A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a huge problem. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 8 months now and I don't enjoy kissing him, I'm always first to break the kiss after a matter of seconds and this is due to the fact that whenever he kisses me it's wet, sloppy and awkward. He can't seem to grasp the process of an open mouthed kiss and while this is putting a dampner on kissing for me I can't bring myself to discuss it with him. He seems to be the type who is easily upset and I've never been very good with words. I can't break up with him over something as tiny as this because other than this one problem he's a great guy. How on earth am I supposed to abolish this problem without upsetting my boyfriend and leaving me unsatisfied with kissing?PLEASE help.Anon. X
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Kissing is so very important, isn't it? I know how you feel, there's something offputting to me about a really slobbery kiss, unless of course, I'm in the mood for it.
Why not try this? Tell him that you want to try a little game, a kind of follow-the-leader practice session. You are going to kiss him but he is not allowed to kiss you back while you do this. Have him get his mouth the way you want it. A little open, wide open, not open at all. Your preference. Some tension in the lips or no tension at all, again your preference.
Then tell him that you're going to kiss him in the most romantic and delicious way you know how, then (after he's set with your instructions) you kiss him the way you want him to kiss you.
Now, it would be only fair to let him do follow-the-leader too after this. But maybe he'll get your point.
And somewhere in all the practice kissing, you'll find a happy medium!
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Well this is one of the tough one hon! You have to tell him and show him!
There are a couple of difficult things in a relationship in which you might feel bad for upsetting him, but when you are even considering ending the relationship over it, you definitely need to talk to him about it. Ok.. so how about you tell him you would like to kiss in another way and you'd like to coach him and then he can do the same if he wants. For example, you start kissing and tell him what to do and when he gets it tell him that you like it. The sloppy part might have to be a little more straight forward! Then ask him to teach you how he likes being kissed and tell him to tell you when you do it correctly. This way it becomes more of a conversation on preferences rather than an attack on his performance.
Now, guys ego can be easily harmed so you have to be very careful. I would stay away off of:
1. I don't like kissing you
2. You are too sloppy when kissing
3. You don't turn me on
Try to focus the words on you:
1. I would like it better if...
2. What if we tried this other thing... it makes me want to make out more
3. I love how we make out, maybe our kissing could go more like this... it would turn me on more if you...
Remember to praise him every time he makes the effort to improve for you even if it is not what you expect fully. Change takes time (for at least trying). After he gets it (hopefully he will) let him know how he is doing it great. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 June 2008):
Hmmmmm this is a really tough one.
I think you best bet is to use positive re-enforcement (from dog training haha.)
When ever he does something right - tell him how nice it is and how he's the best ever. When he does something wrong, just pull away and don't mention it.
I find I want different kisses when I'm in different moods, sometimes a really soft closed mouthed kiss can be so nice if you just stay there. Some times a drunken snog is just what I want.
Experiment with different ways of kissing in the same way you'd try different sexual things.
You can always act all shy and say something along the lines of "I was sat at work and just thinking about how you kiss me today and I went all red (giggle) ... I love it when you X" and then describe good kissing technique as you want it.
Good Luck!! xx
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