A
male
age
30-35,
*umous
writes:Hey guys,So ive been dating this girl for 6 and a half months, and so far its been great! We love each other very much, we share intimate moments together (sex) and we get along super well and constantly know how the other is thinking. Until recently. My gf suffers from being slightly depressed which have roots of back in her childhood. Mostly she is suffering right now because she feels she is overweight. I on the otherhand, find her super attractive and do not find her at all overweight (she can maybe lose 10 pounds, but any more and she would look too skiny!) So she is under constant pressure from her family to lose some weight and its putting her down big time. And this is causing much strain on our relationship. She claims im the only one who finds her weight fine (she really is!). Because of the negativity surrounding her concerning her weight she's beginning to find small insignificant problems with our relationship as a side effect. I really do want to try and help her, and I always encourage her telling shes beautiful, and she just gets annoyed. I really dont know what to do to bring up her self-esteem. Flowers or small little things are but a temporary solution. Women, I need your help to bring back her self confidence.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 I tried to leash and muzzle my inner bitch but she escaped, so I have to say : oh so your gf is depressed because she MIGHT be 10 pounds overweight ... then, take her to visit, say, a pediatric oncology ward in a hospital, and talk to the parents there- and see if this gives her a different perspective about depression, and about her priorities.
Anyway-back to your question. She may benefit from counseling, but I think she won't go until she believes the problem is actually her weight and not HOW she thinks about her weight.
So, I'd say, if you can't beat them, join them. You are already doing and saying all the right things to make her feel beautiful, but it did not work. Now, do an about face
and support enthusiastically a weight loss program for her. Tell her you are there for her all the way till she gets to her ideal weight, and don't let anymore one chip, one chocolate bar, one can of Coke pass her lips. Watch her like a hawk, call her every few hours to help her calculate her calories intake till then,ask to be present when she weights herself. And in your free time- only sport activities. No more lazy afternoons spent cuddling on the sofa or watching TV, oh no. Only speed walking, running, hiking, swimming etc. You'll say- but I am gonna loose weight too, and die of exhaustion. I don't think so. I think if you keep up being her stern diet coach for maybe 10 days... she'll reconsider and decide that after all she feels good at her current size.
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