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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 40 well nearly 41 is it right to date a man of 56 (old enough to be my father) he is in a loveless marriage and loves me no worships me, we meet when we can in secret of course, we make wonderful love, we have so much ic common. We live in different villages but I spend a lot of time in his, how can I handle being seen in public no one knows how his home life is. I am drawn to him he treats me how I would like to be treated, your advice please Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): Most advice givers in such situations apparently assume that the marriage is not without love. While they may be right in most cases, it is undeniable that there are no lack of marriages in which love does not exist. A cold or lukewarm marriage that is argument-free but loveless is worse than a marriage in which the couple have true feelings of love for each other even though they may have arguments from time to time. The latter could be a tempestuous life, but the former is not even life.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 October 2006):
 Wow! You don't have problem with the fact that he's married but rather that he looks really old to your wonderful youthful appearance! You truly are a piece of work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your help. The real problem I think is not the fact he is married but if we did get together would a 15/16 age gap matter. I look so young for my age (40) and he looks a lot older than 56.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): Get out of this situation IMMEDIATELY. I have been with a married man for 22 years and yes he thinks the world of me or should I say "worships" me we have a 13 year old daughter together and go on holdiays but no way will he ever leave her. I am now 42 and don't know where all those years have gone. Find someone who can be there at all the important times and not just fit you in as and when. You will always feel second best what ever he tells you. GET OUT NOW!!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): i once was the other woman not a pleasant sight. he made me believe about everything i wanted to hear and believe. it went on for years. then finally his wife found out and he went crawling back to his wife begging her to take him back. and he blamed for everything. both of them blamed me. the wife calls me a slut and homewrecker. he can't afford to lose his house, business and name. he will lose everything if he ended up with me. i was stupid to fall for him and now i realized how triple stupid i was to even say and think that i love him. so you have to decide for yourself if you want to be stupid or smart ...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): "Am I right to date him'? Well, now, what in the dickens do YOU think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): yeah... age is not a factor in this, it's more personal issues. Don't even think of him as a number.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): Well hun, you state no one knows what his home life is like. I will bet my bottom dollar that unless you are a 'fly on his wall' in his house, you have no idea yourself, what his home life is like, either. Dear, he's only telling you what you want to hear. (sigh) and it's likely a bunch of bullcrap. I think you have to really use your head and discriminate his character or in this case, his lack of character and your poor judgement skills.
Like Shania said, put him to the test. You tell him, he leaves his wife and home for you or you leave his life. I'm very curious as to what he'll say. You may get 'weak' excuses and lies but who knows...he may leave his wife for you. But what will you have, if he does this? A man with no integrity and one who thinks nothing of stepping out on his beloved, when a relationship gets challenging or boredom sets in. Do you really, really want that type of person to share your life with?
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female
reader, MissMo +, writes (16 October 2006):
BAD IDEA! You know it's a bad idea, that's why you're asking if you're doing the right thing. You're in for a lot of hurt if you let yourself be his secret lover. It may be exciting right now, but soon enough it'll start to hurt. Be honest with yourself and figure out what you want from him. Let him know what you want, give him a little time and space to figure it out, and then act accordingly. You need to respect yourself. You're getting involved with a man who is unavailable... Why..?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 October 2006):
I double dog dare you to do what shania said!
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (16 October 2006):
 Well if that was the case and he thinks the world of you,then why hasn't he left his loveless marriage? If being with his wife has become so intolerable then why on earth should he suffer anymore? Married men will use every trick in the book to keep their mistresses by their side,but once he has had his sex with you he will then run back home to his wife,which will keep their marriage smelling sweet while you are there to provide the excitement that he doesn't get so much from his wife.I am sure that he probably does treat you like your the most important person in his life but action speaks louder then words...so ask him this,he either leaves his boring wife and stays with you or you walk away,i wonder what he will do?..Do you dare?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): Since when is he old enough to be your father? That would mean he'd have to have been about 15 when you were born. How many 15 year olds have kids?
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