A
female
age
30-35,
*iss_hyper_jodie
writes:hi ive ot a problem because i'm young(14) and my boyfriend is older(21).please don't tell me how wrong our relationship is n illegal i've heard it so many times. my mom isn't worried shes meet the guy and she lets him stay round every night which i think is great because he is so kind and loving he helps me when i need him and relives my stress.But i've been think about going traveling or in one of the forces when i leave school but he said he would miss me to much and doesn't want me to get hurt but also said he wont wait for me to come out. also he wants to start a family before he turns 25. which would totally mess up my life plans. we do have a sex life and he seems to "forget to use protection" a lot even though i try to stop and get a condom. i had to stop taking the pill because the side effects were keeping me off school being ill. i just don't know what to do. i love him so much and cant sleep unless hes cuddling me.please help????
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condom, sex life, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): well sweety you are too young to be in a serious relationship that is already talking about settling down. please for your sake get out now while you still can. Also i know from experiance that teenage pregnancy is scary so if you choose to stay with this guy you should have a sit down talk with him and tell him that unless he starts using condoms you're not goign to have sex anymore. just be careful and take care of yourself
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (9 October 2007):
 the moment anyone tries to manipulate you with a suicide threat i suggest you tell them to go ahead. its not your problem. Sounds like an arsehole. I'd say he likes them young as lack of experience is necessary for people to ignore behaviours that to someone older are more obvious for what they are-selfish and manipulative.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): You are making a classic mistake, you are allowing life to "happen" to you instead of taking the leading role in your own life....you lack guidance, your mom must want to be your friend instead of a parent, she is making a stupid stupid mistake allowing this man to spend the night with her daughter who is still a child and only on the brink of womanhood!
Your boyfriend is woefully immature and manipulative. If he really cared, if he really loved you, he would not "forget" to use a condom....You need to go back to your doctor and give him/her your complaints about the side effects of your pill. This is a ridiculous excuse not to continue your birth control regimine, there are many many options for birth control that you could use, and many different pills that you can try, not all pills are the same, and you may have to try a couple different ones until you get the one that is right for you,....so go back to the doctor before you become a child having a child.
You are right to be concerned about this boy ruining your life plans. You are too young to be responsible for his happiness or anyone else's happiness but your own, you are a kid, and you are not mature enough to be having sex, you can't support yourself nor provide for a child, and if you have an unwanted pregnancy, your mom is the likely new parent of your child.... Dump this guy...he isn't healthy. If he is threatening suicide if you leave him he is very sick, and he is emotionally blackmailing you which is a form of control and abuse....this stuff never gets better on it's own, it gets worse.
Get out of this bad situation before you can't....you get pregnant, you don't get to the forces or what ever life choice you want to make because of him. You may not have the best home life, or the best start in life, but you don't need to allow life to just happen to you.....USE YOUR BRAIN and take control and make a choice to have a better life.....without this guy who should not be attracted to a baby like you.....he is obviously incapable of having a relationship with an equal---he is a manchild and his drama is getting on you and making your life less positive....run, don't walk.
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A
female
reader, the_perfect_therapist  +, writes (7 October 2007):
omg girl looks like your between a rock and a hard place but plz take my advice im good w/these sorts of things if he actually wants to ruin a 14 yr olds life then hes seriously f***** up in the head.like u said plz dont talk about how illegal it is.and i want bcuz 2 me age aint nothin but a number.im young to and my this is my first love who is older than me.but if it was me which it isnt i would leave him bcuz yall will have a family in 4 years and you can go in a force for that long.but if yall have a family when hes 25 then yall have a divorce.who do u think the kids are gonna want to go with.u.trust me my mom had the same problem when she was 16 she got pregnant w/me.and my dad was 13 years older than my mama.now shes having so many problems w/us.so many bills.and its so many emotional stages to go through if yall get a divorce.and if he want wait for you to get out then maybe its not true,honest,love.plz just dont ruin your future my auntie is in the navy and was married at 18.her husband had a baby wile she was in the navy w/another women they had been a couple since they were 12 so see all the example.this all could happen to u.and im gessin ur a really strong female emotionaly but i dont think anyone can handle all of thatand still deal with the stresses of the navy.and the sex thing girl if u get pregnant i dont no.u betta make him use a condom or jes dont have any plans for ur life at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): Oh, it all sounds too familiar...
Listen sweet heart, this advice comes from someone who has been through one too many hurtful realtionships, sacrificing too much, and all for the wrong reasons. Life can be tough-- yes. The trick is to learn how to rely on yourself, instead of some guy (who probably does not have your best interest at heart). It sounds to me like you are drawn to him because he is someone you can depend upon, who offers you security, and affection. Is this enough? There are other guys out there who can offer you this and more... so musch more, and you deserve it. Perhaps the best thing to do right now is to take some time to figure out what it is you want... without considering anyonw else. I am refraining from making mention of your age-- because you probably do not want to hear it, but i will say that maybe now is not the time to be worrying about your possible future with someone... and certainly not to be depriving yourself of those other things that matter (school, friends, hobbies, etc.) because of a relationship. Instead of investing energy in trying to make this work, invest it in getting to know yourself-- do the things that matter to you-- define your own limits and needs... that is what these years you are comeing into are for. Find yourself a trustworthy and mature friend or counselor to confide in. And hang on to what you feel is right-- even at the cost of this relationship. If it does break apart, know that there are endless other experiences out there, just waiting for you to embark upon. Some will be awesome, others less so, but the one commonlaity between them all is YOU. Allow yourself to make the best choice. And keep in mind, you will change and evolve and grow with time, as will your preferences, your needs, and your desires. Do what it takes to get to know yourself, and to feel comfortable in that person, and the rest will tend to fall into place. Best of luck in all of your endeavours.
