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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 15 and I'm seeing a 25 year that lives an hour an a half away. Everyone thinks that our relationship is wrong and that he is using me for sex but he hasn't even asked once, but no-one will believe me. I love him very much and he loves me also. What shall I do? Please help; I'm really stuck. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2006): im in the same situation im 16 and hes 25 our relationship is purely based on love.we have been dating for a year and he has never tried anything with me. i even ran away and lived with him for 9 months and the only thing he wanted from me was my love. and thats all i asked from him in return.i wish i can tell people were together but my parents would have him put in jail if they ever found out.its so hard becuase im 16 and i have found the man that i want to spend the rest of my life with but i cant tell a soul.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuess what i was too afraid to tell my family about my relationship only close friends knew well i finally plucked up the courage to tell my gran and i wish i had told her earlier because it would have stopped 6 months of worry. she loves him and i found out that when she was my age she had a large age diff relationship in fact it was 11 yrs diff compared to my 10 she spoke to him on the phone and they got on like a house on fire he is now part of the family ande is invited to my grandparents wedding later this year i dont know when hee will stay up my house to meet the rest of my family as he lives an hr away from me and its not always possible to get away from work so i cant wait for the rest of the family to meet him. ill keep u posted on any developments in our relationshipthanks for all the adviceXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni totally agree that you should listen to urself not others coz iv been with him now for 6 months and we totally adore each other iv just cum back off holidays that i went on with my friend and my bf wrks der it was great spending a week together and although he did ask me 2 have sex with him i refused and he was great about it we just spent the nite cuddld up on the sofa watching a slushy movie every1 still thinks its wtrong even tho hes a really nice guy n is soooooo sweet but i doont care i love him and he loves me thats all i can say
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): Im in the same position as u i like this 25 year im 17 and everyone is like u guys are 8yrs apart and i cant help it. he is so nice to me and we get along so much. so dont listen to them. listen to urself. my friend told me that and he was a guy so he supports me and no one else and this guy still likes me eventho i wont have sex with him. u learn from ur mistakes
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): well i know how you feel because i am in it.but im one year younger then you are and he is the same age 25. It isnt based on sex and all, but of course you love this person, he is like your world. Main thing is do as you please.
you dont need to listen to anyone because as long as you know what is going on in ur relationship then its good. People can believe what they want because half the time its false anyway.
Do as you desire, the Law and when we should have sex is stupid, we should do as we please.
plus why is it always the older male manipulating us, why isnt it the younger female manipulating him... they never thought of that??
Good Luck and Enjoy what you love doing!! =]
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male
reader, Calidus +, writes (6 November 2005):
First of all for all the agony aunts, IT IS NOT ILLIGAL TO DATE SOMEONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 WHEN THEY ARE OVER, ITS ONLY ILLIGAL TO HAVE SEX, and even with sex trhe consentual age is 16 in alot of states(provided your in america) furthermore in australia its preety much the same, although (even though i live here i cant remember if its 14 or 16 for females... i THINK its 14)
Anyway after ive said that, heres my advise, the age gap is preety bad, if you have strong feelings for him and he you, then 2-3 years to wait isnt that much, although you may find it difficult to keep a non sexual relationship with him happening, especially when your a teen and his well a guy.
It's your choice, you could date someone your own age (althought what is your own age really? thats what the people saying date someone your own age should ask themselves)
Ultimatly its your decision, and despite peoples critisisms of your relationship, its ultimatly your life, but i guess you have really one of three options.
1 - wait till your legal before hving sex, but continue dating.
2 - break it off and date people your own age
3 - or last break it off, and when your 18 hook back up with him, if you both still have the same feelings.
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (22 October 2005):
 You can't blame people for thinking this is they don't know him. But the age gap is large considering you're only 15 and I think you do need to get someone your own age. You need to get experience of guys of your age, he's a man and has probably had a lot more experience than you.
These people are only trying to look out for you so don't fight it. Take their advice. Good luck
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female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (21 October 2005):
You are 15 and he his 25! You are very young. You're still a kid and he is an adult, date someone your own age!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): your friends should make you have a big impact in your life. I think that your friends are right. it is illegal!!!
and wrong. i dont think that you should go out with this guy. you may not even know much about the guy, and may end up raping you. you never know. make the right decision for yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): My dear, you are in a very dangerous situation. I know because I have been there. When I was 14 I became involved with a 27-year-old man. He had lied to me and told me that he was 23. The attention he gave to me was everything I could have wanted (I came from a broken home and had low self-esteem: the perfect target!). I was convinced that he loved me. Over time, he manipulated me into giving my virginity to him. The relationship became highly sexually abusive. I also caught a disease from him (I didn't know that he was sleeping with women his own age too). I didn't care about all these horrible things because he told me he'd marry me when I was old enough, and I was so in love with him I could not see his true colors. In the end, my family found out and threw me out of their house. I was homeless by age 16 and the guy dropped me within a few weeks when he got tired of caring for me.No 25-year-old man dates 15-year-old girls for any other reason than their perverse sexual desires. Do you really think a 25-year-old man is interested in your mind? For God's sake, you aren't even out of high school yet! What do you REALLY think he sees in you? You need to realize that you are young and inexperienced with men, and that you are being manipulated. Men are great actors (aka. liars) when it comes to the pursuit of booty. In fact there’s a term in psychology for how older men sweet-talk teens into bed with them. It’s called “grooming”. He may say he loves you and he may sound sincere, but I’d bet money he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.Honey, I’ll tell you what you are to him: a piece of ass in the works. Heed advice from someone a little older and wiser. I learned the hard way. You don't have to. It’s going to hurt like hell, but you need to break it off pronto. Problem is, you’ve already heard all this advice from your friends and don’t want to listen because your emotions are blinding you. You are probably thinking that your situation is different, that he is different, that you are different from me, and that I don’t know what I’m talking about. My dear, hindsight is 20/20. Get out of this relationship! It is so unhealthy; I don't have words strong enough to describe it.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (20 October 2005):
 Many people on this site will say that the age difference is wrong simply because you are so young and below the age of consent but I'm not going to try and patronise you by saying that you don't know what love is or that you are simply too young to have a proper relationship. What you do need to understand is that people are concerned for your welfare and worry something may happen in terms of you getting hurt. Try to see it from their point of view; if when you are older you had a young daughter, would you not worry if she started to see a man 10 years her senior?
People worry about why it is that a man of 25 can't find a woman close to his own age and if perhaps he has some hidden traits that you aren't aware of yet.
Whe I was 15, I was also with a man who was 25 and I lived with him for 18 months. Unfortunately for me, he did have a few undesirable, hidden traits in that he was a bully and hit me. Consequently I left him. However, I do understand how you feel and perhaps the most important thing you need to do is make everyone aware of how mature you are and allow them an insight into your relationship.
You know that you aren't at the legal age for having a sexual relationship; make them aware that you know this and try to get them to see exactly what your relationship is based on.
If you are still unable to convince anyone, then let time pass and once they realise that you are both happy and committed to each other, they will see that perhaps they were wrong and misjudged your boyfriend.
Try to reassure them that you will turn to them if things do go wrong but that it is necessary for you to find out if you both can mke this relationship work.
Good luck.
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