A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for just under two years. We were originally in a semi-long-distance relationship (we'd spend about a third of the year in the same town) but I moved in with him about 6 weeks ago. We've been having sex for over a year with no problems, but for the last week or so he just can't get hard. He's managed to once or twice but it only lasts for a few seconds. I don't have that high of a libido so it doesn't worry me that much if we don't have sex so often but I can tell that it's upsetting him. I've tried reassuring him and giving him massages and cuddles and stuff instead but he's getting rather bothered and has been trying to figure out what's causing it. He's a healthy enough 21 year old guy so I think it's probably a psychological problem about stress or something but he doesn't seem to agree with me.What else could be causing it? I've begun to wonder if perhaps there is something about my attitude that shuts him down? I don't have particularly high self-esteem and sometimes complain about my weight (which in reality, I know is perfectly fine really but I have struggled with weight in the past so I'm a bit touchy about it). I always act confident in bed so I doubt it's a problem there but perhaps my attitude out-of-bed stresses him out? What do you think?
View related questions:
libido, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 March 2014):
Hi there. Perhaps it is time for you to both sit down together and have a talk about it.
Not at the time you are about to try and make love, though.
At another time completely, when you are both relaxed and won't be disturbed by anyone else.
Ask him directly when you do have this chat, if anything has happened in his life that keeps eating away at him.
And ask him to be completely honest with you.
And say to him, even if it is something about you that bothers him.
It's really the only way you are going to find out what is on his mind.
Because, there is obviously something stopping the process of him getting a full erection, from happening.
Being unable to gain and maintain a full erection usually starts in the mind, and what is happening there at the time.
There could be something distracting him from feeling in the mood fully.
And this is going to be a BIG part of finding a solution to the problem.
There are of course other things like, job security, someone close to him (family or friends) with a serious illness, and many other things.
Then there could be a problem that he thinks you don't really enjoy how he makes love to you, and this could be getting in the way of his enjoyment as well.
Because, you did say you have a low libido, and this would affect how you respond, if you don't fully get into the mood for making love, yourself.
And this would in turn affect how he feels about making love to you, and in even starting to make love to you - if he thinks you feel like you could take it or leave it.
He might think you are almost completely disinterested in sex.
Like that you are only half-hearted about the whole thing.
That would definitely, rub off on him, for sure.
It is certainly something to think about.
And also to talk about it with him, as it will affect your relationship in a very negative way.
And with time, it will only get worse, if you say nothing and let things go on the way they are.
Talking could get everything out in the open, so you are both on the same page.
The longer you leave it without doing something about it, the more likely it could end your relationship altogether.
And I assume that you really don't want that.
It also comes down to how you feel about each other generally.
Does it seem like you are "in love" with each other?
Would you say there is a spark between you?
There has to be something, otherwise you wouldn't stay together, surely.
It's even possible that perhaps you are both coming to a place where the relationship just IS NOT working, anymore.
And this is something that needs to be fully discussed as well, because how you feel towards each other, affects the rest of your relationship - and it will show evidence of this in the bedroom.
So don't delay talking about EVERY part of the relationhip, for one single day longer.
You both need to know how the other one feels about you, and about the relationship.
Plus, where you both see it going in future, and if it has a future.
And then you will both start getting some answers.
It's really the ONLY way to get to the bottom of it, once and for all.
You have said he otherwise seems very healthy and fairly fit, so there doesn't appear to be a medical problem.
This of course, could also be checked out by a doctor - just to rule anything out.
But as you say it has only just started to happen, well then that seems to point towards it being a psychological issue of some kind.
So all the more reason to sit down and talk.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 March 2014):
 If it is only been the last week or so I wouldn't worry to much about it as am sure things will go back to normal. It could be that after the first time of not being able to get an erection that he worries about it and now it is causing a problem. I suggest maybe try and seduce him. Dress up in lingerie have a romantic night and see if things improve. Hopefully it will pass. However if it does keep happening and your boyfriend feels that he is not stressed or worried about anything then I suggest that he goes to the doctor just to check everything is okay.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): Over use of pornography mosy probably, there is alot of questions on here about it.
...............................
|
