A
female
age
41-50,
*essedup123
writes:At the start of this year i found out my partner of 6 years had been cheating on me! It's now August and now he's "officially" in a relationship with this other woman. The thing is he's still with me too! She thinks he moved out months ago but he's still with me. I just don't know whether or not i should tell her what's going on. He says he's waitin for her to end their relationship and then he'll come back to me. I just want an end to this whole mess and although I've promised him I wouldn't tell her I now feel that we both have a right to really know what's going on. Please help!!!! Should i tell her????
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (11 August 2007):
 Is this a joke?
Make the decision for him & turf him out! Hes done a good job on you over the last 6 years hasnt he. I wouldnt put up with that, but i expect hes ground you down so you have no self repsect by the sounds of it.
Do yourself a favour & pack his bags & sling them out the door.
The guy is a dead loss! Geez!
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (11 August 2007):
 your his safety net
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): Loser alert! Your bf is a classic. Why are you giving him permission to do this and better yet, why are you doing this? Don't you believe that you should be a great, healthy relationship with a guy who loves you and only you? We know it isn't this guy. What I believe is so devastating about another person we love, who is/has cheated, is that it shakes one's belief in themselves. To the very point where a person feels soo unlovable, all because your most intimate lover/friend has so blatantly lied which affects our worthiness, and our self-esteem takes a slam. It's time for you to do the right things and and get him out of there. Please learn to love yourself. If you did, you would never have allowed this. Take the blinders off, girl. Don't be weak, regain your strength and take a stand, here. You don't wait around for a guy who is cheating, only to allow him, to consider coming back to you,if this other relationship doesn't pan out?!
Goodness, girl, you have been a victim of his deceit and lies. In a way, she is too, but the only difference is, you know about the betrayal and you still allow yourself to be manipulated by him.. In which case, you are no longer a victim, you are now volunteering yourself, to this BS. And I have to wonder 'why' your self-value is so low, that you would allow this. And don't tell me this is love..love and deceit cannot exist side by side. So, why do I think he is doing this? Because he been allowed to behave this way. I believe people generally only rise to the level of your own expectations. If you haven't kicked his sorry ass to the curb yet, he's smug..he's got the best of both worlds here. I can't think of anything other than, "get him out of your life" because there are some decent, loving, honorable guys out there and the only way to happiness for you, is to get rif of this guy so you can let go. You need to heal and recover from this..take as long as you need but do know-in time, once you get far enough from this situation is to be able to look back on your relationship with some clarity and mature perspective. Please do yourself a favor and get rid of him as quickly as possible. You need to work seriously on yourself and learn to love and accept yourself, and everything you do, say and think will eventually reflect how you feel about yourself. Like any wound, the scar of low self-esteem takes time to heal. Try not to rush the healing. I'd recommend that you get as much support and encouragement as you can get from family and friends. Get into self-confidence building courses and talk to a counselor as to how you can work out your unhealthy, 'co-dependent feelings'. Dig in and make the commitment to change and grow. But have tons of patience with yourself- you deserve that and remember...it takes time to grow! And please try to understand..men are not put here to 'be our life'...they are here to 'share' our life. All the best you and good luck, dear.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (11 August 2007):
 Having his cake and eating it springs to mind here.
Talk to him and tell him it's either you or her but he has to make a choice as he can not carry on decieving both of you and wait for her to end the relationship.
Take care.xx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): you should tell her wat a low life this guy is, u'd want some one to tell you, he's a liar and a cheater kick him out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): Well, six years is a long time to be together.
From what your partner says, it seems he doesn't really want that relationship. So the question is "why is he waiting for her to end it?".
If I were you, I would first confront your partner as for his reason for cheating (sometimes, in stressful conditions, people do things they later regret), his intentions towards her and, more importantly, why is he still with her. If you don't find a satisfactory answer to these questions, send him back with his mum for a while, make his bags and tell him to go.
Secondly, if this woman is still thinking he is not living with you, and so thinking she has him in her bag, she perhaps needs to know the truth, and you would do well to tell her. But be polite and kind to her.
The reason why I say this is because, from what you say, the big culprit here is your partner, and he is disrespecting you both with his double life and attitude.
From my point of view, he doesn't deserve neither of you.
Take care.
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