A
female
age
36-40,
*ild001
writes:i have been in a relationship with a man whom i have known for 4 years.these years have given me enough time to grow to admire and love him, but also hate him.there have been times where i consider him cheating, but i wouldnt say anything.i have cheated on him before,not for problems but for financial reasons. i am trying to show him a new face by getting a job.i am trying to forget about the past but deep inside know hes cheating.it's tearing me apart,he doesnt show me he loves me anymore.i know in my heart that i am in love with this man despite the circumstances,i dont wanna leave,but i'm afraid that if i keep being pushed im gonna fall over the edge and never look back.i would not wanna lose what i though and convinced by him a good thing and the illusion of a beautiful foundation.he says that in his religion we are married and in the future wed have children together,all just fantasies and dreams sold.i know i gotta let people do whats best 4 them,so hes gonna lose somthing for his negligence. im tired of being tricked and fooled waiing on his calls,and promises neva made.im too much of a good person to allow him to eat his cake too.do i keep on feeding n spoiling him with my love and be patient and grow with him or wihdraw altogether. keep in my mind hes my only best friend, or friend altogether,which makes it 2x's as hard.its so hard
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female
reader, Donnatella  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 It sounds like you have a lot of love to give and that he is manipulating your desire for family by telling you what you want to hear. You are holding out for the chance that it might be true against your better judgement. You need to talk to him. Spend a day together and remind him why you two are together. Your financial problems are putting a strain on the relationship. This does not mean that money would solve your problem. Your lack of funds only brings into the foreground the problems which already existed. If you cand work these out no amount of love nor money will fix it. Both of you seem to have a problem staying faithful, no matter what your reasons. You deserve better. If you cant trust him then how can you love him? Everything seems to be working against you. Talk to him and try to work things out but dont hold out too long. Lifes too short.
A
female
reader, neonpinkngooey +, writes (21 June 2007):
 So you have identified the problem. You let him have his cake and eat it too. Why do you continue to do this when you know it is self-destructive? I hate to say it, but any person in his position would take advantage of it too. That is human nature. You let him take advantage of you because you feel as if he is the only person you have in your life. You are young, and you have many chances to make friends with other people besides your boyfriend. You have 3 options.
1) Keep letting him treat you this way
2) Grab him by the you-know-whats! Let him know that he should be worried about the way he is treating you; that you really don't appreciate being taken advantage of. Also, let him know that you don't exactly need him. He will realize this after you make friends, and start to become less dependent on him. This may change his behavior towards you. If it doesn't, resort to #3!
3) Break up with him. What you have is not a great relationship; you say it yourself. You don't deserve to be cheated on. (wait, how do you know he is cheating?) and you don't deserve to always be kept on your toes, wondering whether or not he is going to call you.
It is up to you. It sounds as if you're hopelessly in love. If you think your relationship can persevere through you cheating on him (for financial reasons? i dont even wanna know...) and through him allegedly cheating on you, by all means, go for option #2. Otherwise, if you think your relationship is in too deep, break up with him.
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