A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Recently the girl of my dreams and I broke up because of the disapproval from her family. I am an African American and she is white. We dated for four years and I am completely heartbroken over the circumstances considering I moved away for a year and moved back to be with her and pursue our desired marriage. She says she is every much in love with me and if her parents approved of us, then she would be with me in a heartbeat. She constantly expresses her confusion because she feels she is living to please her family and not herself. It has been a few short weeks since we broke up and she is now pursuing a guy whom she dated while in highschool. During the year I was away she had lunch with him once and immediatly informed me. I'm 100% sure she was faithful during the year I was away because of ongoing health issues. She admits that there is no chemistry between them and says that they maybe better off friends. but she is trying to please her family because they approve of him. She also tells me that he is nice, easy to talk to, and understanding. This absolutly tears me apart. I know she truly loves me, wants to be with me but is confused and lost because of the demands of her family. I've had conversations with her parents, but nothing good ever comes out of them because they don't and never will agree with interracial relationships. I'm torn up and need advice on what I should do! Please Help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): It is not necessarily your race. That could be very convenient for a lot of purposes, particularly since you have been gone for a relatively long period of time.
Girls break up with white and asian guys every day often for no apparent reason at all. I've had more white girls break up with me than you have.
You may never know the real truth and if you did, so what? If it is not going to happen then the reason seems quite secondary.
Get back out there and try, try again like the rest of us.
A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (7 June 2009):
 True love is unconditional. For better or worse, your girlfriends actions have proven that her love came with strings attached... and those strings are pulled by her family. As much as it may hurt you right now, know that in the long run this revelation is for the best. Through her actions in responding to her family’s disapproval, she has demonstrated in no uncertain terms the nature of her character.
I am not suggesting that she is a bad person. As you say, she may indeed truly love you, but as long as she is willing to compromise that love to appease the unreasonable demands of her family, than your relationship never had a change of progressing further. In this case, it is perhaps better to end it here and now rather than let it linger on without hope of more coming from it.
I pity the fact that she would sacrifice a chance at true, reciprocated love with a good man for the sake of not rocking the boat with her socially stunted parents. I pity the fact that she would rather ‘settle’ for a guy she likes rather than the man she truly loves. I think you should pity her too.
Know that if her love is as strong and as pure as your own, than she will see this situation for what it is and realize that her life is her own and live it accordingly. However, if she does not, than as much as it may hurt, you must understand that some people, even those we love, can make bad decisions and there is nothing we can ultimately do about it.
In either case, try not to let the pain of this experience mire you in sorrow and regret. Grieve for now, but look forward to moving on with your life. Be certain in the knowledge that you have retained you integrity and dignity.
I wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (7 June 2009):
 You can probably tell a little about me by my login name.
In the UK, there has never been a law against inter-racial relationships like there was in the US, but still there is a lot of aggravation.
My partner is white. Her mother was never comfortable with her choice of black boyfriends in the past. While her mother died some years before we met, her family still give me the cold shoulder.
The thing is, that you will never change their attitude, so do not try. Instead, ask your girlfriend to have the courage to live her own life, not the one that her family wants her to live.
They do not choose to interfere in any other aspect of her life, so ask her if she thinks it is fair for them to pressurise her in this one.
Neither of you has done anything wrong. She sees far more than your skin colour, while her family do not. Remember that it is tough for some caucasians to see their daughter be associated with, and obviously having sex with a black man. In their minds, only a certain type of woman has low enough morals to do that, and their precious daughter is certainly not one of those!
I cannot see mention of your girlfriends age, but unfortunately I get the feeling that she is choosing her family security over you. Stay strong, and be positive. I know it hurts, but you now have to wait for her to come to you. If and when she does, it will be for life. If not, then her family have a very strong hold over her. There are no winners here.
Do nothing but be a proud black man. Thats everything you need to be.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 June 2009):
 Stand your ground and walk with your head well up, and your pride intact. There is nothing wrong with being black. If they don't accept you as you are, for who you are, let them be the losers. Find someone else who will appreciate you.
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