A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for about 8 months, and it's become a bit serious in the past 2 or 3. We see each other every night and make love all the time. We have said "I love you" and he's even starting talking about me being "the one"- like the one he wants to marry etc.I have been in 4 other "serious" relationships, each lasting over a year, one of them lasted 3 years. Every relationship ended because the guy cheated on me. I mentioned this to my boyfriend the other night and he shrugged and said, "cheating is inevitable for guys, it's too hard to control those instincts, you know what I mean?" I don't really know what he means... is he saying that he's probably going to cheat on me eventually? I was pretty dumbstruck by his response, it made no sense to me. Do all guys cheat, then? I figured that they had cheated on me because we didn't have a strong connection, you know, we werent "meant to be"- but is it just something that all guys do? I've been puzzling over this for a few days and figured I'd hit up the internet for honest answers. Girls, have you been cheated on by all your boyfriends? Guys, have you cheated on all your girlfriends? Can you see yourself ever being faithful to one woman?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008):
I'm a male. 30 years old.
I'm decent looking and I've never had too much trouble getting female attention. Women have hit on me or just made the first move and started talking to me a lot of times.
I've probably had half a dozen serious relationships since I was 17. I've never cheated on anyone. I've been tempted and I've had easy chances a few times but I never did it.
I agree with the rest of the answers about your BF. He has already rationalized to himself that his cheating is "inevitable." That gets him off the hook in his own mind for doing it. If he hasn't cheated already, he probably will if the chance presents itself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): My opinion is that this guy is going to cheat on you at some point. His comment was just some lame, cop-out excuse to absolve himself of all responsibility when he cheats. I would get out of the relationship.
I do not believe all men have affairs. I trust my Dad implicitly and as far as I am aware, my Dad has never cheated on my Mum. My Mum is very clever and if there was any sign of that she would have thrown him out. They have had a rocky relationship but always remembered their marriage vows. As far as I know I have never been cheated on by boyfriends.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 Hi there,
First let me say I have never cheated on any girlfriend or my current partner. I think it is the ultimate betrayal.
Now for you, your boyfriends words are very telling. And what they tell me is that you pick a certain type of man. And unfortunately for you it is a man prone to cheating.
So lets be clear, if your boyfriend has not cheated on your yet he will . Noboby comes out with a statment like that unless they believe it.
You now have to decide whether you want to stay with someone who will cheat on your and if you have to courage to dump him then you need to find out what attracts you to this type of man. I say this because none of my friends are cheaters and I honestly believe the majority of people dont cheat, so why are you ending up with the cheaters? Ask yourself this and try and find some answers. Otherwise you will repeat the cycle.
Good luck. But dump your current beau, he is taking you for a ride.
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A
male
reader, Andy00  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 I'm sorry to say this, but the man is a fool. What he said, to you especially, was horrible. He's shown you signs that he believes that all men cheat, and that of course includes him. Whether those are his beliefs or not, it isn't true, but I think you have reasons to be concerned as it is him who has said it.
I know that must be upsetting for you. I hope that myself and the other uncles/aunts are proven wrong by this guy, but regardless of whether we are or not, what he said was very stupid, and he must learn to be more respectful to you and your relationship together.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 Well my nick explains it, who has the energy!
But no I never cheated, because I don't want to hurt or be hurt myself.
His line is complete and utter bullshit. Ask yourselve this, if he can't control his instincts, what happens if the girl says no? Does he rape her because he can't control himself?
But he has given you fair warning, he seems to think it all right to cheat because he is a man. The ball is in your court now.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 I make mine the words of the previous, anonymous poster. Your boyfriend has just given you the bad news that he is going to cheat, or, at least, that he wouldn't exactly restrain himself if he had a chance. And he is justyfing himself in advance. Of course cheating is a decision you make. And you can control whether you will do it or not. The question is whether you want to.
As to whether there are men who don't cheat, believe it or not, the answer is yes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): It's definitley possible not to cheat. I'm a guy who has never cheated on anyone. If you love and respect the person you won't cheat, if i find myself in a position where i'm into someone other than the girl i'm with i would end it with her rather than cheat. Your BF is telling you he will cheat sooner or later.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): Oh, and by the way - your boyfriend is just trying to justify his own cheating ways by saying that all men do it. When he says "it's too hard to control those instincts" he's absolving himself of any responsibility for his own actions. When he does cheat on you - and I'd bet my home on the fact that he will - he'll probably simply say something to you along the lines of "I told you I would cheat on you. I warned you. But you stayed with me anyway, which I assumed meant you were OK with me cheating on you."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): I believe there are men who don't cheat. But it sounds like your boyfriend isn't one of them. He told you that "cheating is inevitable for guys." I assume your boyfriend is a guy? Yes? Then he's just told you that HE IS GOING TO CHEAT - you should believe him.
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