A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i cheated on my boyfriend when we first got together with a guy i had been seeing previously, i have always liked recently i have have stronger feelings for him and he also, they are so strong i think i love him! my boyfriend hasnt been treating me well recently i have put up with this for a few months as he knows about me cheating on him. i keep telling him that he had a choice when i told him to either forgive me i would try regain his trust or if he could he would have to end it, but he chose not to end it. because of the way he has been to me has pushed me into the arms of this other guy again and have cheated again! I really dont know what to do!
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Lots of people have temptations. Cheating is cheating, not temptation. There in lies the difference.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007):
Just because he isn't respectful of listening to you and realizing he is hurting you and pushing you away by his actions or lack of them; and I agree that forgiveness is necessary to move forward but he needs to know you are trustworthy too and the whole trust has been compromised by the both of you-it still does not absolve you that you CHOSE to cheat on him yet again.
If he has pushed you away and you wanted to be with this other man, then you be an adult and you end it and move on.
It shouldn't be about winning or losing but about if you would change and if he was willing to as well.
You both aren't willing and you both haven't the ability to move forward together, working together.
You both haven't forgiven one another, you both don't trust in one another, and you both resort to placing blame on the other and are both not willing to look at yourselves and say I failed on this, I need to change this so I can be with him/her. I want this and I am prepared to do it.
Move on. It's over and it is becaused you cheated. You may have felt a victim but the first time it could be excused but not the second time. You are supposed to learn from your mistakes and not commit them again. That's a part of that whole forgiveness and trust as well.
Let him go. Forgive him and yourself.
This is all just emotional abuse that can only bring unhappiness.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 Just because we have temptation doesn't mean that we have to give in to it. If that were the case, most of was would be either dead, extremely overweight, or have serious issues.
Dv1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i think that your attitudes are very harsh. people get in these situations all the time. if you were living my life you would understand what i was really going through with my boyfriend. i have been putting up with all kinds of rubbish and the other bloke has offered me comfort. just because i said cheat doesnt mean that i have jumped into bed with him!!!! i have only kissed him but in my eyes that is cheating too. i dont belive for one minuet that anyone can go through life with out haveing at least a temptation to cheat!!!!!
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (25 June 2007):
thats just sick.. you cheat and then you blame him for making you??? was he there to push you into the guys bed? i feel not.. you had the choice to talk to your bf about feeling and thoughts but you chose the easy option and broke your bfs heart instead. do the decent thing and dump your bf because you obviously feel he should serve your every need in return for no respect from you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Its far easier to justify your actions by blaming the victim. Do your boyfriend the biggest favour of his life and end your relationship.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (25 June 2007):
Nobody pushed you to cheat. You made a couple bad choices. Shame on you for trying to put the blame on someone else. You created this mess and just complicated it some more. It's time to grow up and take responsibility for your inappropriate actions.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (25 June 2007):
You can't expect him to forgive you right away. Forgiveness and healing take time. It's obvious by your actions that you never loved, cared for, or respected his human need for time to heal emotional wounds. You obviously didn't even respect him, care for him, or love him at all, based upon what I've read of your actions. Giving him that ultimatum is at the height of arrogance and ignorance. It seems like you're just trying to justify playing the field!! He deserves better. What should you do? Leave him alone and let him find someone who's going to be faithful and love him every day that he wakes up next to them for who he is. There are always going to be rough patches in relationships, and things that test partners' boundaries and will to continue the relationship. It sounds like you're just trying to take blame off of yourself and make him look bad for needing time to deal with things. It sounds like you have a lot of growing up for you, and I feel sorry that you wasted his time, space, and emotion.
-DV1
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