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anonymous
writes: I have been in a loving relationship for 2 years now. Last September I came to London to study for 9 months. My boyfriend said that when we get back we will start making plans to get married. We are both 30yrs old and have had our hearts broken before. I thought that my life was perfect with this man and he said that his was as well.Last week he came a couple weeks before my exams to London to tell me that he does not think that I am the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with and that I love him more than he loves me. He told me that I treat him too good and that I deserve better than him. I asked him if there is anyone else that he is seeing back home and he said no. He's just afraid of committment...house, land, mortgage, bills etc. None of his friends are married and I don't think that they plan to in the near future. They all have a bond thing and some stupid man code thing. He said that he is very confused but he still loves me.What is going on in this guy's head? I went home for XMas and all was perfect and now he says that he has been thinking about us since January.Please tell me what is going on. I love this guy dearly and do not want to lose him just like that.Lost in London
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): ok ..i,am in the same situation as you are ..im baffled as well .its been 5 weeks since our break up..we were in a rel. for a year and a half ..i love him like ive loved no other ...hes 45, im 50 .he was married for about a year almost 15 yrs ago..has been living alone since ...problem is ..hes my best friend too..i know ,truly know what you are going through..he sayshe will never find another woman like me..doesnt even want to date now ..just wants to be alone/i really dont have an answer for u hon,but im with ya ..and i feel your pain
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): Commitment to whose desires? To your desires for financing? Or to his desires, which it sounds like you don't even know what they are. And you wonder why he hesitates? You mst be kidding. I think most women want financing and stability and love. I have asked some and that is what they tell me. I hope you are not assuming he couldn't have a list of desires that is equal to your desires for land, house, car platinum credit cards? Or were you perhaps just wanting to find a man to finance you and to hell with what he wants outside that? It indicates a rather profound immaturity and disrespect to assume you know what a man wants without asking. If he finances you, prepare yourself for years of unhappiness as your commitment to his happiness/desires - as HE defines it - is not there.
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reader, x-clare-x +, writes (12 April 2005):
I totally agree with joonie, the guy has probably done something that he shouldn't. Besides if you want something that he doesn't then it won't work anyway. Besides I know that 30 can feel really old sometimes but trust me you are still young and London is a great place to meet new people. Why not take some time out and see if there is anyone else that takes your fancy. Being single can be great fun!!
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reader, joonie +, writes (12 April 2005):
red alert!!! more often than not, when you hear the words "you deserve better", there is someone else...sorry to sound harsh, but i've experienced both sides of it b4...saying those words indicates guilt somewhere if you ask me, and relieves the person of having to speak the whole truth...i do not believe absense makes the heart grow fonder...i'm sure he loved you madly b4 he left, but by not seeing you very often, he'll have a lot of "single" time, and plenty of opportunity for meeting other women...PLEASE, DO NOT beg...instead, make yourself as scarce as possible so he has a chance to miss you, AND respect you for keeping your dignity...best of luck!!!
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