A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,can someone tell me if this situation is fixable? about month ago I ran into my chilhood crush who I haven't seen in 15 yrs. We started talkin and to my suprise he had a crush on me too back then. The problem now is he has an on/off girlfriend of 3 yrs he's confused about. I was happy n repected the fact he told me. We decided to take it slowly with him and get to know know eachother and see how it goes. Afterall, we are friends and he still had another girl lingering and I didn't want to put my whole heart on the line witout his in return. I expected only true honesty from him and nothing more from that point. Honesty is something a value very much with every person in my life and is how I am with everyone too. He agreed. Not even a week goes by of us just talking and he starts telling me he misses me and is falling for me and how he cares/loves me. I felt a lil weary but at same time I knew I felt the same so I told him. The next day he backs off says it was he can only be friends. Then went bck to saying how much he wants to be wit me. And goin back and forth like that. I had tremendous patience b/c I knew he was confused. Then he told me he just wanted to be strictly friends. My patience I lost and I had a ugly fight with him over this bipolar act he was doing. When the fight happened I just wanted to truth. Truth of him falling for me was true or not? It wasn't about him just being friends with me. I could except that. He couldn't answer me and I lost my temper b/c I felt like he was lying to me and it made me feel foolish for being so honest but that who I am. Now we r not even talking and I miss him. Does anyone think this is a fixable situation? Was I wrong to react the way I did? How can I fix this??
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's on and off with her for the past 3 1/2 years. And I'm assuming he's back with her now. It just doesn't make sense to me! He's says he's unhappy! And its not just me he said it too! He has told other people the same and its been for the last year! So then y go back and continue to be unhappy with a consistent unconsistent relationship?
In the aspect he told me I make him happy.
From the start we called eachother BFFS! I really didn't take offense to it b/c whoever I eventually end up wit I want them to be my bff as well as my lover.
I believe everything happens for a reason! And there's no such thing as a coincidence! Whoever comes into or back in ur life does for a purpose. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever have thought he would have and he said the same! He also said to me he wishes we could of met again 3 yrs ago b/c we most likely would have been married by now! I just have no words to even explain how I feel.
Part of me wants to believe that he was fooling me and forgetit! The other part refuses to believe it b/c I just can't possibly think he would disrespect me , my brother, my family that way! My gut tells me that there was some truth to the things he said. When we argued that's all I wanted to him to tell me. If it was true or not!
I understand they were just words but u just don't throw words around like that for shits and giggles. I know it wasn't said just to get me in bed either! We had chances to sleep together but he knos I'm christian now and really can't sleep around like that anymore til marriage and he respects my beliefs! That's y I believe that there had to be some truth to it.
Am I going crazy? How would any of you feel or think?
A
female
reader, cca9130  +, writes (8 September 2010):
but he doesn't have a girlfriend, he broke up with her a year and a half ago...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! I know a lot of what you said! I did cut him out after that fight! It just hurts b/c he wasn't just a random guy. He's a family friend, close with my brother(and he knows my brother is protective of me)...I just think he would of been more responsible on his part. I kno he not the only one to blame, I should of just told him to deal wit his situation first then maybe later we can continue. But I was convinced he was unhappy wit her! He said it himself. But he he feels bad just walkin away or wuteva! Its probably just a dumb scheme. I feel like an idiot for being so naieve. He called me crazy for harping on his words..I don't harp on anything! I'm a person wit integrity and I don't ever say anything to anyone that is true to myself. I don't even want to be wit him at this point..I just wanted him to tell me if it was true or not! That's it...I just don't undertand people.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 September 2010):
You basically need to shift this guy out of your life. You may miss him, but you're just utterly wasting your time waiting around because you're basically the spare he would come to when it doesn't work with his current girlfriend. This guy clearly has no real idea about what he wants, is a bit too immature to make decisions about his life and is willing to pull two different women in different directions. He keeps you around as a spare, and nothing else.
The time has come for you to make the decision to move on from him. Even if he did come to you, he's so indecisive and unsure about what he wants that it still wouldn't work. You've got to stop allowing yourself to be played with like some toy. You're better than that.
Cut this man out of your life, and move on from him no matter how hard.
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