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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 3 months. He loves me dearly but is very afraid of marriage and commitment. I believe we should think about moving in together within the next few months. Am I asking for too much? Shall I insist a little or just wait for him to be ready? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2005): Hey. My advice is definitely DO NOT push him into anything. My boyfriend and I moved in together as we lived miles apart and it was the only way we could really test our relationship. We moved in after about a year of being together. He had some reservations but I was quick to convince him otherwise. He had commitment fears but we brushed them aside in the excitement of moving in together. I know he genuinely loved me and wanted to give it a go - but I think if he had his choice, he may have left it about another year or so before we made the move. Anyway, a month ago he had an affair and now we are stuck in the same house coming to terms with what has happened. He was not ready to commit and this was the outcome. Don't rush. If it is meant to be, it will be. Enjoy your time on your own and with your friends and enjoy the relationship for what it is now. When the time is right you will have all the pleasures of sharing a home and your life together - but at the right time. All the best.
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reader, pops +, writes (20 October 2005):
Yes, you are asking too much. If he is not ready, he is not ready. What part of " NO" don't you understand? What is the rush? If this is really a serious relationship, why can't moving in with each other wait a few months or a year? Please don't be in a hurry to be tied down for the rest of your life. Its a long time, and a mistake now can be very costly. If he is scared about a serious commitment, he has his reasons. Talk to him about those, and explore them when discussing your relationship with him, He will never be " ready " until he has resolved his fears. So, start talking to him. Don't push it. When the time comes that he is sure that you are the right person for him, regardless of any problems of difficulties that may occur, moving in with you, and getting married will be the easiest thing he has done.
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