A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is my boyfriend not the one for me? Or do I just not see it because I have no previous relationship experience and therefore no one to compare him to?I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we live together. Ever since we moved in I’ve been getting this feeling that he’s not the one. When we met I wasn’t head over heels for him, he pursued me and I grew to love him over time. He’s a great guy, he respects me and he would do anything for me. I’ve never met a man like him in the way he behaves and treats me. Many girls out there would be lucky to have someone like him.And yet, here I am questioning if he’s the one. When I see friends getting engaged and married and seeing how happy they look, I don’t get excited at the prospect of marrying my boyfriend. I get terrified. I’m 29 and he’s my first serious boyfriend. Although I’ve dated a few guys before him, I never experienced proper relationships to be able to compare him to other men. He’s also the first and only guy I have slept with. These thoughts and feelings are constantly in my head and I’m so confused. To add to all this, I also feel a bit disappointed in myself for being with a man who has no college education. I’m university educated and earn more than half of what he earns. Maybe this is very shallow but I get jealous of friends who’ve ended up marrying well educated guys.I can’t say that I don’t love my boyfriend…I do. It’s just that something feels off and I don’t know what to do about it. A few weeks ago we had a big talk about all this and he got very upset. I don’t like hurting him but I just feel wrong about all this. I told him that I felt trapped and confused. He told me that I’d regret leaving him but that in the end I have to make a choice.He’s a wonderful person but for some reason he’s so different to the guy I pictured myself with. I still feel like there’s someone else out there. I don’t know if this is irrational on my part. I’m scared to leave but I’m also scared to stay and continue building a life with him which I might not want. I’m scared that I might ruin a good thing.So confused...
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male
reader, young-man  +, writes (12 June 2012):
I am in a similar situation although I've dragged on for longer than you. I'm interested to know whether you have resolved this situation or if you are still confused?
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (24 April 2012):
 I didn't have experience before my current boyfriend, but I knew and he knew. It wasn't even a question even though we're both new to relationships. I think if you don't feel he's the one now, it might be time to take a break and keep trying. It's always hard to leave the comfort of a stable relationship for the single life, but if something about this one isn't right, you shouldn't be wasting any more of either of your time. If you stay together that feeling of discontent will most likely grow, not fade. Stability is nice, but the fireworks have to be there too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012): Hello
you are still young and as you said, you don't have a lot of experience.... If you are not sure, if you have these feelings...then maybe you should consider some time off, or breaking up...he is not your only chance of happiness in the world...he may be a great guy, but think if you can live with this feeling of frustration for the rest of your life...Isn't it too early to settle for "less than what you;d like?"
I married the nice guy at age 29 too, and he turned into a wonderful (supportive, caring, faithful) husband and father. I am 38, been married for almost 10 years and I am on my second affair. I married him at the time because I did think he was my "last chance"...I am not advising you to leave him, but to think carefully and to allow yourself to at least TRY to reach your full potential as a woman/lover/human being. Not sure I helped much, but good luck! (Annie)
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