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He's giving VERY mixed signals!

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Question - (4 May 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 5 May 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I lost my boyfriend a few weeks ago and my best friend who I thought liked me is playing me. He plays me by acting all nice and then he says that he doesn’t care about my texts or what I have to say. Then the next day he smiles and he does look at all my texts. I know that when I graduate he will not keep in touch. I don’t know why this is bugging me but it does. When he’s standing in the hall with friends he glances over at me. He acts like he likes me and then acts as if he really doesn’t want more than friendship. It’s hard to forget my friend when he acts like this. He says I act like a 12 year old and he laughs when I argue with him. He says I’m annoying but acts like he likes my personality. What should I do? Don’t know where to turn? What should I tell him if anything!

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A female reader, mizz.butterflies United States +, writes (5 May 2010):

mizz.butterflies agony auntYou better stop texting him immediately. He has you in his Back up List. Dont know what that is? When a guy knows you are intrested in him but He doesnt wish to pursue you (cause guess what....You're not intresting to him) He just has you as a back up Plan. Do you really wish to be that? ...

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (4 May 2010):

CindyCares agony aunt Every time I read on this site a question about "mixed signals "- I can't help being surprised. Because that's an easy one to figure out- it's really a no brainer.

The road to love sexand romance is bumpy and full of pitfalls, there are many situations that are tricky and nobody has really found out the solution yet.

But the mixed signals ?... Simple : there are no mixed signals. With the exception perhaps of very young teenagers,or pathologically shy people. But for rest, if the signal are mixed is because one wants to see them as mixed, and wants by all means to find a positive,encouraging ,favourable meaning in acts or words that taken in the general context mean nothing ,or very little.

If somebody really likes you, his signals will be loud and clear- he'll tend to overdo,in fact, least you shouldn't catch his drift. A mixed signal is more or less like no signal, it generally means you are reading more into a word or action dictated by politeness,tact,guilt or even narcisism.If the signals are mixed,that just means that your love object does not like you, or that he likes you just a tiny little bit but not ENOUGH, not enough for the way you want to be liked,which amounts to the same thing.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (4 May 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntHow old are you? How old is he? This sounds very immature and frankly, the best thing to do when people who are old enough to behave better act like children is to treat them as though they ARE children. Smile a lot, nod, pat his head, say things like, "I'm sure it'll be alright, don't you worry."

And for heaven's sake, stop texting him! He's your ex, you don't need to give him any more attention, positive OR negative. Just stop contacting him and turn your focus back to finishing school and your other friends.

Stop arguing with him too. Just move on, with your head held high and your dignity intact. Chin up, shoulders back, off you go into the world with nothing holding you back, especially not an immature exboyfriend.

Good luck!

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