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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Why is porn such a big deal to us women? It's a big deal for me, but I don't even get why! I know I don't like my partner watching it, but I mean, it's just pictures and videos, so why can't I get past it? Why is it so upsetting? I know some women don't care, but a lot do and I don't know why. I don't have moral issues with it, so, what's my problem, why does it bother me? Help me understand.
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female
reader, Candycane1234  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 It's because some women like feeling sexually special. It devastates me knowing my boyfriend looked and i definately know he finds them more attractive, he's very visual. In the fantasy world I'm unattractive.
A
female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (2 July 2009):
I think a more accurate statement is "why is porn such a big deal to some people". There are some Men who don't like their GF watching porn. I think men tend to watch it more because they have been moulded this way from society. It has been accepted by both Men and Women for men to watch porn and as far as I'm concerned not challenged enough.If it's a big deal to you then that's how it is. I think by you writing on here indicates that you need reassurance to feel this way. You don't need reassurance, because that is how you feel. Feelings aren't wrong or right, they just are. There should be no judgement on you by anyone about your feelings on the topic.I would at a guess think that the reason it bothers you is because it is a form of betrayal. I believe that most Men and Women want to feel that they are the only one in the eyes of their partner and that they are the most sexy person in the world to them. This exclusivity is what builds trust and makes one feel special.Your partner watching porn may make you feel disrespected, second best, that he may potentially stray. I think lots of times certain behaviours give people certain messages and it is important that your partner knows the messages you are receiving from this. I think there are a lot of Women who don't like it yet are too afraid to let their true feelings be known.They are not just pictures and videos, they are pictures and videos of naked Women having sex. This form of intimacy is suppose to be reserved for your partner. I think that the Men that are ignorant and don't know how disrespectful this is will not hide it, yet the Man that hides it is the one that knows it is disrespectful, doesn't care and is being deceitful. I wonder if it is discussed on the first date, I wank over porn regularly - of course not because they know it is wrong and I believe they have shame over it because of how pathetic and desperate they feel wanking over a box. You can't get passed it because it is against your values. It doesn't fit with your idea of a loving respectful relationship. Why would it as it is a form of sexual betrayal. I think that there are more Women out there that feel the same way than they like to admit and they fear conflict and are accustomed to putting their own needs last and their partners first. So many Women don't value themselves and tolerste this. The same as the Women who do it for a job. Lot's of people don't like to admit that they are jealous and I personally don't think there is anything wrong in being jealous as it is a normal human emotion. If I asked you the question you asked, your answer to me will tell you why it bothers you.I think it's an insult that Men do this and a shame they lack awareness of the destruction it creates. I hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): i love watching porn it is a huge turn on. and it isnt degrading to women i too believe that is a load of crap remember the women chose porn as a profession and have the choice as to what they do and make.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): You've stated "I'm so sexy, so why should he look at another women" - sorry, where did you get this from - certainly not my response. You've taken part of what I have said and turned it round completely - are you blinkered or do you have tunnel vision? You've missed the point entirely. People can only give reasons as to why they are unhappy with porn - you can then read these and come to your own conclusion. How can we even begin to tell you why you don't like it - that's for you to decide based on the opinions that people give. If you want a direct answer, then ask a direct question please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): There's nothing wrong with me, I just don't like it when it turns into personal debates like:
- I'm so sexy, so why should he look at other women?
- Men just like porn, no matter how sexy you are, I masturbate even if my wife/gf is a stunner. Deal with it.
Etc., because it doesn't answer the question, which was "Why does it upset some women?". Especially since, hey, I may not be sexy, my situation may not be the same as yours, just like my boyfriend's situation may not be the same as male anon's.
There's nothing wrong with me at all.
Sincerely,
- OP.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): Sorry OP, I don't understand your derision. You asked a question and questions get solved by debating - opening things up for a discussion. From the debate you might pick up on reasons as to why people get upset over porn, which was your original question. Equally, you asked why it upsets some people - well, it being degrading to women is one reason why I'm upset so there's your answer to your question (you included it in your response as though it wasn't a reason for me to be upset - well, it is). I really don't understand why some people on this site get so uppity if people have a debate over their question. Why are you telling me to grow up when I'm debating an issue??? What is wrong with you??
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): I believe that the more conservative reason for women not likeing it is this:
Sexual acts are those that should only be performed between two people who are in a relationship together. Any pictures, videos, visuals, etc. of certain baody parts that stimulate sexual bahaviour, should also be kept between those two people. Basically, if you're on the diet, why look at the menu? And since these are all things that should be kept between only those two people, looking at and watching other people having sex, nude, is not appropriate.
Another reason: Insecurity. The thought of their men looking at these women and getting turned on by watching them, makes them feel as if they are not enough. As if, shouldn't he just want ME? Aren't I plenty for him? Why doesn he also need to look at these women? It makes her feel unworthy.
Another reason: The thought of "those women are fake" just pisses some girls off. The idea of their man watching some "fake skank f*** around" is infuriating, because the woman herself is natural and taked pride in that.
And then of course, there's religon where things like porn are just wrong and sinful etc.
There's the feeling of replacement. Some men get carried away and almost addicted to porn so they end up watching it and masturbating, so much that they aren't sleeping with their partner as often.
Then there's perversion: Some women feel it is simply perverted to look upon other people having sex, and to fantasize and oggle these naked women. And they don't want to be with someone who is a pervert.
