A
male
age
51-59,
*izme
writes:I am in a relationship and I have posted other questions but things are getting worse. Basically this is the deal: We are engaged...not sure bout that now. We have been living together for 3yrs. She has a 8yr old daughter. I have 3 kids-17,15,9. Our sex life declined after my kids moved in. She said it was stress. Then I noticed that some of her exes were texting her and she was texting back. 1 in particular pushes stuff like that really imply he wants her back. They dated on and off for 7 yrs. Basically all other guys were placeholders. I told her it bothered me and we had big arguments for the past 2 yrs. She said she wouldn't talk to him anymore but he still e-mails and texts from time to time. Like every couple months. Even after she told him not to. Our relationship has gotten worse. Sex has become a big issue. I felt misled because at first she was incredibly sexual and all over me. Now I barely can get a hug. Things in the relationship that make it difficult is my ex is vindictive to the point that i had to get a restraining order. My son is high functioning autistic and this can be a problem with her daughter. Her daughter has been an only child all this time and is still having problems with the living sittuation. She has kept it secret from me that this guy has contacted her because she knows it bothers me. It bothers me more that she hides it. I told her this and she doesn't trust me not to blow up. The things that really bothers me about this guy is he knows she is in a serious relationship, he continues to ask her if she misses him, ask her not to forget about him, ask her if she believs in love at first sight etc. She says he is just a friend. I get the feeling that she is not admitting to me or herself that she is holding on to this guy for some reason. I even went so far as to give her an ultimatum which really backfired. about a week ago I was snoopin in her e-mails and I saw a few emails that she never answered from somebody. The guy was talking bout songs that reminded him of her, and alot of the things this guy says to her, but it wasn't from his e-mail. The address was an account that was a previous couple streets she lived on. I sent a reply to that e-mail telling the person that she is in a relationship and wants nothing. I sent it as her. Well it turns out the e-mail was from the same guy and he sent her a text asking her. I denied it cuz I didn't really know it was him. After she showed me and told me she didn't know it was him either, I realized I had sent the e-mail. I feel I have damaged our relationship beyond repair. The day before I told her I was going to work on my trust because it really means alot to me to be with her. I am very sad and think about it because I have alot of guilt issues not just with this and her but because of the breakup with my ex wife and what has gone on with my kids. I have alot of issues really. What can I do to salvage this if anything? She won't talk to me and just told me how disgusted she is with me. Please please someone give me some help. I am a wreck
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engaged, ex-wife, her ex, moved in, my ex, sex life, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Well i guess you are just going to have to find it within you to trust her, apologise to her for going through her emails and assure her that you wont do it again, and stick to your promise. dont invade her privacy you need to respect this. If she loves you she will forgive you, just give her some space and show her that you can change.
A
male
reader, Dizme +, writes (5 November 2010):
Dizme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Aunt Honesty. I have made a decision and hope to be able to stick to it. I did find out that he was fishing and that really did bother me. I asked her before if he does that stuff if she would say something if he became disrespectful. She said that was asking too much. So I am stuck with this. I will not snoop anymore, I will just trust her to do what ever. If she cheats she cheats. Nothing I can do. I am too worn out and just exhausted. Haven't slept in days. Fighting has been constant. I sent her a text and e-mail telling her how I was going to aproach things. She hasn't replied and is pretty much ignoring me. Feel like I have really blown it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (5 November 2010):
Ok first off i hope you have realised that it was wrong to reply to her email whoever it was it was still wrong of you to pretend to be her, it seems like you are blaming her for her ex contacting her, just remember it is him that is contacting her and this is not her fault, she probably replies to him because she doesnt want to hurt him, this doesnt mean that she wants to get back with him, just at one point of her life he was a huge part of her life therefore she probably just doesnt want to cut him out and be rude, but in saying that if he starts saying stuff to her that is inapropriate ask her would she tell him that she is in a relationship and that its disrespectful for him to be saying things that happened in the past. As for her daughter sure it will be difficult for her but she will adjust through time. It seems to me that you both just dont get enough time on your own to spend as a couple, this often happens when there are children involved, get a babysitter once a week and take her out. I think you would both benefit from getting some couple counselling before this relationship goes beyond repair.
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