A
female
age
36-40,
*oul temptress
writes:I've had a bf for 1 year 8 months. We are now on along break due to university work, stress and the relationship becoming more like a friendship. One of my closest friends who i have known for 5 years and spend much of my time doing uni work with got tipsy a few months ago. The truth came out, we realised that we liked each other but assumed it was just a phase, cause weve been working close together. Both him and i were in relationships at the time.This was ongoing for a few months and i avoided telling him i was broken up from my bf because i didnt want him to think it was him causing the problem (which he wasnt, the break was a long needed thing). Anyway him being a close mate meant he found out and was a good friend about it all. Then our group of mates decided to go out clubbin on monday. We got quite drunk and ended up away from our mates and well kissed, lots. We realised this was all wrong and i started to feel ill so he took me home. The problem was we were trying to be friends like we've been for 5 years. I should have seen the mistake but good old alcohol. He stayed the night. We kissed and cuddled etc. There was no s** involved but almost everything else. It felt right but wrong at the same time. I've never been involved in such a situation and feel physically ill. He does too. I like his gf, shes a good honest girl and i cant believe i was involved in such a thing. Now the issue is him and i still have uni work to complete together etc. So were trying to keep talking and meetings to a minimum. Now i feel not only have i destroyed a long term relationship but i've lost one of my closests freinds. I can't cope with the guilt and i still have no idea about my ex. I just feel confused and guilty and not sure where to turn.
View related questions:
drunk, my ex, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 March 2009):
 I still think it was a bit of a rebound, when you go out drinking like that and then end up sleeping with someone you know you shouldnt - it is classic rebound really. If it is something you would have never done in normal day to day life then it is a rebound - the alcohol just made it happen.
When you are in a long term relationship it is very normal to have a rebound (or two!) once it ends, it is a really hard time. You go from one minute being in a loving relationship where you are planning your future together to the next minute where you have no-one in your life for that love and affection. You end up really needing that for the first few months as you are lonely, and there is nothing wrong with admitting that. So often you end up in bed with someone entirely wrong/unsuitable because you just want to feel close with someone again.
try not to doubt yourself or question yourself, whether or not it was a rebound is irrelevant. You just need to put it down as a bad mistake, learn your lesson and move on. Everyone makes mistakes but the most important thing is to learn from them and grow as a person.
I hope this helps!
A
female
reader, foul temptress +, writes (6 March 2009):
foul temptress is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the help, its comforting.
So i'm not helping myself here. I spent 5 hours in the pub at uni with him instead of writing an assignment. We're being really honest with each other. I've even being trying to be the helpful friend, where im encouraging to talk to his gf and fix it all. After all he is and always will be one of my closest mates.
Does this still sound like a rebound? Im really not sure of myself anymore.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 March 2009):
You need to remember that it takes two (+ alcohol in this case!) to do something like this. Now I am not condoning your behaviour as he is in a long term relationship but you were single at the time, so technically you did nothing wrong.
You have damaged your friendship and I'm not sure if you can do anything to get this back, I think it might be best if you just accept that it is probably for the best that you stop being friends once your uni work has finished in order to save any akwardness between the two of you. If you share a group of friends then just be civil to each other but dont go any further than that.
With regards to your ex, it sounds like you broke up for good reasons, you need to focus on yourself for a while and getting your head straight. I think this drunken episode with your friend may have been a rebound from your ex, so try not to worry too much about it and just accept it happened and move on.
If you and your ex are meant to be together then you will find a way back into each other's lives when the timing is right. But for now, just focus on uni and having fun now you are single.
You shouldnt really be feeling too guilty, your friend was the one that cheated not you. It is his decision whether or not he wants to tell her. You should just learn from this mistake - learn that newly single + too much alcohol = problems! Learn your limits, and stick to them. Or for the next few months try not to drink too much as you will still be getting used to being single hence you will be vulnerable to the same situation happening again.
I hope this helps and just try to put this down as a bad mistake and move on. There is no point in feeling guilty or angry with yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, this isnt a particularly bad one, and you are not a bad person for it. Just human!
...............................
|