Everyone's mind works differently, but there are a few suggestions for you.
~SY.
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female
reader, downie  +, writes (23 June 2009):
I'm not sure why it upsets certain women. Everybody is different. It's like asking why men like porn. I think men like it for different reasons.
I haven't read yet what the other people are saying but your question could make other posters think you want their personal opinion and therefore making other posters want to discuss that opinion (if I'm making any sense at all here).
Anyway, why does porn upset you or other women so much? I have no idea. For a lack of better word, you could say that some women are more "accepting" of porn or just don't care as much. Meanwhile, there are some women that just don't like the idea of it for various reasons.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): I am the OP and I asked a question not for it to become a debate... for both people who're arguing YOU GROW UP, you're being unhelpful, can't you tell? I asked why it upsets some people, not if it's degrading or if you're sexy or if you're a man who can't only think about his partner, who wanks to porn, etc...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): To the male reader - this isn't an issue about fantasising over people - a man can do that without the need to view porn and so can women - and I am sure over the years that if a man has viewed porn, then he has created his own "porn library" in his head and has images firmly stuck in his mind - why not wank to these. Or equally, bash your meat thinking of the neighbour. People do NOT need porn to do this - this is an EXCUSE. If my bf wants to fantasise about the woman across the road, then he can use his imagination and not tell me about it. He can then IMAGINE what her fanny looks like. As in an old Keat's poem, the imagination far outweighs anything in real life, so why not use the IMAGINATION. I am getting sick and tired of men saying they need porn and it's all normal, blah, blah, fu**ing blah!!!! GROW UP!!!! I might imagine that my bf's best mate is giving me a good hard rogering (and yes I have although I don't fancy him in the slightest). I don't need porn to do this - your fantasy world and porn ARE NOT interlinked!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): I don't agree that you're supposed to only want the person you're in a relationship with.
Find me a happily married person on this earth who has never fantasized about someone other than their (current) spouse. Not bloody likely.
To fantasize about someone then you have to know enough about them to think about them and be attracted to them. Well, visually seeing them having sex or being sexy is just one form of learning about someone through your five senses.
I see little theoretical difference between a woman fantasizing about her high school BF and a man looking at a porno flick. Mental cheating is mental cheating.
We can argue about the objectification of women in porn but I don't think that is the same issue as a partner's jealousy over it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): how would he feel if you lusted after hot,buff dudes?when in a relationship,you're supposed,i repeat,SUPPOSED to only want the person you're with.when your man watches porn,in your mind a.it means he's not pleased with you sexually,that's why he watches that stuff and b.he's getting turned on by looking at other(usually DD)women.and that's not something any woman likes.it upsets me too.i think you should discuss it with him and ask him why he does it,then take it from there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Ummm, well, it is degrading to women - and that's from a woman. I am a sexy woman, with a great figure, but I also have a brain. I would rather earn my money from a profession that has integrity and that admires me for my brain and what I have to offer. So, the women get paid a lot of money - and how do you think they find it in the real world??? Can you imagine starting a conversation "so, what do you do for a living"?? I would defy anyone not to judge these women for what they do?? I know male friends who love porn, but categorically would not want a porn star for a girlfriend; "hi mum, look who I have brought home to meet you" - nah, didn't think so. They kind of look down on them for what they do. Equally, a woman is soooooo much more than her tits and fanny, but ever see men eye you up in a sexual way despite not knowing you??? Methinks that might have something to do with their porn viewing. I have an old neighbour who when he talks to you, just stares at your tits. I end up standing there with a paper or something in front of me so he can't have a look - I view him as a very sad, lonely old man nicknamed "TITS PERVERT". Equally, I looked up "reverse cowboy" the other day as my bf had been on about it and there was something on YouTube. It was some porn babe, with some old geezer and she was going to demonstrate on him. He was some wizened old man and the way he spoke to her was just disgusting, as she bounced around on him demonstrating. I sooooooooo get the feeling these people "lack" something in their lives. As a young, sexy woman, I would not bounce around on some wizened old man who spoke to me like the only thing i know was about sex - yuuuuccckkkkkkkkkk - get a life. Firstly, I am a woman. I have a brain. I am so much more than what's going on under my underwear. I am challenging and equally like a man who mentally challenges me. If his brains are in his pants, then I'll bet you two bob that you'll end up a sad lonely fu**er like my neighbour, who has lived on his own without a real woman, and he has to get himself off looking at young women's tits. Yuck, yuck, yuckity yuck!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Women don't like men ogling other women on the street either. Competition for our mate just isn't something we're geared to like very much.
Porn isn't real, I know. But it's real enough to excite him obviously. And the human brain was designed a few years before photography & video existed. The whole reason that photography & video work on us at all is because our intellectual brain knows it's fake but our emotional brain does not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): I think sometimes we can be hypocritical. I don't want my man lusting after a woman, but I've probably lusted a few times myself before.
I want my man to want only me, and not someone else. I guess sometimes we have high expectations that we can't even fulfill ourselves.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Its because you know he's looking at it and that its nude pictures of girls. It may make you feel like you the woman he's looking at looks better than you do. Hopes This Helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Only you can understand you. Some people say it's "degrading to women" but thats a bunch of crap if you ask me. Those women get paid a lot of money and most of them really enjoy their profession, thats hardly degrading. Maybe you just don't like the thought of your man watching other women? Possibly you think he's comparing you to them? Like I said, only you can understand you.
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