A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I found out 6 weeks ago that my boyfriend of nearly 8 years has been sleeping with a girl he met through work. We moved in together last summer. He says he met her last January 06 but they just spoke and he only slept with her bewteen January 07 - April 07. I don't know whether to believe this or that he had been sleeping with her since January 06. Anyway, I found hotel charges on his bank statements ages ago and he lied saying his card had been fraudulantly cloned, I only found out coz I found a number he called frequently on his mobile bill so I text it. The girl rang me and said she had been sleeping with him since January last yr (06). He would've continued to lie if it wasn't for this. She said he told her he had finished with me when they 1st met. The reason he did it he says it that we weren't getting on and she showed him attention! She could've been anyone he tells me, there were no feelings on his part. He says we have drifted apart and both want different things. I have chosen to forgive him as I do love him and cannot bear the thought of having to sell up and move back to my parents, I couldn't live without him. I'm finding it so hard to trust him understandably and I don't know what I can do? We have been spending more quality time together, going out etc, he says he wants us to be happy and to move on. This sounds easy to do but its not. I can't get the thought of him with her out of my head and the lies he told kill me. We are both 26. Do you think trust can be re-built and relationships survive this? Help me!
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female
reader, ally427 +, writes (7 August 2007):
i am so sorry 2 hear your story,from my past experience trust is hard 2 rebuild but with a lot of love and support it can be done.If he does it again then there is no going back.all the luck for the future.
A
female
reader, crymsn  +, writes (5 August 2007):
Don't make any major decisions for at least a couple of months on your relationship. Try and work on it, but keep your eyes open. The mind movies go away after some time. Only he can rebuild the trust. Is he remorseful? Has he told you everything now that it is out in the open? Don't be too quick to tell him you will stay either, that love you say you feel may actually be fear of going it alone.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Rebuilding trust is always very difficult, and I have the feeling that the odds are always against it.
My first concern here would be what he said about your drifting apart and wanting different things. Your relationship cannot work if this is so. Here is the first aspect you need to deal with; trust would be only the second. If you could manage to overcome this "drifting apart", well, you could work something out, I guess.
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