A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i was dating a guy who is amazing but mentally not all there. i dont know if he is bipolar or if he just has alot of issues to work through but he is very confused.When i ask him if he knows hes special he says no he doesnt think he is, it makes me so sad.He started seeing a psychiastrist yesterday and he says he thinks it will work. im not sure what to do anymore though. I am so used to seeing him, and now he has distanced himself from me...not just from me but from everyone. Friends, family.We are literally best friends and he would do anything for me, i truly believe that, but right now he wants to remain my friend over text message (we have amazing conversations)I didnt speak to him for about 5 days cuz i thought he could use the space and he was upset cuz he missed talking to me.im confused! but when i ask why he is afraid to see me he says he is afraid he will hurt me like he has hurt everyone else in his life. He is afraid he will say something to ruin our friendship. We make each other smile and laugh when no one else can and have such a strong bond. i dont understand how you can throw away someone who makes you happy.i realize he is being noble by not wanting to hurt me but i truly think he is the one and its breaking my heart to watch him hurt so much and isolate himself, i could use any advice i can get.I wish i knew what goes through mens heads.what do i do?
View related questions:
best friend, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (8 January 2009):
 Just keep reassuring him that you are going to be there for him. Tell him that you aren't hurt because he has troubles but you are hurt because you don't know how to help. Make sure that he knows you want to see him but for now you won't pressure him and if he wants to see you to let you know. It's really all you can do for now besides praying.
At least he has accepted that he has a problem and is trying to get help. He wants to protect you from all the bad things he is feeling so let him know it's ok. Tell him that nothing he says is going to make you afraid of being his friend. Let him know that you are only hurt because you can't help him and you want to. Ask him to tell you when he is ready for a visit and stand firm on whatever you tell him. IF you are going to follow this thru, you are going to have to be very strong. Ask him to help you understand how he is feeling. Talking about his feelings will not only help him but it will help you as well.
My best to you and I PRAY THAT YOUR EFFORTS WILL BE ACCEPTED WITH GRACE AND THEY MOVE THAT MOUNTAIN FROM YOUR WAY SO YOU CAN CROSS OVER SAFELY TO THE OTHER SIDE.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do my best not to let him push me completely away but he will not see me, he will only text me. He says he is afraid of hurting me and that people are better off if he stays away. I cant make him see me so what do i do? just keep texting so he knows im still here for him. He knows i dont pry. ive always told him that i only know what he wants me to know and i dont ask. I try to joke with him and make him smile, my god i miss him!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (7 January 2009):
It sounds like your friend may have a serious depression problem. If there are things in his life he is having trouble coping with it can make his depression worsen. All you can do for now is stand by and be his friend. Be there for him to talk to. The professional help will hopefully give him a new outlook on things and help him with learning new coping skills. Don't push him too hard about his problems and allow him to include you when he feels ready. If you push too hard it might cause him to Wall himself up where you cannot reach him.
I am Bi-polar and most people don't really understand the condition. This disorder can be as bad as any clinical depression and even depression itself can be misunderstood. I suggest you listen well to him when he does choose to let you in on his feelings. Read up on what his given diagnosis is. If you remain a close and unintrusive friend he is most likely to come to you for comfort. We all need someone and we usually seek out the ones we are closest too in times of need. Allow him to take some space and time if he needs it without pressure but don't allow him to stay completely away. Now and then you can call or perhaps drop by on occasion and ask if he would like to go eat or something. It will help to keep him active and from withdrawing into a world of silence.
I can see that you care for him a great deal as you have posted here for advice on what to do. Your best way to help is to just be there if and when he can make the move to talk or get out and do something. He shouldn't be ignored or left alone too much, it's not good when someone is really having a problem with depression. Watch his condition carefully and learn all you can about it. Stand by and PRAY for him to get better and PRAY for you to understand. There's nothing wrong with HOPE and with FAITH in GOD and your friendship, you both are going to surely make it thru this bad time in your lives. For you ARE FACING this problem just as if it WERE YOURS......That makes you a WONDERFUL FRIEND and YOU WILL BE BLESSED for it!
PS. Don't feel guilty if you don't do everything perfect, no one is hon and HE will appreciate your efforts. Don't forget to call or come over and visit him...and don't wait so long next time... He is probably saying it's ok and missing you like crazy! My best to you both.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): i once had a guy like this and the only way to help him is to get him to accept that he has problems,if he wont then guaranteed he will hurt you so walk away now or suffer terribly
...............................
|
