A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Its been a little over a week since we broke up. She felt like she was "tying herself down too early" and wanted to live college life, go party, flirt with guys, have fun, etc instead of committing to someone so soon. As loving as I always was to her, she just got bored with everything being so... set in stone, I guess would be an accurate statement.So a week after ending a two year relationship, she's already dating this other yahoo. He's the smooth talker type who can get almost any girl he wants through his charisma, even though people who really know him say he's a complete jerk. Yet, of course she falls for him.But she still calls me. She still tells me things like "We're the ones who are supposed to be together," and "You're the most amazing guy I've ever known." Yet she's still adamant about going through with her dating other people plan.After how much she's hurt me, after how much love I've given her, after how many times I told her I'd do anything to make our relationship less "boring" and complete again, she still walked out and I know I was treated unfairly.Yet a lot of me still loves her and cares for her. Right now I just want one thing; to move on, but I simply can't while she sits there and says all these things that make me think she wants us back together. I've already told her we shouldn't be talking at the moment and I haven't heard from her since. Now what do I do? I love her so so much, but she's hurt me too much for me to sit around for her. How can I move away from her? Away from the pain and into something better, despite all my persistent feelings for her?I know the goal: move on, but how do I do that when I still love her so much and she's hinting that she regrets her decisions (yet still wants to go through with it)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the support and advice everyone. I appreciate what everyone is trying to say, but I guess I should add that I have been trying to move on. I've been doing my best not to be a doormat or her "back up plan," and I've told her I'm not waiting around for her.
I've gone out to coffee shops/bars with friends, gone to a bunch of my college's sports games, been lifting weights every day (I have been for years, I didn't start going out of depression, though I'll admit thinking of the other douche bag that's dating her makes me lift a lot harder) and I've done my best overall to take my mind off things. I've been reading, writing music, writing my thoughts down in journals, working on school, hanging with friends I haven't had time to be with in a while. It feels like I've been doing all I can to live my life away from her. And for the most part it feels good.
BUT (and this is a big issue) I still have feelings for her. I hate how she has treated me, but she was never like this while we were dating. She was always so sweet and caring and she just up and changed all of a sudden. I guess I still cling on to hope that the old her is in there somewhere.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): She will eventually want to commit to you and when they day comes be gentle and considerate with her when you inform her that you've moved on. That will be one of the saddest day's of your life, as you will know firsthand her pain.
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A
male
reader, Vaeys  +, writes (20 November 2010):
 Dude, you were the doormat and she wiped her dirty, using shoes all over you.
She's hurt you, right? it's shock therapy; why continue to do that which causes you pain? It's illogical and unquestionable.
Good riddance. let her party and sleep around. She'll realise that she lost a great friend and by that time you'll have found a new person who won't use you and mess with your emotions.
Tell her you've moved on. Do the things you enjoy doing.
Forget all about the pain she caused you and enjoy life!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 November 2010):
She doesn't regret it. It's a trick!!! Look, here are two people like you.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-says-im-the-one-for-him-yet.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-ex-mentally-ill-and-dangerous.html
Both are being treated like doormats. In both cases, and in yours, the ex just keeps them around because they're the back-up. You're the the back-up, the one she will come to when there is no one else. And then she will dump you.
The fact is, you can always measure a person by their actions. And her actions say that you're the doormat, and not anything more. You've got to stop looking at her as a decent person, and look at her for what she is. A woman who is toying with your emotions, and laughing at you whilst she does.
She doesn't want to get back, she just wants you there at her bidding, just as in the posts above. Cut contact, move on, don't answer to her lies anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): Tell her that you have "moved on" and move on. She has, but is keeping you "on line" so to speak in case it doesn't work out. You are a security blanket, and you need to stop being that.
Move on...you are being used...if you were the most amazing guy in the world (and we all know that none of us are) then she would be back.
"I know I was treated unfairly"
This is the point, and YOU ARE STILL BEING TREATED UNFAIRLY AND LETTING YOURSELF BE TREATED UNFAIRLY.
Hard, but you gotta do it for yourself. Be treated fairly.
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