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female
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*evilrocks
writes: i really need some unbiased advice. im 29, married (hubby 50). the thing is, hubby does occasions mechanical work on vehicles, purely an occasional sideline., there is a woman, around my age, that became a customer last year, but over the past month it has become wierd, he went there to look at her car about a month ago, her dad was there and patronised my hubby so he left, she started txting him to make sure she hadnt offended him, but then she has been txting daily, he says shes depressed, or drunk, but i told him im not happy with it, she started calling him late at night, i got annoyed, then it stopped, i check his phone but all his call records and messages are cleared, i dialled 1471 from his phone and she had called him on his lunchbreak, i didnt tell him i know though. then he told me he was going out on saturday night, very unusal, and that day he kept getting txts, i could see him grinning as he was reading them, i asked who it was, he said it was the male friend he was going out with that night, i didnt believe him, i asked him to show me, but he refused. he went out and wasnt home untill 2am, and i know for a fact that where he said he was going there is nowhere open past 11.30pm. i asked him next morning where he'd been, he wouldnt say. am i being paranoid or am i right to suspect something could be going on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): HI THERE
you see there are good men still left in this world. congrats on the preganacy and the better life.
A
female
reader, devilrocks +, writes (10 September 2009):
devilrocks is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have just stumbled upon this thread again, after so long, and i still apprieciate the support i received through here at that time. I have to unfortunately admit though that i did eventually get bac with the ex, but as suspected he had another affair with a woman from work, and its all over between us now, i havent seen nor spoke to him in at least 14months, and my life has never been better. I met the man of my dreams, i moved away, and i am currently expecting our first baby, due march 2010, i am so happy. As far as my dad is concerened, he has just been informed that there are no more drugs that can help him, so we have to bide the time, and he has got to go through chemotherapy. Again, thankyou so much for your help.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (23 April 2007):
 Listen anytime you want to chat we are all here for you and even our own mailboxes if you want to chat to someone in particular.
I can understand how your dad does not want to change his life, I think the older we get the more we come to realise that we only have one life and if we are going to die or live a certain way we have to enjoy the time we have. The hard part is the rest of the family like yourself watching your dad in pain or trying to continue as normal as we always want our parents around forever but I came to realise that when my dad became very ill he should at least have the things he liked and to hell with what the doctors said was good or bad for him as they wrote him off 2 years before he actually died which was on 18 Feb this year.
We get one life and we have to enjoy it is now most definitely my motto.
I think you have made the right decision with your ex and go get em girl.
Take care.
Country Woman
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female
reader, devilrocks +, writes (20 April 2007):
devilrocks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again, please note, the entry on the 22nd of august was in fact not made by myself, i only read it last night and dicovered a so called friend had done it. sorry if you were mislead by it, but the most recent entry, on 19th april, was made by myself, and is the correct version of events. sorry guys.
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female
reader, devilrocks +, writes (20 April 2007):
devilrocks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there. I still see him, but i cant live with him, i just cant get what he has done out of my head, everytime i see him its comes to my mind, i do love him, but i cant get over it, and i would always be waiting for the next time, the way i see it, if he can do it once, whats stopping him a second time. My dad's cancer has responded well to treatment, but he has a tumour on his spine which they cant operate on, so he has to take it easy because if it shifts its will paralyse him, he shouldnt lift even a bag of sugar, but this is my dad we are talking about, and he says he was doing ok before he found out so why should he change now, which is ok in a way, he's not letting it get to him, but still i really worry about him. Thanks again for your response, its nice to have someone to talk to about these things, and to get some advice, i dont feel so alone.
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (20 April 2007):
So the question is now, are you still with him or is he out on his ear?
Seems to me that you have been through the mill with everything else going on around you.
How is your dad btw, has he been given the all clear on the cancer?
I know how hard life can be believe me but I just want to know how you are currently holding up OK.
Look you can talk to any of us anytime you know and there is never go to be any judgements, well from me personally as nobody else walks in your shoes and it is your life at the end of the day.
Just let me know how you are getting on OK as you still seem quite worked up about everything when you typed out your last response and can't help but worry about you.
Take care and maybe catch up with you soon.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, devilrocks +, writes (19 April 2007):
devilrocks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, im so sorry it is such a delayed response. Its been a pretty manic year, i lost connection to the internet for over 6 months, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and my nan died, its been hectic. But i thought id come back to let you know the suspicions turned out to be real, i cant really remember every precise detail but the night it all came out i had popped to my sisters, knowing he had no credit, and when i came back he was txting again, and i asked how he managed to get credit with no money, he said "a friend", i said yeah you mean her!!!! he said "yeah, a friend", and as this was going on his phone was beeping away, i was getting more frustrated, then i blew my top, i ran upstairs saying "i want you out of my house" and he followed me and tried to prevent me removing his stuff, after a very long arguement, and her phoning him, i eventually kicked him out that night, and we can guess where he went, yep, HERS!!!! i went there and he was stood in bedroom window, so i dumped what was left of his personal things on her driveway and left. But i phoned him saying we needed to talk and he agreed to come round the next day at a certain time, that time passed and he hadnt showed, so i called him, he said he'd be another hour, so i waited, nothing, i called again, and he laughed and said he'd be another hour, eventually he turned up, but was being abnoxious, i said i wanted to try again, but he said him and her were only friends, untill that night, i said yeah yeah, he said he had feelings for her and was prepared to stake his future on them, i though my god, overnight, anyway he left and went back there, i never saw them together, i stayed at home orshopped out of the area, i didnt want to bump into them, anyway it only lasted 6wks, so that was worth it eh!!! then he started txting me saying he still loved me, i laughed and said since when, he said a long time, yeah yeah, he just didnt want to be on his own, and had made a big mistake!!! oh well, i told my story and it was printed in the daily mirror and full house magazine, so at least i got a new car out of it, and both of them would have been humiliated, especially her as she is a church goer, and adultery wouldnt go down well in that community. Anyway guys, im sorry to ramble, and thanks for all your advice in the beginning.
