A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. We have a 7 month daughter and are living together, have been for a year. Everything is wonderful except for the sex. I consider myself an extremely sexual person, him not as much. In the begnining things were good. Not Great but good. We'd have sex often but it was never long and sometimes he couldn't get it up and sometimes he would go soft during the sex. Now it's less often but we're still having the same problems. He says he always wants it but just can't get it up and keep it up. He also says it has nothing to do with me. We often fight about it because I think it does. I've tried everything I can think of, but we're not really keen on pills as he's only 22. I perfrom oral sex on him often, hand jobs, try different things like dressing up, different lubrications. WHeneveer he goes soft he gets really angry and I try and calm him down. It used to really help and we sometimes even eneded up having good sex. But lately he just gets up and walks away or turns his back on me and goes to sleep, leaving me hanging.I'm not ready to give up as we love each other.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionResponding to pinkey1981
I do cuddle up to him and try and be understanding. Once he's gone soft I don't push him away or anything. I tell him it's ok and he gets angrier because he says that I'm lying. He says that he's useless and won't listen to reason and that's where the fighting begins. I get left hanging everytime this happens.I think that he should also make an effort to make me feel better.And we discuss this everytime.
A
male
reader, pinkey1981  +, writes (5 January 2009):
First of all you should never fight about sex. Sometimes what would be a one time failed sexual episode becomes a bigger problem with performance anxiety. Try this. Next time you attempt to have sex and it doesnt work, look at him and tell him its ok. That its no big deal and cuddle up to him instead. Yeah you got left hanging, so what, its gonna happen sometimes. If you base your relationship on sex, whats gonna happen when you guys get alot older and just cant do it? You gonna break off a 30year relationship? I think not. I think the fighting has alot to do with him not being able to perform. Trust me when i say this cause its coming from experience. I had the same problem with the exception of the fighting and we over came it with positive attitude. I would beat myself up and say "Man next time its gotta be really good" then i couldnt get it up cause i was worried about it. I would get angry too and storm out of the room. After just a few failed attempts and the reassurance of my wonderful lady, one night it just clicked and there hasnt been a problem in the bed since.
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