A
male
age
41-50,
*arkKnight79
writes:I'm a 31 yo guy who is getting married to a beautiful 28 year old girl who i love very very much. However i have some issues, and i know they are my issues but i need to know how to get over them.Firstly, the small town where i grew up is the same town she grew up in, our Parents are friends and we have many common friends. The night we "met" i had a girlfriend of 4 years which was on the rocks, i ended up sleeping with my current fiancee, an hour or so after she had been in bed with my friend "fooling around". They didnt have sex, both have assured me (oh, he is my best man too).We didnt see each other for about 2 weeks after this incident although we spoke on the phone and texted a lot, and our feelings grew. About 3 weeks after that night i left my g/f and started dating her.We have talked about past, i have slept with over 50 people, many one night stands, including 3-somes and nights at orgies and swingers parties. She has slept with about 15-20 (i dont want to know the actual number) of which 4 or 5 were one night stands. She also cheated on a b/f of 5 years with his brother. With this boyfriend, she also got pregnant and had an abortion. About 6 of the guys she has dated or slept with are people from our town, and a couple are people within my circle of friends.Now, I asked her at the beginning of her relationship if she slept with anyone else after we met, in the few weeks before we started dating. She said no, as she felt strongly for me. She says she has never cheated on me, never wanted to marry anyone else and that she hates her past and would never do anything like this again. However just the other day 5 months before we are due to be married, she told me she slept with a guy she knew, after we slept together and in the 2/3 weeks before we started dating. I was gutted. I was mainly gutted because she lied to me at the beginning, but also becasuse it meant that when she told me her feelings for me were too strong to ever do that, these words have now become meaningless. I have lost trust in her, although i cannot blame her, as i was still with my ex at the time. However i told her the truth from day one, and she lied. She is also still mortified that she was with 2 guys in one night (when we first got together) and that he is to be our best man.I have tried to reassure her, that past is past, but i cant help it that now i found out she lied to me, i am resenting her more and more, not just for the lies, but for the slightly "sordid" past she has had.I am no angel, and have done far worse things, so i know i am a hypocrit, but it is eating away at me.Please help.
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abortion, cheated on me, fiance, her past, my ex, one night stand, swinging, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 I had this same type of thing, she didnt tell you at first because she thought you would think less of her, i promise you that's the reason, she didnt want to screw it up, she's telling you now, because she's being adult about it, be happy if she keeps volunteering this info, because it means she feels safe enought to tell you, and whatever you do, dont bash her for it, and certainly dont let it get to you, it's the past, she's marrying you. be thankful, she's trying to come clean before you guys are wed!
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Actually you both share the same wave length of emotion, but emotionally you both were confused. Your vision about sex is not healthy, but sick.
You should think in logical manner. You both love sex. So, you both have had partner for participation at certain time. But, You both felt something, we can at least call much liking, if not loving.
It is personality, you both see as matched in high degree. So, you arrive at conclusion: Marriage.
You can make good agreement. You can forgive each other for any mistaken decision. Anyway, it is problem you both can solve by honest communication. As, you both know each other, by giving honest information...which is not cheating.
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A
female
reader, smile :) +, writes (11 January 2010):
 First off, you love her, she loves you. Is this completely true? Well done you for being honest with her from the start. That is important. Perhaps the reason she lied to you about things were because she's ashamed of it. I don't judge, but if you look at her history of men, its not exactly stable is it? Maybe she's realised that she has found someone who she can trust and be with, but the fact that she's done so many 'bad' things is freaking her out, maybe she's afraid that her past with rule her future. Its not like she knew that she was going to meet someone like you and plan on marrying you. When it comes down to it, you either love her for who she is, or you don't. Many people have made sacrifices for people they love, and just learned to accept it. Maybe you could start a 'new life' when you're married? No lies, you know everything about each other and you just accept that thats the way it is. Its not like you cna change anything thats happened.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): Hi, It sounds to me like she has been upfront and honest about everything and has expressed feeling embarrassed about her past. Possibly she felt that admitting to sleeping with the best man as well and on the same night as you would have been too much and maybe thought this alone would put you off her.You have both laid bare what you have done in the past and it sounds like you both feel you have made a lot of mistakes. You cannot change her past and you already know she has one which she would like to put behind her. All i can say is if you want to move forward you need to accept that you were both that way and now you have chosen to have a future together. Try to focus on the here and now as you are clearly torturing yourself over what happened before you both committed yourself to each other.
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