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A
female
reader, Agony-Hannah +, writes (6 October 2007):
Hunny, Get Out Of The Relationship. And Get out NOW.
He's Baaad News.
And Yes- He May Make You Feeel AMAZING. But You Wouldn't Be Asking This Question If You Didn't Havve A GUT Feeling Or Doubt In Your Mind.
Does Your Mother Know About This ?
Him Threatenin To Commit Suicide- Wants To Get You Pregnant- And Leave YOUR Education?
If You Do Fall Pregnant, What Type Of Life Would The Baby Have? Do Yourself A Favour Babe.
You Don't Need This.
Good Luck & Best Wishes x
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A
female
reader, Agony-Hannah +, writes (6 October 2007):
FANTASTIC QUESTION BABE xWell...To me it sounds like it's YOU who's doing all the changing. He's told you he WANTS a family by the age of 25 and that he isn;t going to wait for you.That's not very fair now is it ?It sounds like he's got you wrapped round his little finger. You may hate me for saying that, but it's true.Hunny, if I were you - I would leave him. You can't risk your life for a guy who ain't gunna sacrifice anything for you.Think it through- it's your life.Thanks - Hope it helps. x
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A
female
reader, vixen72 +, writes (6 October 2007):
 i know your feelings for this man is very real but if i were you i would insist on him using a condom or dont sleep with him you would be very lucky if you only end being pregnant if he loved you as much as he says he dose then he wouldnt stand in the way of your life plans but help you to do it all there is much more to love than sex it sounds like he's trying to control you as you are young which makes him sound insecure i think you know what you need to do or you wouldnt ask the question but in the end only you can decide what to do (i my opinion if he cant support you leave him ) good luck in your decision
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (6 October 2007):
 Alright the situation was bad enough, but after hearing that he has threatened to kill himself if you break up with him you REALLY need to break up with him as soon as possible. That kind of declaration is straight up manipulation on his part, and is intended to prevent you from making an honest decision about your relationship.
Think about the following.
1. Mentioning Suicide = manipulation
2. Getting You Pregnant = serving his desire not yours & trapping you in the relationship
3. Not respecting your wishes about protection = not respecting you.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (6 October 2007):
 Honey, he's not YOUR responsiblity. He's emotionally blackmailing you. If you dump him then you have no responsibilty for what he does. You carry no blame if he does anything to himself.
He's a fully grown man! Hun, get rid! He sounds like he's using you and that he can't stand on his own two feet!
He's acting like a child - " if I don't get my own way I'll do something stupid"
Go fulfil your dreams. I cannot believe that he doesn't use protection and that he's already made plans with you to start a family. He's demanding everything from you in a subtle way! You are still young - I don't want to sound patronising but you have a life too! Don't let him take your youth away from you by turning you into something that you will regret later on. Don't let him steal your life away so that he has it his own way.
Take care xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): "I'll kill myself" is an old one, hon. It is another form of manipulation. Don't buy it. He is full of it. You are more mature than he is in many ways. Tell him to grow up and get a life of his own. And continue on with yours.
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A
female
reader, miss_hyper_jodie +, writes (6 October 2007):
miss_hyper_jodie is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks but if i break up with him he said hed kill him self i just dnt want him to do that cause id feel really guilty to all his family n friends ill have anuva think but thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): I think he is taking advantage of you. A guy his age with anything going for him would be seeing women his own age. He has no right to tell you what to do with your life. At least you are staying in school and have some plans of your own. Stay with that, hon! I think you should end this "relationship".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): Yeah your right im not going to give you loads of stick hes far too old because that choice is up to you, and im not oging to tell you your far too young to be having sex because you already know, im exactly the same n im only 15 but my suggestion is "Dump Im" hes not good enough for you hes using you to get what he wants. have a good life your only 14 after all theres plenty of time for love, relationships and children when you get bak from where you want to go. if he wont wait for you then he obviously isnt who you think he is cos im damm sure if my boyfriend went away id wait forever for him! do whats right huni dump him n enjoy life while your young, its too short so live large!!! go traveling and enjoy time with friends x good luck chick x
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (6 October 2007):
 End it. He's no good for you.
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A
female
reader, drastic knowledge +, writes (6 October 2007):
 okay i cant help but say how stupid can you be
maybe your just that inmature
why would you be having a relationship with a guy that wants and takes and takes from you doesnt care what would make you happy or anything ?
that is so stupid iam sorry but your mom needs to stop being your friend and actually be your mother let a man hes age live pretty much in her house with her 14 year old daughter
then you let him cun inside you as he wants a family doesnt care for your dreams
find a differnt birth controll f you dont want a baby you are gonna get pregnant going on like this
he might be telling you he wants to stay with you make you happy
but he wont wait for you if you want to better your life what a jerk and a loser
drop him you dont need that and when you grow up you will see what a loser he is
im sorry this isnt what you wanna hear but this is my point a view
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (6 October 2007):
Make him use a condom or refuse sex. Maybe give him oral. Join the forces and tell him to wait if he wants too. Otherwise, you'll need to find a new guy when you return. That would not be all that bad.
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