A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating someone for about 8 weeks, the first 4 weeks were brilliant, we get on really well, we talk alot, laugh and joke, enjoy alot of the same things...But then he started showing a really needy side, constantly asking me if we were ok, if I was still interested in him/us, needing constant reassurance. He will call or text me asking if things are ok etc if I don't text or call back soon enough...I hadn't changed any of my behaviour towards him at all and was still really interested, I told him we were ok etc, he insisted we make it official and be "boyfriend and girlfriend" despite me telling him I wanted things to take it's natural course and not rush into anything/have to "define" us (I told him that I was committed to him, I wasn't interested in anyone else and would not be with anyone else), as he lives 75 miles away from me and I only see him one night a week roughly (due to conflicting work patterns), it wasn't a conventional relationship makeup!I feel a seperation has been building since then, on my part. I didn't mind the clinginess and need for reassurance for him, but then I felt pressured into making it an official relationship, and the stupid thing is, it's me that makes the effort to go see him, I always drive the 75 miles. I feel boxed in now, and I don't know what to do. I have spoken to him about this and he said he would cool his insecurities - I understand as we all have them, but he's still the same.
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 My question is what are you holding on to? There must be a reason why you don't want this to have an official title. Aside from the distance. And I feel that the clinginess wouldn't bother you if you were truly interested... Really ask yourself what you like about him and why you are with him. What I have always found to be true of guys who don't want to make a commitment, it is because they don't want to be tied down- with that person. If it was the right person would you have a problem being his girlfriend? 8 weeks is a long time to go without any title, what is the wait? I feel like you are just not all that interested in him and him being so clingy now is just pushing you away more. And discussing it with him will do nothing, if anything "improved", which I doubt it would, it would just be because he isn't sharing the insecurities with you. They would still be there. He needs the constant reassurance because he's far more into you and probably realizes it. I've been in his spot and yours before. I think you should probably move on from him.
A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (30 January 2010):
 You absolutely must talk to him, tell him how you feel - that you love him but you feel rather smothered. If you don't communicate, he will never know and continue to be clingy and your relationship will fail.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks caring guy...I have spoken to him a couple of times and explained how he's making me feel by acting this way, and also that he's going to drive me away if he keeps it up. His reply was that he was with his ex for 3 years and was treated like crap for the whole duration, she used him for money & milked him for all she could get, generally not a nice girl. He blamed a bad relationship for him being so clingy but I said he had to let go at some point and move on, not expect everything to fall apart...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 January 2010):
This is a really big red flag that you need to take into account. If he's that insecure and clingy, he has problems. And if he has problems, he might not be the best guy for you. Talk to him and ask him why he's suddenly become so insecure.
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