A
male
age
41-50,
*antana
writes:Hello all,I've been dating a girl for about 18 months now and need some advice. She is a really amazing person and I love her very much but recently things with her have gone out of control.She is a very emotional person and is prone to frequent mood swings. Recently she has become exceedingly violent. She has been verbally abusive for the past 6-7 months. It's only been the last 2 months that things have become physical. Her aggression has escalated from hitting me on the arms to full on punches in the face. What scares me is every time we fight she takes her violence a little farther and it takes less and less to provoke her aggression. I find myself living in a constant state of fear. I'm afraid to drive with her because if she gets mad I'm trapped.. and only have one hand to defend myself. When she starts yelling I naturally take inventory of what around her she can throw or hit me with.I know often people say it takes 2 to argue but unfortunately with her, this is not the case. I've tried to leave the room and she follows me. I've locked myself in the bathroom and she smashed the window in the door.I feel like a wimp because here I am a bigger guy at 250 pounds and I'm afraid of a 5"1 girl. I just don't know what to do.. Besides being violent.. she cries often.. and is a seriously unhappy person. I find myself drained emotionally but at the same time trapped. I don't want to abandon her because I'm afraid of what might happen to her if I do. She never says sorry though like you would expect. She just tells me to take responsibility and not be a liar.
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liar, trapped, violent Reply to this Question
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male
reader, pridedignity  +, writes (29 July 2009):
i am in the same position as you buddy, one of the replies to ur question looks like she has been going through ur pc, and trying to controll everyone elses thoughts on you both. the only difference between me and u is that ive been here for 6 yrs now and let me tell you it gets worse, i married mine and had 2 kids to try and make her happy r you married? got kids? if not, straighten ur back, hold ur head up and walk away,
good luck buddy
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): Well, apart from the violence, lies and bad language, your relationship is just like most marriages!
It's always nice to hear both sides of an argument, so thanks for the update. Just bear in mind that violence breeds even more violence and we don't want anyone to suffer any physical injuries do we?
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A
male
reader, Fantana +, writes (24 June 2009):
Fantana is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHis is he girlfriend...I know that I am not the easiest person to get along with, but he has not told the whole truth and let me clear it up.
He does not spend any time with me at all. It is like he is dating the computer or the tv. Even if I am naked he won't look up from the screen for a second.
There isno excuse for me to hit him, but unfortunatly you guys were misinformed he does hit me too! He fights back calls me a cunt and other horrible names.
He tells his friends everything that I do and how horrible of a person I am, but exagereates and makes himself look like he is a God and does nothing wrong and just takes the shit.
And he failed to mention that I cook,clean, do his laundry and puts it away. The only thing taht he has to do around here is take out the trash and the occasional dish.I pick up after him and he just plays the computer.
So I am sorry and have made some mistakes. He is a bad liar and if he told the whole story you would have a better idea of what is going on here.
He is such a mamas boy that he never can be manly.I have to be a woman and a man to pick up the slack.
I hate being lied to and I definatly hate being lied about.
He can't tell the whole story well another thing i have to pick up after hime still...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): It's a lose-lose situation bro. Get out fast. Some day you're going to have haul off and smack her to keep her off of you, and when that happens you're going to be the one going to jail and being tagged as an abuser. Whatever happens to her after you leave, she's made her own bed by being an abusive psycho hose beast. She's never going to get better until she suffers some consequences and decides that her life sucks enough for her to want to make a profound change. Run, don't walk the other way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Maybe she was abused before and she's trying to show you that she's stronger and you cant hurt her. She's taking her problems out on you...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Old Guy makes a very valid point, you will eventually have to restrain her, not only to protect yourself but perhaps even to protect her from herself. The cops get called and you go to jail. You need to document and get the hell out because this isn't going to get any better only far worse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): For your own protection you have to file a police report. If she ever does completely lose it and come at you with a knife, you will defend yourself. If the police already have a record of complaints of domestic abuse, a claim of self-defense will stand up far better in court. I know this isn't what you were asking about in the first place, but it seems clear that the longer you stay in this relationship, the greater the chance you'll eventually inflict at least a bruise on her simply defending yourself. If she then turns around and claims abuse, and there's nothing about what you've experienced on record, you're screwed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): She's obviously got anger management issues and if she never says sorry she's probably unaware that she's got a problem.
You say you don't want to abandon her because you're afraid of what might happen to her, but I think if I were in your position I'd be more concerned for my own safety than hers. She's unlikely to take a carving knife to herself but what if she suddenly blew up with one in her hand whilst your back was turned?
It's no life if you have to be treading on eggshells all the time and I think it's about time she had a reality check. I'd definitely advise you to leave her if this situation doesn't improve, but she needs to know the consequences of her actions in advance. Tell her you're not willing to tolerate her behaviour any more and if she doesn't control her anger you'll be out the door. Don't make empty threats. Mean what you say, no second chances, but I'd suggest you make your exit while she's not around just in case she takes her violence too far.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (22 June 2009):
 well she clearly has issues of something going on!
i mean she's accusing you of lying something there triggers her violence clearly!
perhaps going to couples counselling will help her figure out what is actually making her violent time bomb explode and let you take the hit.
i mean you've said it's recently have you any idea if you've lied to her about something? perhaps a friend has told her something about you but she's waiting to hear it from you but because either A.you've not done anything and the friend is lying or B. you're not admitting to something that you think isn't important but is to her if that makes sense.
she's got an issue with you and until you sort that out she won't stop beating you. you shouldn't feel like a wimp at all i mean you should feel loved and safe in your relationships. not terrifyed of the one you're meant to love and whose meant to love you back. Try going to a counsellor together and resolve the issue before it gets way out of hand! there is only so much pressure a guy can take from this kind of behavior.
hope this helps hun. good luck! message me you need anything else!
x x x x x x
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Go to therapy with her. If she refuses to go to therapy, dump her. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, love-struckxo  +, writes (22 June 2009):
 I would suggest her going to therapy.. she might have bi-polar or another disorder by the sounds of it.I know you are in a tough postion right now, but if you feel the need to leave, then you must. This relationship has gotten out of control, and the two of you have let it get this far.I certainly hope a woman wouldn't take this from a man, so why should a man take it from a woman?If you don't get out of this relationship, it will escalade into something even bigger. Will a knife be next to her next time you argue? You never know..You deserve to be in a non violent relationship. Call the police and report this, and get her some therapy.Take this experience has a lesson learned."If your hearts filled with faith then you can't fear"~CS
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Oh man. Would it offend her too much if you suggested she get counseling of some sort? How close are you with her family? Maybe you can talk with them, I'm sure they know how she can be. A lot of times people like that have deep-seeded anger and pain and are just afraid all the time. I really don't know what to say in this case but I do commend you for not fighting back physically since you would hurt her more than she can hurt you. If you try to sit down and talk to her about it, like a heart to heart, would that set her off too? I'm really clueless on this one, but if you feel like you are really in danger then leave, and if you feel she will hurt herself or someone else call the police or the hospital.
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