A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So this boy sent this message to me after I wrote him a message saying that I can't deal with his hot n' cold behavior. We were already kind of separated because he did some dumb things. For example he gave me my first kiss and then ignored for a month then came back and acted all sorry. Ugh, I forgave him :/.Then he wanted to get together and we were in the process of getting back together, when again he sent me a comment on myspace telling me I should really really think about if I want to be his girlfriend. It was so frustrating because of course I wanted to be or else I wouldn’t have forgiven him.It seemed like he didn’t know what he wanted and it hurt so much because he had been all I wanted.So his note said,“I’m glad you wrote this, but hurting girls for me doesn’t mean I’m hurting them, it means I’m teaching them a lesson or getting them use to being rejected or whatever you want to call it. i want to be your friend and mess around... Brittany I’ve had so much fantasy with you everynight and time. But Emily was the love of my life and i havent loved any girl like her . but Tatiana was the love of ma life before her. but Emily got pregnant , and it was my son. We almost had a kid together and it changed my life completely.So much that now I care for no girl regardless. She meant the whole world to me. but now she’s a backstabbing slut and she f**** my life . I’m over her. but not the love I had for her. I’m not going to love anyone anymore. Not any girl until I’m much older.. so dont think im going to fall in love with a girl anytime soon. i am controlling myself from love. I know what i want , I’m Kyle, I don’t hav a plan in life but i have a ''blue print'' . get it. i do what i want and i know what i want. right now..as of these times i want sex, and fun and to mess around with girls. if i cant get it. I don’t care. im not forcing it. but if girls come to me that's how it'll be. I’m not in a need of a girl.i changed Brittany. and trust Kyle. ME.. you don’t want to love me. You should’ve read ma facebook statuses. i was being serious . All i think now is F**** bitches get money . i dont want friends or gfs because I’m going to leave them all. soon.. i do want to be with you but not in love. were' young brittany , and your stupid. you think you know whut love means?? you dont. you dont need to love anyone right now. You’re young!! have fun ,f*** around , get wild with your life. you have college ,you’re going to find hotter ''kyles'' there.. and i won’t be around. i'll be somewhere in the world. You’re dumb but i say this because i love you as ma beloved friend.! stop loving people. just be a teen jaan. live your life , not plan it. ( like this) i told you what i want and i also would love to be your frind. Because you never shut up and i like that.”Okay. So after this note we just kind of stopped seeing each other. We would chat but while chatting he would always bring up our relationship and sex. And it just sucked. So about two weeks after all of this he got a new girlfriend and it hurt so much. I was replaced so quickly. I had to delete him off facebook and myspace because he would put up statuses about how much he loved her and stuff. I was like OMG you just told me you wouldn’t fall in love and stuff. It just hurt because I was losing him. I couldn’t say anything and I felt guilty because I let him go. But I really did love this boy:/ so I deleted him. It was one of the hardest things ever.ugh.So after about like 3 weeks he added me on myspace. I added him back because I thought he wanted to talk or something. I sent him a message asking him how his spring break was. I never responded back and I know he read the message because myspace tells you if it is read. Whatever. I just let it be. He’s still my friend on there.But in about another 2 weeks he sent me a friend request on facebook. I don’t know what to do:/ I mean what’s the point in adding him, he has a girlfriend. Like what does he want? If he wanted to talk to me he would’ve answered my message I sent him on myspace. Should I add him? I hate the feeling that I’ll never be a part of his life again:/ it sucks. I don’t know how to describe it. But I don’t want to give myself false hope. If he has something to say he should say it to my face. I don’t want to see his status updates about his girlfriend. He disgusts me sometimes because his relationship seems so fake. After all he said, how can he say “I love you” to someone. But who am I to judge:/.Maybe it was just me he didn’t want. But idk why I’ve always been there for him as a friend and everything. I did nothing.Your opinions on this situation? Should I add him? What do you think he really wants? Why won’t he leave me alone? HELP. Please ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 My dear, I am all in favour of thinking positive, but if you manage to give yourself hopes in this situation, you are way too optimistic than you need to be.
What do I think he really wants ? ... He told you very clearly, and he has shown you clearly by his actions. He wants to have fun and sleep around with no committments or obligations. He does not care if he may hurt somebody's feelings in this process, because he sees that as teaching them a life lesson. He wants to do what he wants to do whnever he wants to do it,with no scruples or restraints.
What does he want from you ? At most that you become his FWB at his beck and call for a bit of extra fun. People
like this guy think there's always room for one more sex buddy,the more the merrier. In fact, he has been rather honest with you, he told you exactly what you can expect from him.
Do not add him. It's a waste of time,trust me.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 His girlfriend is someone he has to fake a relationship to have sex with until he can't take the faking anymore. Sooner or later he would have to copy and paste that letter and send it to the girl, until he stops being so bitter about women and life. There is a little him in every man. He added you for the same reason you added him. It's just one click away and it doesn't have to mean much. You just don't want to let go of him. He doesn't want a girlfriend, but he still wants you to miss him, that's all.
Why do guys act hot and cold? When they act hot they get the sex. They turn cold to keep the relationship from growing deep. He is associating relationship with drama. He's protecting himself but at the same time preventing himself from getting the happiness and real satisfaction of bonding with a female. Many young girls would be deceived by him, thinking that they can change him but they just have to learn it the hard way.
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