A
female
age
41-50,
*adie30
writes:Well how do i start, my partner has been a heroin addict for two years, after false promises and hope that he would get better i have found out that he still is on it, he lies to me about what he is doing. It is so upsetting because we can be so good togther, i have tried my hardest to support this man get off drugs but to no evail. I have a child that he used to be great with but of late he has become more withdrawn from normal life and hardly wants to do anything, he sits up all night and sleeps half the day. I get angry cause he wont help about the house the way he should. When i try to talk to him about stuff he just walks out, it is as if the truth is too hard to handle. I finally have asked him to leave last night as i know this is no good for any of us to be like this, he went to his familys house and even they can stand the person that he has become. It is a horrible situation to be in and i feel guilty as i know he has no where to go and no money in his pocket. Where do you draw the line and say enough is enough, sometime i take him back because he looks so pitiful and my heart aches... he changes for a few days then goes back ot his old ways. I feel as if the life is being drained from me over this and i really cant cope anyomre, have i done the right thing by asking the man i truely love to leave ????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): Yes, you are doing the right thing. It isn't your fault he is penniless and isn't your job to fix, change, help or do anything for him at all. I think you need to ask yourself why you love a person like this. Honestly who we love reflects more about how we feel about ourselves than anything. You are a mother and that means far more than - sorry to say this - but this moron you think you love. Cut the strings and live a life without this drama.
I have been in your shoes but when I had my child I let this man go without looking back. That is no good to have around my child but consequently I realized I didn't deserve to have a man like that around me either! If he can't care about himself he can't care for you or your child and it will just get worse.
My ex is clean now - for a few years I think. It took 1 year of prison followed by a horrible 2 months free to another 4 years of prison to get him there. And sadly he is a good guy (for the most part LOL) he ended up doing the right thing in the end. But I would never let him into my life again like that. He gave up his parental rights to our child after a patient wait from me. Because you are correct in that these people are still PEOPLE. But this is not what you need around you or your child. Perhaps you do need some counseling to understand that you can still love without being USED by a user. I have a person who I will forever be in love with but it can't happen with them and for me to love them, in my fashion, is the healthiest thing to do. Stop trying to make him what you want him to be - regardless of whether he could be that because a person off drugs is completely different from their addicted personality - and accept that he is a drug addict. Plain and simple. And then ask yourself what you are doing. You are hurting you and your child. That is all.
Do not feel guilt. He is not your responsibility. He is in charge of himself alone. He is a grown man. Make him leave, be nice in your tone but be firm. You can even say that you love him but he is manipulating you with it every time you take him back. That isn't real love! Say "I love you and I hope the best for you but that is all up to you" END OF STORY.
And honestly, don't look back. Don't take him back. He will need to start fresh if he ever gets out of this. It will take years. Coming back in a couple months will only make him relapse. I am sorry but I don't think you truly are in love with this man. You will find the right man - a man you deserve.
(((BIG HUG)))) I know it is hard but you will thank the powers you believe in that you did this. Trust me. I do every day. My life is all I always knew it should have been. I just had to believe I deserved it.
A
male
reader, Salad Fingers +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Heroin is a nasty substance, its one of if not the most addictive drug. Unless the person in question REALLY wants to quit, meaning getting help somehow (or if they have a ridiculously strong willpower) they wont quit. So yea id say youve done the right thing.
Having a heroin addict around yourself and a child wont be good to either of you. If i was in your shoes, id tell him he needs to go elsewhere to get clean, then he can come back, IF hes proved hes clean.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Yes hunny I believe you have done the right thing, He can get help if he wishes to and go to a rehab centre if he went to his doctor..There is only so much you can do for a person with addiction. If you are there all the time then he will not even try to help himself love and you need to have some peace from this you have a child hunny you need time and some tender loving care..
http://www.dmoz.org/Health/Addictions/Substance_Abuse/Centers_and_Counseling_Services/Europe/United_Kingdom/
Here is some counselling groups hunny you can print these out and hopefully he may get help..But you have done your bit, you need time for you sweetheart TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): I think you have.
It's a terrible addiction and leads to all sorts of other problems like crime, and let's face it, he'll kill himself with an overdose one day. Do you really want to be around to see that happen? Do you want your child to see that happen?
If he wants to push the self-destruct button, it's best that he does it on his own without involving you. It's hardly surprising that he never has any money in his pocket and he's probably not the same person that you fell in love with, and is never likely to be in the future.
It's a tough decision that you've made, but I believe you've made the right one, especially as there's a child involved. It's not so long ago that I read about one poor kid who died of a methadone overdose from a bottle that was carelessly left lying about by an addict.
If he manages to stay clean for a couple of years then he might have changed - but don't hold your breath.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Yes, you've done the right thing. A life with an addict is not a life at all. Go out there and find a real man who can prioritize you and not drugs. Your ex needs a reality check, and perhaps you leaving him will help him on the path to recovery. The break up is better for BOTH of you.
Stay strong!
xx India
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