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female
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anonymous
writes: Long distant relationship-help!Me and my boyfriend have been attempting a long distance relationship from opposite sides of the world for 5 months now after being (physically) together for 6 months. He tells me i am the one he wants to marry etc. It doesn't help that he is pretty bad at communication, so what can i do or say to lightly encourage him to improve our communication for the sake of our relationship?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 I've been there, and I think there are a few things you should do.
First, as you point out, communication is vital. When two lovers are away, each fears that the other will lose heart or find someone else, or is cheating, et cetera. So, you need to show you COMMITMENT. If you tell your man about this, he will understand and communication should improve.
I used to send a lot of things to my girl. If I happened to go anywhere, for work or whatever, I used to buy her a souvenir. This way, I showed her that I kept her on my mind anywhere I went. I sent her something every so often. Not a month went by without my sending her something.
Now that there's e-mail, things are easier; but snail mail helps, too. Snail mail requires more time and commitment, so it helps, because it shows commitment.
My girl and I had a private secret. We never sent kisses, but "pentons", which is Valencian for "kisses". This was our secret; we were not sending kisses just like everyone else does. We meant passionate, long kisses, and we used that word to say it "in private".
At the time, I didn't have much money (I was always scraping by), but I made sure I spent GOOD money in calling her every month. She knew how expensive it was for me to call her; and this was a proof of my commitment to her. She called me, too. Phone calls were expensive for her, too. We would always end our calls saying "fifty thousand", i.e., the number of times we would have intercourse when we were together again.
Now that I've suggested things you can do, I have two warnings for you.
First, Sometimes long-distance relationships don't work well, and lack of communication is the first sign of it. Suggest your man to improve communication, but let him free so that you can check whether he does. If he loves you, he will find the way to communicate at least once in a while. He could be busy sometimes, but eventually he will communicate. Just make sure you don't push him into it. Otherwise, you will have no indicator of whether something is going wrong.
Second, sometimes people don't feel the need to communicate as often as their loved ones do. I loved a girl who didn't see the need to communicate as often as I did, and I came across as pushy.
Long-distance relationships are difficult, but, if they work out, they are very rewarding. It is easy to love when you're close to someone. It is much harder to maintain the commitment when you're away.
Good luck, dear.
A
female
reader, darksecretangel  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 Hey.Like BEEN THERE DONE THAT has said men dont communicate as much as girl do, and they dont talk about things in the way we do. Im sure that he still loves you since he does want to marry you. Long distance relationships can be tough, but just write him letters and email him asking how his day went, and always be happy when he calls you, =] since he might be able to tell you are not happy when he calls you and that will put him of calling you in future. If you lack texts and calls from him, hint how these texts and calls make your day and you love them.Hope this helps you :)
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (18 June 2007):
 here Hun,
I would say most men are not as good us us girlies talking on the telephone, e-mailing etc...I am sure he still loves you so don't take it to heart,.
Why don't you send him a lovely letter letting him know how much you miss him prompting him with a few questions that he has to answer, like I said I don't think he means to be bad at communicating hun, be happy and cheerful when he calls otherwise he will pick up on your vibes, if all else fails ask him to phone a little more if he has time...
Hope this has helped babes and good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): Hi its real hard being apart Im guessing he has gone away to do somethin so he could be busy doin that Try telling him how much you miss him and would like more contact with him How long till he's back Tell him how much you cant wait to see him but for now as you have only texts and chats tell him how much it makes you smile when you recieve a text so keep them comin Hopefully he will get the idea
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