A
male
age
30-35,
*andomererer
writes:Hey,I have been going out with my gf for almost 8 months now, and have been bugged for a long time about her still being friends with her ex. She went out with him for around 2 years and they definetly didnt have the best of relationships. He treated her really badly in the sense of not giving her attnetion and at time it would seem as if he didn't even acknowledge her existance. She was extremely hurt by him and could not take him showing a lack of affection and they both decided to break up. We were friends at that time but I knew she liked me, a month after they broke up we started going out. She is the clingy type, and I think found it hard to let go of him when they broke up because she didn't want to completely.Right now we love each other like crazy, and completely adore one another, we tell each other everything (hopefully) and are completely honest with one another. However even a month after we went out she would chill with her ex as if they were friends (she lives in another country) but studies in the UK. We started going out a month before our summer holidays, so when she went back she would chill with him, almost all the time with a group of friends.He still writes to her often on skype, or messages on facebook, and she tells me if im present but if I am not she would never tell me about it, and I am fine with that, I have nothing against it because she never writes to him, I dont want to ever be controlling and am a the jealous type, but am trying to play it easy.The only thing is that I do not feel uncomfortable at all when they meet, even with friends, and I asked her a few times why after being treated so badly are you fine with being friends with him, and she was like she has gotten over him and I am the only one she loves. She also says that he is her friend and they he is in her group of friends so she cant exclude him. Apart from that she says she has forgiven him so she is fine with him. But being like that just a month after they broke up? Something just doesnt add for me, and no matter what I would never tell her not to be friends with him, its just that I dont feel comfortable.This winter holiday she went back to her country and met up with her group of friends, and said that everything is cool with him, he treats her like a friend and how he treats other girls. She is going to meet him again tomorrow with one of their common male friends but which is his best friends. And I am feeling really uncomfortable.Can someone please tell me what to do?
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 There's not much you can do unfortunately. She's in a different country, so it's not like you can invite her out on a date or something to keep her from going.
Ultimately it boils down to trust. How much do you trust her?
I've personally never understood the whole being friends with exes thing. It typically doesn't work that well. Being civil is good, but hanging out just seems wrong. But that's me.
If you tell her this bothers you, then she will interpret that as you not trusting her. So you need to be careful if you address this.
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