A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I´m a single working mother of two. One is 13yo and the second 5yo. Six months ago I met a handsome foreigner twice-divorced aged 60. After 2 months, he came to live with us. He´s the first man to ever enter my household because I´ve always been wary. He has 4 children, 3 of them are from his first marriage and are a completely wreck and his baby daughter is living away from him. To him, she is absolutely perfect. She can do no wrong. Whenever he talks about her, the words mature, generous, funny, clever, brilliant, lovely, beautiful... comes from his mouth. I get it, he loves her, I have no trouble with that. But, to him, my kids are almost psychopaths (his words) My teenage girl is nothing but trouble and the little one is sooo selfcentered. My kids are not perfect and yes, I adore them. He says he has tried to bond with them but currently my 13yo lives with her father and he's always complaining he now has to sometimes look after my baby.To make matters worse, I work 9 hours, six days a week to make ends meet. He buys groceries for all of us and helps in the house (he´s on a pension) so he feels I take him for granted. Of course I apologized and started to make an effort to be home as much as possible. Because I have always been single and my household´s sole provider, I have debts and expenses that are my responsibility but he hates to hear me talking about it (he does not give me a single penny to pay for those)I feel I have to always be smiley, gracious, funny and sexy.I financially struggle and have little time for our relationship.Right now I'm feeling miserable because I don't even have a shoulder to cry on or someone that could say, don´t worry, everything will be alright.He says that my problems are killing our relationship and frankly, I don´t know if I want to continue
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 Honestly forget about how you feel at the moment and put your children first. Get rid off him, if he called my children names he would be out before he even got to finish his sentence. Be a good mother and put your children first. Honestly he is twice your age and twice divorced, I doubt you need him in your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2017): He sounds horrible . How dare he talk about your children like that . Ge chases younger women with family commitment because he thinks you will put up with his rubbish whereas he knows that women his own age will see straight through him and have no incentive whatsoever to hope he turns out to be a good daddy or knight on a white horse.He is taking advantage of you sweetie. Yes , ok you made a big mistake getting involved with him so so soon but there is no point beating yourself up over what is done . We all make mistakes in life and I have no doubt he told you all the right things to make you believe he was something he is not The issue now is how to get rid of him and clean up the mess. This man sounds like nothing but trouble . I encourage you to lean onWhatever family and friends you have as support and tell people the truth about what is going on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2017): He is twice divorced. He is old. He is egotistical and selfish. He is mean to your kids. He is using you for ego gratification. He is not there for you in all the ways that count.Hmmmm.I would say it is an easy decision to make.This guy is an over the hill, wanna be Romeo who is desperately trying to recapture his youth by latching onto you. He likes the "idea" of a much younger woman. He likes the fantasy of it all. Not the reality. That is why he does not like your kids. Calls them names. Resents you working long hours. Because it all takes away from your time with him. Removes your attention away from him. Takes away from HIS needs. He could care less about yours. He is the guy who will take the limo with you when there's a party but when your car breaks down, he won't be there to walk you to the nearest gas station. He's a good time Charlie. He is good to you when you are his little puppet but the moment your life interferes, he starts to stomp his feet like a selfish and greedy little child. Talk about pressure on you to feel like you always have to be perfect in his company. That is not normal. He is not the kind you can truly be yourself with and expose your vulnerabilities to, which you must do in order to be in a safe, loving relationship. You do not feel you can talk to him. Or open up. Because he is only thinking about himself and the conversation would always be one sided and tip in his favour. So, you are miserable because you know you can't win. And you know he does not care. And you know what else? The old guy is set in his ways. And he will never change.He is most concerned about you dropping everything to pay attention to him and to cater to all his whims. He is a very immature old guy, isn't he? You have only known him a short time but you already know exactly what you need to know about him.Shallow Hal is who he is.You need to focus on your life and your kids and providing for them. You have been doing an amazing job by the way. Keep it up! Don't let this control freak walk in and try to tell you how to live your life. You have been doing just fine before he came into the picture. And you will do just fine when he is gone!Let him latch onto some other woman who will take his crap. You are not that woman. I can see that. You are much too independent and have self respect. And you know this guy is not bringing any value to your life, or to your kid's lives. I know the moment any man demeaned my child, he would be out the door. That says a lot about a guy. He is pathetic to put kids down that way and raise his up like they are perfect? I doubt he had much to do with it. He was probably out skirt chasing for most of their childhoods. And I can guarantee you his charm got him into trouble in both his marriages, if you know what I mean. Charm combined with selfishness is a lethal combination. You do not have to drink his poison. You are too smart and too good for him.Wish you well.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (26 February 2017):
 I agree with Celtic Tiger. Its very troubling that after only 2 months you moved basically a total stranger into your home and your children's lives. A man old enough to be your father and their grandfather. You don't know someone after dating 2 months! I realize you must have felt a connection but there's no way you could know that man.
Its easy for him to judge you because he can see how you deal with your children but you have no idea how he dealt with his kids. The fact that he at that age has a young child isn't good.
Sometimes its ok to end a relationship and walk away. This is one of those times. Put your kids first mom. They need you. They can't make the decisions..you can. Make smart ones.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (26 February 2017):
 The worrying thing here is that you moved a complete stranger into your home having only been in a relationship for two months - 8 weeks - 60 days.
Personally that shows very little concern for the wellbeing of your children, or how your relationship might impact on them.
As a man twice your age he has already been there, done that with regards to child rearing - you have no idea how good he was at that, but the fact that he was able to leave a baby daughter, suggests he isn't that bothered by the whole thing.
He sounds like an aging man desperately trying to hold on to his youth, and proving he still has sex appeal.
He obviously likes chasing younger women (if he has a baby daughter you are not the first) and it sounds like once she was pregnant he was no longer interested as the relationship did not fulfil his desire to be the centre of attention.
There is no rule that says you have to be in a relationship. Sometimes being single is the best option.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 February 2017):
 I think, you AND ESPECIALLY, your kids will be better off without this guy.
If course his kids are PERFECT! he isn't the one raising them! Their mother is! And HE doesn't spend time with them 24/7 so what he CHOOSES to see and remember of his kids is colored by the fact that HE wants HIS kids to be perfect so "bam" they are perfect in his eyes. Just like you think YOUR kids are great and I think mine are great too. Parents love their children and some even their step-children and the children of their partner/siblings/ family/friends etc. And some don't.
Buying groceries and helping out is nice, but it doesn't make him some kind of Saint that you need to worship.
YOU and your kids are a family package - he only really wants you. He wants you to focus on him, not your kids. And trust ME your kids knows he doesn't like them and I can't imagine how THAT feels for them.
Yes, your financial problems might be a factor in why things are hard in the relationship, but YOU as a single mom HAS to prioritize taking care of having a roof over the heads of yourself and your kids rather than put all your effort into a man who seems to not understand that WHEN he is living with you, he is part of the family.
It seems to me (and I might be wrong) that HE benefits more from this arrangement than YOU and your kids do.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 February 2017):
 I'm sorry but this man calls your CHILDREN psychopaths and you still allow him to stay in your house. You are their MOTHER for crying out loud. Your priority should be to protect them. How do you think they feel that you allow this man to say these things about them? They are CHILDREN and no match for this nasty piece of work.
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