A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm really concerned about my Best FriendWe've know eachother since elementary school and we've always been neighbors. Back then it was kind of weird if i didnt see her every week. She's super nice and funny, but she's also a bit impulsive and has absolutely no clue how drop dead gorgeous she has become. But recently a few months ago she moved out of state (she's now a junior in high school and I'm a year older). When she started school she claims that she made a few friends... But there's this one guy who she has started to hang out with I believe is trying to take advantage of her situation and she doesn't see it!First of all, she barely has anyone to hang out with over there (yet!), so when ever he calls she answers and drives off to see him. She's always home alone now because her brother left for college. And the second time they hung out, he made a move on her and they made out. She claims they barely know eachother! He's never asked her out, and given her any hint that he wants a stable relationship. (Besides shoving his tounge down her throat). She doesn't know any of his friends... And she really doesn't know how to say no!Then ever since the second time, every time they hang out they've been hooking up.I think the boy expects her eventually put out... But my friend disagrees. He's honestly not very attractive and my best friend is undeniably beautiful. I'm worried that if she keeps doing this that she'll get labelled as a slut, and this would hinder her making any decent friends. I'm worried that she'll make dumb decisions because she's lonley, and this horny teenage guy is trying to get at her. She's still a virgin too.If you ask me why I care, this girl is like a little sister to me. And I will always care for her like that.I tried to tell her all of this, and she claimed that I was very right, and she understood, and that she would break things off with the boy. But the very next she texted me that they made out again, and that she decided it would be alright. But I know that if she keeps doing it this boy is going to have expectations of her that they'll make out every time they hang out! Eventually he's going to push things further and further... And I don't think she knows how to stop him.How do I make her see things my way?
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 August 2013):
How about you give her advice and then let her use her best judgment. There's no "making her see it your way". People see things the way they see them, and if talking to them doesn't change that then there's nothing else you can do.
Also, you act as if you know this guy. Yes he'll probably try to sleep with her, but have you ever considered the fact that she knows he will and is okay with that? I think it's time to let her live her life.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 August 2013):
 You will have to let her make her own mistakes.
You could try to keep her busy and away from the guy but eventually, just like any little sister or daughter, she will have to grow up and experience her own life.
So how do you make her see things your way? Tell your own stories and your worries about her but that's pretty much it.
If someone doesn't want to be her friend because of her 'past' that that person isn't really all that 'decent.' As far as her 'past,' um, having a big crush on one guy doesn't make her a slut. Why isn't he known as a 'slut'?
If the people around you are classifying people in that way, you need to hang out with a better class of people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): Like a frustrated parent; you can't make a teen see anything your way. Whatever you tell them not to do, they can't wait to do it.
She is experimenting, and thinks she sees things in the guy you don't. It's her first experience and the more you warn her, the closer you'll push her to this guy. She isn't as dumb as you think she is. Keep advising her; but don't try to make her see things your way. You don't tell her what to do. You're not her mother.
I understand your concerns; but her looks are not as important as her well-being and her reputation. I think you are underestimating her control over the situation, and she may have more influence over the boy, then he has over her.
She will never see guys through your eyes. She may not look for the same traits or match up with boys according to her appearance. He makes her feel desirable. He is softly whispering in her right ear; while you're lecturing in her left ear. She doesn't hear you.
Be a good friend. She doesn't let her looks decide who she likes. You have no right to push that sort of superficial thinking on her. She's not ignoring you, she's doing what she wants to do.
Unfortunately, we all have to learn from our own actions and suffer the consequences of our own decisions. You've done all you can do as a friend; but it really isn't any of your business. Continue to give her advice; but you can't cram it down her throat, no more then you'll listen to everything your parents tell you.
She will learn as she goes. She also has her own parents, who look out for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): Put to her as "imagine if we were in a bar and some sleaze bag came up to me ' or you, would you feel comfortable if I went back home with him? I wouldn't because he's after one thing as he barely knows you and he's primarily forward and physical. It's a protective thing..."
Something like that maybe.... And mention would she go home with the sleaze? Would she give that one special thing she can only give away once in her life to some bloke who barely knows her but wants to claim her body inside out. Tell her that just because they've not met in a bar, it's the same situation- there are young hornballs EVERYWHERE.
Ask her what she likes about the guy? Really try and get to the bottom of it. Because it may well be that she likes the attention, and finds the thought of a young horny guy always wanting it erotic... Just a thought...
I think at the end of the day you've got to hope if she doesn't want to do something she won't. But hammer all these thoughts home to her and hopefully she won't make a really stupid mistake!
Good luck xx :)
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