A
female
age
41-50,
*izi
writes:My boyfriend is a simple and sweet guy with a beautiful heart. We've been dating a few months and up 'til now have had a great time together and shown each other a lot of love. We're goofy together and laugh a lot -- in some ways he's got a child-like and innocent outlook that struck me as refreshing when we met. I thought things were going perfectly 'til an experience made me realize he's simple by design rather than by choice. He's so creative and truly wonderful to me that I want to get over it, but instead I feel increasingly horrified to be with someone so slow and simple-minded. His mistakes and forgetfulness regularly negatively affect outcomes in our life together. I feel like a terrible person for being bothered by the fact that he's just not that bright, but it's got under my skin. Little things I once let go are now evidence that he's a dumb kid and it freaks me out. A good heart is most important to me, but I value intelligence and competence, too.Can I find a way to accept this wonderful guy or must I do us both a favor by ending things now to save more pain later?
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): hi it's me wiht the 'dumbish bf' again. Just wanted to say smth else.. make sure you dont underestimate him without wanting to.. things like that are picked up.. and make sure he won't be as dumb as to play with your feelings at some point.. just make sure :). dont assume you got him, he might fall inlove with dumby girl over there, and what will you do then, reason it up with him? what motivates his love for you? i ask myself these questions all the time :).
A
female
reader, zizi +, writes (17 November 2008):
zizi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to Anonymous & Blazee for a much-needed reality check. It's nice to know there are others who value a good heart & considerate treatment over qualities that may be less important. I'm going to happily stick with my sweetheart & focus on his many wonderful qualities!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): Isn't it funny...you judge someone on looks and people call you shallow, but then you go to judge someone based on intellect and you feel shallow then too?
I know the feeling; I've been in this situation before. My then boyfriend (we dated for almost a year) was an extremely sweet, good-hearted guy, but it got to the point where our conversations could not hold my interest. I am extremely logical and scientific-minded, and the day I had to explain to him what "evolution" was, was the day I began to wonder if he was really the guy for me after all. It was really cute and easy to overlook at first, but my conscious decisions to overlook it became more and more conscious and eventually I started to feel resentful about it. This was a major factor in my decision to end things.
Perhaps this is just my conscience trying to justify itself, but the way I see it, I let him go so that he could find someone who COULD appreciate him 100%--since I couldn't. He deserves that, just as your boyfriend deserves that. What bothers you about him now, in the "honeymoon" stage of your relationship, will only annoy you more the longer you are with him, unless you resolve it. And in this case, the issue isn't so easy to resolve. Trust me, no one wants to be "settled for," rather than loved, by someone whose heart isn't in it 100%. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): LOL i have always wondered that about my boyfriend... similar situation like yours.. puppy eyes innocent sort of refreshing feel about him, absolutely adorable.. but..... he can't hold a conversation about random things, abstract things, say, discussing a newspaper article. We do talk a lot, about things we know in our life, he is not adventurous in offering opinions or theories, and yes, I do feel such a snobbish b_tch for even thinking about it... the thing is he does satisfy other needs of mine and his heart allegedly is good. How is he dealing with problems? Is he able to step back in an argument/conflict... accomodate other perspectives or he can only see wat he can see? Mine doesnt hold arguments well.. he gets defensive and stroppy and I am sure he does not understand sometimes som esubtlepoints.. but I do love him and he's unique, creative and funny. I am sticking with mine atm :)
...............................
A
male
reader, blazee  +, writes (16 November 2008):
 Its up to you, im not sure anyone can really answer this without being in your situation.
You have to make a choice, does his simple mindidness really eclipse his affection for you, and your obvious love for him?
Many women come on here telling stories of horrific treatment by there apparent dream guys, but guys who obviously dont care about them. If this guy has a good heart and you know he will put you first, i would say at least try with him, see how you feel, he deserves that
...............................
|
