A
female
age
30-35,
*Sheen
writes:I'm a 22 year-old woman who had been harbouring initial feelings of fondness for a man who happens to be two years senior to me. We had been Facebook friends since a long time, but had conversations once in a blue moon.A fortnight back we started chatting regularly and ended up exchanging phone numbers. It was followed by a rigorous course of texting (almost 100 texts a day!) He too developed an intense liking for me (as evident from his texts) and we had our first date the last Sunday. It was a great experience, although some weird notes were present (like taking the wrong route to the pre-ordained place, some silly bawdy jokes, my slightly rude remark regarding his belly and calling my dad at the end of the date). He was sensible enough to drop me home. It was sweet of him to have texted me at night saying that I looked pretty and sensuous; and mirrored an entirely different personality which he assumed on the basis of the texts(he constructed a mental image of me: reserved and shy, that is actually true! But it is only him who made me swear to be interactive and comfortable with him!).Since Monday the frequency of his texts started reducing till it ceased completely (untimely replies soon paved the way for no replies! ). I don't want to appear as a desperado and hence stopped contacting him. It's been three days since I haven't heard from him properly. What disrespects as well as hurts is seeing him online and yet not even saying a casual "hi" to me. This incident has wounded my self-respect terribly. It has even mutilated my self-confidence as well. How should I deal with this "disappearing act"? If someday he makes a comeback (if at all he does, what do you think will he?), how to tackle it and is there any way to teach him a good lesson?Thank you so much for the patience to read this and advance thanks for offering a solution.
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female
reader, Sheen +, writes (3 May 2013):
Sheen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your time and opinion. :) it was helpful.
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (3 May 2013):
 Dear OP,
Things seem to be going very somooth for you until this man decided to take a 360 turn..!
May be two things OP,
First) he doesn't want to go too fast,may be he wants to take it slow and decide for himself if he wants this friendship to culminate into something or not
Second)he was never interested in dating and was just looking for a friend..
As far as his 'disappearing act' is concerned I think he's in the wrong to just abondon you when things were going smooth..
I think OP you don't want to be the person running after the man while he entertains other people,I think its better to pull the brakes now..ignore him,don't text him..if he cares enough he would want to know why he hasn't herd from you in so long,if he doesn't then you know what to do!'DON'T GIVE A SHIT'..if he does text you,u could tell him you were surprised by his 'disappearing act' and dint want to come in the way or whatever it is that he was doing and gave him the space..
Don't ever lose your self esteem over something so trivial..:)
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (3 May 2013):
I also cannot understand what happened but it could be that he is just not interested anymore. It is sort of disrespectful but this is how it goes, and it could have been much worse. Well on the flip side you met someone new and it just didn't work out. Oh well. Just move on and continue to live your life. If he comes back just be straight forward and honest with him, tell him that you were hurt about his disappearing act and you are unable to trust him further.
I wish you luck you seem like a nice person to give an online a chance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): Here's some advice that I hope it will benefit you and others in the same predicament.
We are in an age when the smartphone becomes a major tool in our daily lives. It allows us convenience and access to nearly everything we need. It has now become a dating tool as well. Men and women have different ways of expressing their emotions. Women need frequent assurance that the man in their lives is interested. He affirms his interest by the frequency of his contact. Now people use text messaging to convey their feelings and as a means of maintaining a daily connection to those we hold closest to us.
Cell phones are addictive. We use them so much that we actually suffer separation anxiety when we misplace or lose them. With that being said, here is something that too many people do not seem to realize.
Our phones are a convenient tool when it comes to access. We can perform transactions, shop, use GPS, and text a friend, even work. This keeps our phones with us 24/7. Rarely do we separate. When it is used as a dating tool, we have access to our object of a affection, 24 hours around the clock. For the needy, it's used as a tracking device.
You two were messaging 100 texts a day. That is an excessive amount of texting; and you are neglecting other important things in your lives in the process. You're feeding that part of your brain related to addiction.