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female
reader, devilrocks +, writes (22 August 2006):
devilrocks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all for your advice and support. It was true, he was seeing her, and i kicked him out, theres a long story to go with it, although it would take ages to write here, although it was in the daily mirror a few weeks back. We are back together now, after 6 wks of seperation, i love him to bits, and he loves me, i know this, i feel this, but he couldnt put up with some of my ways, we've talked and sorted it out, we had a bad time, he liked the attention she gave him, and realised the grass isnt always greener. We've had trouble from her, but that ended weeks ago, although im still very insecure, and always find myself thinking he might run back to her, i know he wouldnt, but i cant help thinking it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): trust your instinct my husband was texting a woman at work she wanted my daughter to babysit she would phone him while we were shopping he used to reject her call when i was there saying he pressed wrong button.he had her number under a mans name that was aug 2004. oct nov 2004 it was still going on i threatened to leave so he promised it had stopped i used to check his phone,dec 2005 i was snooping hed gone out and bought a second hand phone and another sim card he was texting her and having sex with her i read the messages saying how she preffered it in my bed then in hers and how much they loved each other he said he never loved her he just said it to get sex so trust your instinct
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (3 May 2006):
 Unless he will show you the texts at the second he recieves them and show you them first to prove they are not from anybody else, go with your gut instinct on this one.
If this was my guy I wouldn't be sitting around letting this happen. I would be kicking his backside out. From what you have said he is more than likely playing away. Nobody is that secretive, he is making it all very obvious already....take a look at your evidence.
1. He is getting texts he smiles when reading AND refuses to show you....why? Because they are from somebody he doesn't want you to know about.
2. He was out until 0230hrs, when he was somewhere allegedly were the pubs close at the usual time.
3. This woman has his mobile number and has already opened a textual relationship on a personal level with him by talking about her Dad *offending* him. After talking on a personal level like this it is very easy to move on to more intimate conversations, believe me!!
4. She is ringing him on his lunch break....again why?
5. He says she is *depressed or drunk*, if he is opnly fixing her car how does he know this. Why are they even DISCUSSING this?
6.He won't tell you his movements.
If one of your friends told you this story honey what would you say to them? You would probably say what I ahve said here. This guy is playing you. Give him the shock of his life and confront him. Make him prove his innocence after pointing out all you ahve siad here. If he won't do this or talk to you about it, you know what you must do to protect your emotional well-being.
Good luck
xxx
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (3 May 2006):
 Your gut instinct maybe right here, it does all sound very suspicious, but proof's what you need.
You have choices here, you can sit back and see what happens, you can confront him, or you can find her number and confront her if you think she's more likely to tell you the truth.
He may be innocent so don't go accusing him without proof,tell him how your feeling, ask him what's happening, see how he reacts and take it from there.
Some men thrive on having little secrets from their wives, you should make it quite clear that you find his recent behaviour unacceptable, it's upsetting you and making you feel insecure.
He could just be finding the attention flattering and nothing has happened, she sounds quite brazen, (does she know he's married?) all the more reason to nip this in the bud before he gets carried away (if he hasn't already) and damages your relationship.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (3 May 2006):
I have to be honest here, if there is nothing to hide then why won't he show you the text messages from the male friend (so he says).
This woman is the same age as you and he is obviously flattered by the fact that a younger woman has shown interest in him. After all he is 50 so there is a sizeable age gap even for yourselves. I am not saying there is anything wrong in that but when a man is getting older he is wowed by the fact that women find the older man attractive, what a boost to their ego eh!
If in your own mind you think that something is a miss then quite often there is normally a reason for it.
See how often he goes out from now on and see if he is putting more effort into his appearance.
If there is another meeting or work, perhaps you could ask someone else to follow him. If it is completely innocent then you will at least have peace of mind and he does not need to know that you were spying on him. If however it is not innocent then you will have the proof you need.
I don't know if you have children with your husband but if you do, be strong for them as it is not fair on them if he is being a player so to speak.
If you don't have children then don't sit around and let this happen to you as you are worth much more than being treated in this way. Get proof first though as no one wants to look like a fool.
Stay calm and collected but remain strong and positive at the same time.
I wish you well.
BFN
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