A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Most people say relationships calm down after a few months, people stop being clingy, they calm down and care about other things in life other than their girlfriends and boyfriends. Is this true? I suppose I have a different opinon to lots of people because I'm not the clingy type, as I feel relationships don't necessarily work that way and there's more in life that you should cherish.My mates just done my head in since he got with his girlfriend. And to be completely honest its not just me who's felt this way, but I think its bothering me more than any other of our friends.We've barely seen him, and when we do its for an hour or two in the day and that's on a very rare occasion.He doesn't want to come out anymore and spends all his time with her. I usually get on with his girlfriends but this one I can't stand. He obviously doesn't know this as I don't want to upset him.They spend their lives together, stay with each other every night and whenever they are both of work, day or night they are together. You never see her out with her friends nor him out with his seperately.They are always together, apart from being at work. He even stays with her at night and gets up early just to take her to work. He just runs around after her.She's not the type anyone thought he would go for. He's always been rather quiet for a guy, a bit quieter than us. Respectable, nice person etc. But shes the exact opposite. Shes loud, mouthy, got an attitude, shes slept around like you wouldn't believe, and in all honesty I do feel she's the type to get her own way/is spoilt at home. I don't doubt shes a nice person, she does love him, she's kind to him, but the above just shows another side of her.Worst bit is, he seems to love it. No one knows why. She writes stuff on his facebook that there's just no need for, some personal but she laughs at everything, shes really immature. She has only just turned 18 to be fair and hes 23 next month. And the odd occasion shes gone out whilst hes at work he fetches her at 2am.They've been together nearly 5 months, so I thought this would have calmed down by now. But it hasn't. Since hes been with her things have just gone down hill. Of course I'm glad hes happy despite the fact her immaturity gets on my nerves in more polite terms. I just wonder will this calm down? He seems to be acting more like her recently as well. Will he calm down and realise. Infact as much as I hate to ask the question it has crossed my mind... Is it likely they will last? or split up? I don't know how her immaturity doesn't get on his nerves. I fear we will never really see him again. I've pushed mates aside in the past for a gf but not like this, I believe there's a lot more than a girl you've known a few months. I'm afraid that she will change him permnantly, because theres been no positive change in the past few months. Thanks for your advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): yes it will calm down eventually but it may take a long time like a couple of years. seriously, it takes that long for people to notice each other's flaws and get irritated by them. some people get totally consumed in their new relationship and it's like their world revolves only around their partner. this is very unhealthy but it feels great to them while they're in the early stages. how long does this early stage last? I think it can last for over a year, maybe even 2 years. actually some people continue on to get married and continue to have their lives revolve only around their partner. usually they start to get tired of their partner but by now the relationship is stuck in this dynamic already so they continue that way and then have a mid life crisis when they realize they are 40 and have no friends or hobbies and their spouse dictates everything and runs their lives and doesn't allow them their own opinions. (I know people like this).I don't think there is anything you can do right now since he's still drinking the kool aid. If you were to say anything to him he'll just get angry and maybe even un-friend you since now his first loyalty is to her. I would just lie low, forget about him, or only check in on him sparsely every couple months...eventually if and when you see the cracks starting to appear (like he has decided he wants to hang out again but she won't let him and now he's upset at that) then you can say something to him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 there is no saying if the relationship will last but usually what you want at 18 is not what you want at 28.... but only time will tell.
Have you told your friend you miss him? Asked him to make guy time?
If you don't let him know you miss him how will he know?
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 The short answer is its very, very unlikely this will 'calm down', what is more likely to happen is that in the medium to long term the relationship will eventually end. Your friend sounds like a nice guy and his girlfriend sounds like somebody who is in love with the attention that he gives her. He's also obviously the submissive type in relationships and that is why he takes on some of her characteristics.
Your friend obviously has these character traits but they are recessive in him and she is teasing them out. Id say being a nice guy and a submissive type your friend probably also has some self esteem issues, she has more and in that sense one permanent change is that yes, you may find he is more assertive as a result of this, he will become more assertive with everybody else but her.
In terms of what you can do, I am afraid there is not much you can do with this one apart from do your best to continue to be his friend no matter how hard it is. I am pretty sure he will need you down the road.
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