When you successfully make contact with this guy, endorphins are released. Giving you a feeling of happiness and euphoria. You think you're in love. You are just experiencing a high from pleasure hormones. The same endorphins when you eat chocolate, hug mom, get a great present, or find a pocket full of money you forgot.
He tells you sweet and funny things that give you a high that carries you for hours. You have immediate access and can summon his attention like a genie with the stroke of a key. You can reach him any hour of the day, any day of the week. You hit him up all day... over and over and over.
You are literally high on endorphins all day long. Well, some people have things to do. They get tired of your company and your intrusion on their time.
He has a life to live. He can't devote all of his spare time to you. Constant contact with you can be an infringement on his daily routines. He has other friends, family, and a life away from his phone and you. He deserves time to do other things, and so should you. You spend too much time focusing on this guy, and you have built a constant link to demand his attention throughout the day.
You have centered your world and your every waking moment on this man. You are being clingy, and overwhelming him.
You don't know when enough is enough. You start having withdrawal symptoms, and go into a fit of anxiety when you don't hear from him. Sorry to say, but he is tired of the frequent and constant conversations with you. All day long.
Constantly nurturing your need for his attention.
You need to find ways to fill in your time. You need something constructive to do, and other ways to entertain yourself. You are being selfish and too needy. You go crazy if he isn't constantly feeding you sweet words and stroking your ego to make you feel attractive and wanted. You're all upset because he is the one who decided first, to shift his attention to something else for a while. It's not all about you. It not all about him, either.
He does not owe you every hour of his day. You have no right to be so greedy of someones time. How much is enough? Your reaction is very unhealthy. You need a hobby, or should join a gym. Do you have a job? Are you focusing on him, when you should be focusing on school studies or your job? The quality of your work suffers when you aren't focusing on what you're doing. Pining away for a text message from a guy who technically isn't even your boyfriend
yet.
You can overwhelm a person so much, that they can totally lose interest in you. They get so full with hearing from you, that they might just break it off altogether. If you don't want that, you need to fall back and give things a rest. Give each other some room to breath. You shouldn't smother a guy, if you really like him.
You need to also consider that he may not want to move things so quickly to the next level. That is always a possibility. Leaving you alone gives him time to think and plan. He is checking his own emotions to be sure he isn't pushing things too fast or giving you the wrong signals.
People need time away from each other. He has devoted a huge amount of his time to you. So be patient and keep contact under control. Keep your feelings under control and don't lose it if he takes a day away from contacting you.
He is a single guy. He likes you; but he has other interests and has the right to spend time with other people. That would include other girls. Like it or not.
If you had a healthier attitude about dating, and knew how to pace yourself; you wouldn't have needed to write your post.
Now you know a few things, and you'll be alright.
Go work off some of your frustrations and keep your mind and body active.
Go put your phone under your pillow and take a walk. Go jog, stoll in the park. Go rearrange your closets and organize your desk or cabinets. Do something away from your phone. You need to lessen your dependence on phone contact and detach from feeding on this man's attention.
Go out to lunch or a movie with your friends. Go make new friends. Interact socially with people. Enjoy the company of your family. Sit down and chat with your parents. Fill your day with joy and fun. You'll soon think of him less and less. Then when you do make contact, you'll be happy to hear from each other, but you'll be the one with so many things to do; you'll ask for him to visit and share more time away from the phone.
DETACH FROM YOUR MOBIL DEVICE AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. You get only nine years to live in your twenties. They will fly by so fast, you'll be looking at your face in the mirror at 30 and screaming at yourself. Where the hell did all that time go, and what the hell did I do with it?
He isn't giving you a disappearing act. He is enjoying being young and he isn't letting you impose and intrude on every moment of his free time. You, young lady, should be doing exactly the same thing. Your smartphone romance needs a break, and so do the both of you.
Go have some fun!
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