A
male
age
51-59,
*illiam101067
writes:I need some helpful input. a little input, a few months back, my fiance and I explained to her two boys one is 15 the other will be 14 that if our bedroom door is shut, unless there is something major happening, this means not to bother us, mostly at night past 10 oclock. Last night her and I were making love and her son knocks on the door. Of course, in the heat of the moment, this knocking killed the passion. She got up and left the room to see what he wanted. He wanted her to go out in the garage to get him a bottle of water. 10 more footsteps from his own bedroom he could have gotten this himself!!!! And she went and got it for him. I asked her what he wanted and she told me. I told her that I can't believe it!!!! and that he could have gotten this himself, and that was pure lazyness and that she allows him to take advantage of her. Low and behold, she is now upset with me? He has done this on several occassions and there is no consequence for any of his actions like this. She continues to allow it. What can I do? We are getting ready to move into her old house and I have learned he won't sleep in his own room in this house? Should I ask her what she is going to do when we move in and he whines and cries about wanting to sleep in our room? Or is she going to have to lay with her 14 yr old son until he goes to sleep? I want to go to counciling with her, because this stuff is not normal. Please help, I need some input ASAP sincerely,
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 This will be a difficult situation because she is showing two things. 1. She's an enabler. 2. She is blind to the fact that her son has some manipulative tendencies. These two things will make you the bad guy very quickly with the son and with her. I also suspect the son is trying to cause problems. He sees you as the person who is taking his Mom away from him. I had this problem once when I dated a guy with a 15-dear-old daughter who basically "ruled the roost" if you know what I mean. She had her dad constantly stepping and fetching for her every whim and everytime we had plans she'd have a melt-down and suddenly want to spend time with him (although any other time, she was too busy with her friends). So I had to broach the subject with him carefully. It's not easy for parents to see their kids in less-than-flattering light. And parents, especially those who tend to enable usually have on blinders to begin with. Instead of getting angry, or showing your angst, pick a time later and talk to her calmly about what you perceive the son to be doing. He's manipulating Mommy much like he did when he was 5. Only now it's not so pretty at 14. Also it might help if you get to know this kid better. Take him on some outings where you can bond and get to know one another better. Maybe after he stops seeing you as some sort of competition, he'll behave more like a 14-yr.old and develop his own social life. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (13 February 2008):
Hi,
It is quite possible that this is a deliberate ploy to interfere with your and their mothers new relationship. Talk it through with your partner and maybe go to bed with the door closed but not to make love and then just wait and see. Then when the interruption is past, try to rekindle the moment and begin then.
You could also try asking them about water before they and you go to bed. Then when they interrupt you have a reason to challenge.
As has been suggested their mother may also have given in to them in the past and so it will be a hard habit to change.
Whatever you do decide you should talk it through with your partner when the boys are not around and if you can be laid back about it then hopefully it wll work out sooner rather than later.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): I think the child has some underlying problems that need sorting now. Has anything happened to him in the past to make him like this? Has she brought them up on her own? I know my youngest was a bit like this when we moved in with my bloke and his son. I had to lay down some ground rules to him. Keep the noise down. Dont bang on the bedroom door if we have gone to bed. If there is anything that you want then make the effort and get it yourself. He is 16 and i taught him to cook etc when the two of us lived alone. But my partners son cannot even boil a kettle, so it is usually him we are running around after. I feel for both of you. She is torn because it is her son and she must do what she thinks is right. She cannot help it. She also cannot stop overnight and you have to help out here, dont argue with her about it. Be patient, it will stop and they will leave home one day and you two can have 100% time together.take carexx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Maybe you shouldn't move into HER house. Maybe you should get your own place, and when her kids are old enough to be on their own, she can move in with you. It is odd that a 14 y/o is acting that way, but have you ever asked her why? Does he have some mental issues? Or is he just doing it to annoy you, maybe b/c he doesn't like you being there? She got mad at you because she, as a mother, is putting her kids before a man. And not all mothers do that but the ones who do, I respect. You do need to get down to the core issue though, and find out why the kid acts that way and why she allows it. Yes, I would be annoyed too but as far as having any real advice for you, I don't other than you should figure out what is behind this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Have you ever stopped to think maybe there are things about her son you don't know about, which might explain why he won't go to the garage on his own and why he won't fall asleep on his own?
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