A
female
age
26-29,
*KnowWhatIWanTButDoThey
writes:So, this is not necessarily about me. It is about my best friends Elen and Leila. Leila and I have been close for four years, and then we met Elen, and have all three been close for 3 years. I've even stayed with Leila and her family for a couple of months when my family was going through some issues. I love them both.. but recently Elen has started to talk to Leilas brother.. and I mean TALK talk. Leila and I are 17, Elen recently turned 18, and the brother is 25 ... now when she first told me, I thought itwas weird, way beyond weird becaue of how close I've grown to leilas family, I consider Andy (the bro) like my brother too... so like for a month now, her and andy have been sneaking around and it's really starting to piss me off because it's like one, I personally see it as an act of betrayal because the way I see it, you don't respect the friendship enough to NOT be screwing around with your best friend's brother? And also, to me that's not even the bad part, her dating Andy. The problem is the sneaking around and keeping secrets. I've told her the more she sneaks around, the more it makes her seem like she's doing something wrong. The way I see it, if she didn't think it was a bad idea, she wouldn't be sneaking around. And I feel guilty myself because she tells me EVERYTHING, I mean every gory detail, and it just doesn't feel natural to me to be keeping something from Leila.So here are my questions. What in the world should I do? I've been telling Elen she should just tell Leila, but she doesn't want to do that. And the more she tells me about her and Andy, the worst I feel. Am I thinking too much? Is it to much that I see this as a betrayal of the friendship? Trust and loyalty is important to me, and I know it is to Leila too because she's lost many friends in the past. And if I know Leila at all, I know she's not going to be completely okay with them messing around. So ... help?
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female
reader, IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey +, writes (21 January 2014):
IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your help. I really appreciate it and I realize that while it may not be Leila's business, it's also not mine. So I'm gonna take the advice of telling her to just not tell me anything anymore. So thanks! ??
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 January 2014):
 Why are you sticking around for even 30 seconds of gory detail? It's sooo high school. Except the guy is more or less a grown man. Which may account for why you stick around for the gory details?
"Elen, my good friend, this is seriously creeping me out. AND it's ridiculous at your age to be keeping secrets from friends. If you want to date Leila's brother, that's none of my business. And by 'none of my business,' I mean I no longer want to hear the details.
"Sorry if you want to be all supersecret and part of the thrill is hiding things from friends, I'm no longer on board for that. I'm not going to hide things from Leila any more. From now on, take the secrets somewhere else, sorry."
If you don't want to be in the middle of a secret, the thing to do is to stop agreeing to be there. And you have been agreeing to be there. So stop, already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): Elen isn't really doing anything wrong. You might see Andy as a "big brother" and find it really weird that Elen sees him a completely different way but there's nothing wrong with what she's doing (unless Andy is married or something)They might be hiding things from Leila until they're sure about their relationship. And, yes, they may be trying to figure out the best way to tell her. It's not the easiest thing to come out with, so since it's only been a short while cut her (Elen) some slack.However, you DON'T have to listen to all Elen's stories about her and Andy especially as it's making you uncomfortable. Tell her that you don't really want to hear any more about it until they decide to "come out" with their relationship.It might feel a betrayal but it really isn't that big a deal. I fell for my brother's best friend and it did take us a little while to figure out a tactful way of telling him. He was mildly weirded out for a few days but that was all. (And he's laid a couple of my friends too.)
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 I can understand Leila might not appreciate her brother having a fling with one of her friends but it really isn't any of her business.
Tell Elen you don't feel comfortable keeping this kind of secret and that you don't want to hear any more about it. Warn her if she mentions it, or even hints about it to you again you'll go straight to Leila. Don't explain any further.
Is this liaison even legal in your jurisdiction?
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