A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm in the Army National Guard. I met my boyfriend while we were training to get deployed. We have a great time together. He says he loves me to death and he was even thinking about asking me to marry me. That was untill he found out that his grandpa is about to die. He says he feels stress and that he doesn't want to deal with a relationship right now. He wants to concentrate on helping his grandma through this and get over his grandpa's death. I know I should be understanding, that's why I told him it was ok. The problem is that I feel like I'm losing him and I fear that he might leave me. Right now I'm in a military base and he's home dealing with his family. It just hurts me that he doesn't tell me I love you anymore or calls/texts me as much as he used to. On top of all that my arm is messed up and the other female soldiers annoyed me to death. I got no one to talk to here and I really need him. I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I'm still having problems. I wish things could be easily solve. Recently he told me he just needed space but today he told me we should just be friends for now. I know he's stress cuz of his family situation and the fact that he's getting deployed for a year. We won't be together for a year. The thing is I'm really upset. It hurts me so much not to be with me. I asked him if he wanted me out of his life but he keeps saying that it's best to b friends at this time. He still keeps talking to me but just not about our relationship. He said he wants to slow down and see what happens. He's a great guy and treats me better than anyone I ever dated. What should I do?
A
female
reader, Rose_red_09  +, writes (27 September 2009):
Sometimes you just need to let someone go before they can come back to you stronger than before. If you do lose him -then it really wasn't meant to be between you guys in a forever relationship. Give it time and I would say that major thing would be to not crowd him - let him deal with what he is dealing with and just show that you are there and that you love and support him.
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A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (27 September 2009):
 Perceptions can be so different. The first response to this question was a good one, but I had a different perception.As cruel as it would be, this could be his way of getting out of your relationship. Not to say that he lied about his Grandfather, but it could have provided a good reason for him to take time to himself and let you down in an 'easy' way. Maybe he felt overwhelmed by things getting so serious with you. No matter what the reason is, you can only let him know that you are there for him if he wants support or to talk and then let go and live your life for yourself. If he wants to be with you enough, he will seek you out and things will work the way they should. If not, you will be moving on and doing things that make you happy in your life and things will work out as they should. Either way, be happy in your own life no matter what decision he makes. I know this isn't easy, but it won't help either of you if you are lamenting and trying to lure him back into a relationship with you if it isn't what he needs or wants right now.I hope this helps you. It's not an easy situation and I wish you the best.-Angellica
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): First off I have to thank you for serving our country and truly being a hero. Its such a hard situation you are in. He is feeling depressed and like the world is crashing down around him, yet at the same time you are feeling it too. Try not to let anyone there get to you, dont listen to their negativity and stay strong. Its good to just let everything out. Even if its not to him, just keep a journal or something to express yourself and not let your emotions bottle up inside. I think you should try your best to open up to him and tell him how you feel. Say you love him, care about him, and you will always be there for him and support him. Even though he is going through a hard time, you have been there for him and he needs to realize that. He needs to understand he can always turn to you. Try to explain that you miss him and miss how things used to be between you too. You might not understand what he is feeling right now, but you still care about him and want to be with him. Show him that you two need each other now more than ever and he can open up and let everything out to you and in return you can do the same. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you two get back on track.
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