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He's been asking for a divorce but since I've decided yes, he has changed his mind

Tagged as: Breaking up, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 October 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 October 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone, I'm taking some time off of my 2 year marriage, ever since we were boyfriend and girlfriend relationship has been full of drama, he's always been very jealous and all our arguments get very very bad, like he's always too proud to accept when he's wrong and starts blaming everything on me and he can be very poisonous...recently we went on a trip and he got angry with me and ask for divorce, when he calmed down he asked again and again like for 5 or 6 days...I'd thought about before so I agreed, when we came back home, he regrets asking for divorce and says he loves me, by that time I was convinced that divorce was the best thing to do, we are both young and we can find somebody else...i stick to plan A (divorce) and one day he was fine with it and the other all depressed and last time I told him that was it, he got very angry, that night he went to see me and almost cryed and begged me to stay... The truth is that we've been through so much that I dont feel like I love him anymore, he's hurt me a lot and sometimes I've felt a humiliated by the things he's said and done to me...I really dont understand how someone who says to love you and be the love of his life can be so hurtful and I dont know how can I get to love him again, i dont get him!!

View related questions: depressed, divorce, jealous

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael Sweden +, writes (2 October 2010):

Cerberus_Raphael agony auntI think maybe he yearns for the drama so he needs you to stay only to end up hurting you to appease his appetite for tragedy and emotion. I know people like that and this man sounds like he is one of them. Divorce would be a good idea, be with someone who ensure that happiness is only emotion that lingers around you.

I hope that helps.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (2 October 2010):

Him asking for a divorce is exactly what you needed. It's woken you right up! This guy is awful. In two years of being married, he's been totally jealous, controlling, angry and has blamed you for everything.

I know why he asked for that divorce. It was done for control. He wanted to see you beg for him, to make you crawl. And it's backfired. Now that it has, he's turned into the "vulnerable crying man who needs wife after all".

Rubbish.

If you agree to take him back, he will be worse than ever. That's the way this kind of man works. They treat you badly to get control, then when they have control, they make you totally dependent.

Thank God you saw him for what he was and didn't take him back. You really can afford to get rid of this guy once and for all and move on. Don't believe a word he says. Get that divorce.

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