A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend just talked me that it is ok to have sex outside of the relationship as long as you are not sharing any feeling with this other person. In other words, sex and love does not go together and having casual sex is ok. I replied by saying that it was not acceptable to me and that if he continues thinking like this, I would have to break up with him. He told me that he had not done it, but I think that eventually he will if he thinks like that. What do you guys think about this comment.. What should I do?... Is he just saying those comments to make me mad?... I don't understand Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Skeez  +, writes (7 August 2007):
 get rid of him....plain and simple.If he wants to crawl around and have sex with every girl he sees and then comes to you saying how brilliant it was...well i wouldnt stand it. Hes not being a very respectful boyfriend. And seeing as you want a proper relationship. I dont think you two will last...not from being yourfault but his.Goodluck hun
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (7 August 2007):
 I should have added that I don't think open relationships are a good idea for the vast majority of the population.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (7 August 2007):
Why don't you go out one evening with friends or at least pretend to do that. Come home around 4 AM. When he asks you where you were or how your evening was, tell him you hooked up with a couple twin brothers and had sex with them. Tell him it was great and that you did a particular sex act with them that your boyfriend has always wanted to try. (but you wouldn't let him) Then see if his jaw h its the floor.
For many men, sex and love don't have to go together. We're often quite prepared to have sex with whoever will have us. We don't need to have the emotional attachment to have sex. We're not having love, it's the act of sex. On the other hand, it's nice to have sex with the one you love. I guess that's why prostitution is so huge. Men want sex for sex, not an emotional connection.
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A
female
reader, welshlass +, writes (7 August 2007):
i think you really need to get out of this relationship, clearly you both have different ideas about how the relationship should work, you want a proper relationship and he wants to sleep around, this aint gonna work, the whole thing about sex and love being different is just a load of rubbish, if he realy had feelings for you he wouldnt want to go and sleep around. drop him and find someone who is worth your time.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (7 August 2007):
Hi,
Whether he’s saying it just to make you mad, or because he intends to do it, you are still left with a boyfriend that will not make you happy. Either – like you suggest - he plays childish mind games ( at your ages – please! ), or he is telling you loud and clear that he is not going to be faithful. You have made it clear that this is not acceptable to you, and that you are prepared to end it because you feel strongly about this. So far so good – he knows where he stands. Now you have to stick to your guns, because otherwise he knows you don’t mean it, which is the green light to go ahead and cheat. He has his life to live and you have yours, so if he wants to sleep around, let him go. If you have radically different views on how a relationship should work, staying together can only cause hurt to both of you. You shouldn’t be putting up with the confidence-sapping worry about whether he is seeing other women or not. Find yourself a man who values your faithfulness, there are plenty out there.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (7 August 2007):
 I don't agree with the whole "Casual sex" thing, and I think that he would merely be using you if you accepted.My advice would be put the walls up higher. His creepy actions mean he deserves less contact with you. Talk a little less often and then see how things go, and you should try and do this everytime he makes a suggestion like that. If he refuses to stop, then it's very clear you just shouldn't talk to him, full stop.
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A
male
reader, no_one_should_feel_that  +, writes (7 August 2007):
i have to agree with duskyrowe somewhat ... i think she had one bad relationship and thinks bad of the rest of us.....anyway i am a male of 15 i have never heard of such a thing before and i think if you talked with him bout it and really talked not like online chat .. face to face and make sure he knows it upset you that he has said that love and lust are in 2 differnt basket and just wait till he says why he did it ... you might have to ask why he asked?..... he might have a good reason ... but soe are like that and he might not have a good reason but a bad one and if he does( this is were i agree with duskyrowe) then i say leave him .....
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (7 August 2007):
 You don't have to put up with this,he has already made it clear you guys are not gonna be exclusive. If I was you I would make a hasty exit, and leave him to it, cos at the end of the day he is the one that is gonna catch STD not you. Find someone who is gonna stay faithful, and get rid of this jerk.
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