A
female
age
30-35,
*3chelciemarie
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. Recently I turned 21, my boyfriend however will not be 21 until June. On my birthday we spent the whole day together and later that night I was going to go out with friends. Since the majority of my friends are still 20 and my birthday was on a monday, the bars were kind of dead. So i decided after an hour or 2 at the bars, we would all meet up for a bonfire at the beach with a keg. I went to the bars with my 2 girl friends and one of their boyfriends. Of course when we were there we all ended up sitting with 2 guys who were looking for a good time. After some drinks we invited them to the bonfire; so we could have a little party. When we got to the beach though my boyfriend would not even look at me, I called him after we left and we ended up fighting for 2 hours. He was really mad that I "picked up guys" the first night im 21. I told him I understood and I was sorry how that happened but that I did not pick them up, I didnt even remember their names, we (as a group) were inviting people to our bonfire, something completely normal to do. He would not hear what I had to say though and was saying very rude words to me. He said hes lost trust in me and he never thought I was that kind of girl. A typical "white girl wasted". He said it was careless and classless of me to do that to him after he tried so hard to make my birthday special to him. He told me with a little practice Ill be the most known girl at the bars? He's never talked like this to me and it really hurt my feelings a lot. I know I did nothing wrong and after 2 years of a solid relationship he is now telling me he no longer trusts me? I dont know about you but I know a relationship can never work without trust. What I am asking is, what to do? He is acting like I cheated on him and I would NEVER do that to him. I do so much for him and it seems like he took one little thing and disregarded everything I do for him. Ive never seen this crazy side to him but I mean does he really care about me if he is going to talk to me like that and make me feel bad for something that was an innocent act. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 August 2013):
It sounds to me like this should be a wake up call to you that you and your boyfriend aren't meant to be together forever. Let him find his "White girl not-wasted" (whatever that is) and you go find someone who'll treat you the way you want to be treated.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): Just reverse the roles and see if you wouldn't be mad. Would you like it if he went out without you and met up with two girls for fun and then afterwards you get put on the spot in front of those two girls(Who you don't really know)? If you actually put yourself in his shoes and try to understand the situation then you can see what went wrong. And too everyone else saying this guy is a woman hater just stop. Do you know how many girls freak out when there boyfriend just has lunch, hangs out, or is in a room with another woman? About every single one of them I've come across, so don't act like your gender is any better.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (21 August 2013):
 First off, Happy Birthday
I think your boyfriend is upset because he missed out on the "fun" part of your birthday. Let's face it, when you turn 21 you pretty much have access to everything and it is easy to get caught up in this new sense of freedom.
Going to bars while you are in a committed relationship can be a dicey proposition. Usually bars are a place where singles go to get hit on and to hit on other singles. Unless there is dancing there there really isn't a purpose to go there without your partner. I know you were in an exceptional case, but you have to realize what sort of fears are going through your boyfriend's mind: he fears that you'll get hit on by someone better than him and you'll be drunk and wind up going home with someone other than him. Realistic or not, that is what he is thinking... and that scares him. On a positive note he truly cares about you and doesn't want to lose you.
While his reaction is typical and predictable, I do think he took it a step too far. His name calling was on the callous side and not conducive to expressing his concerns. He also jumped to some awful conclusions.
I hope you take a look at it from his perspective. I know I wouldn't appreciate it if my girlfriend brought guys to a bonfire that she had just met in a bar. I'd see that as competition and an excuse to make me jealous. Personally, from a man's standpoint, you did give him reason to be upset and concerned.
Sometimes it isn't a matter of being right or wrong -- as the case is here. It is knowing when you've hurt someone you love and how to make amends. Hopefully he'll see the error in his ways as well and you'll come to an agreement about how to deal with the 21 and over situation...
Eddie
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): Firstly I agree with EVERYTHING jannie peg said- he is from some school of thought that women and men can't hang out without ending up in bed.
So what are you to him? One of many slags? He doesn't see you as the loyal, sweet person you are, but just another "white floozy" he clearly has some underlying resentment about women, and you technically come under the category of things he dislikes. Shouldn't you be treated with a bit more love and respect? His behaviour is unacceptable and it's his problem not yours.
Do you want to be with someone with not only this bitter mentality, but also a nasty, hurtful side to them like this? I used to know a guy, he seemed so sweet at first, always calling me, texting me, comforting when I was upset... 3 years down the line he's coming on to my best friend, messaging her all the time, making up rumours about me, when I was really distraught and asked him for help he dismissed me and shunned me.
My point Is it's very hard to know who someone really is. I think it's up to you now to decide if you want to move forward with this guy... Listen to your gut
Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 August 2013):
 Your boyfriend was jumping to a conclusion that was not warranted. In my opinion, his behavior was immature and rude.
There can be no excuse for his insulting remarks to you. "White girl wasted" indeed! No, his attitude is
beyond the pale as the saying goes.
I think how you proceed from this point is up to you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 August 2013):
 Not very certain how the events went. You went to the beach with two female friends, one of their boyfriend, then invited two guys to the beach. I thought your boyfriend was doing something with you during the day, then you left him to go to the bars because he is under 21 and couldn't come. At a later time you called your boyfriend, "hey come to the beach with us!" He got there then he saw the other two stranger guys and got disgusted?
Did you introduce your boyfriend to them? Or did your boyfriend just feel like a guy in the group?
Some men can't fathom a possible friendship between men and women. They think that when both sexes get together, it's only for one thing.
Some people just don't understand the need to invite strangers to a bonfire, especially on your birthday. That is what made your boyfriend suspect. He probably came from the school of thought that women are to be approached and be picked up by men. When women make the approach, then what else could they be, besides sluts? Although I can understand that for birthday parties, more is always better. Most of your friends are under 21 and couldn't come.
Your boyfriend regards himself to highly. He thought that he is the only one you need in your life. Your outside friends diminished his existence.
Still, without trying to understand your motives, he called you names and was verbally abusive. There is no excuse for that.
After two years, he still doesn't know who you are. It is only something like this that shows his true colours, about how much he hates women. His mind is so preoccupied with accusations, that he never thought it's the whole group's idea to have invited those two guys.
If your boyfriend became president in some extreme countries, then a lot of young girls would be beaten just by talking to guys, like it is already happening today.
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