A
male
age
30-35,
*atumokeef
writes:About 2 months ago I started school at college. In one of my classes, I saw this girl for the first time and I knew that I was going to talk to her. After class I went and had lunch with her and immediately we got along.About a week later, she slept over at my place and we had hooked up. After that we hung a lot more and we would kiss each other when other people werent around. We would also talk about being together and how much we liked each other. The problem is, she has a boyfriend.Before me, she told me that there hasnt been anyone that questioned her relationship with him. She says she has never cheated on anyone before. She also told me that if it wasnt for him, we would be dating.Recently, after a few more sleepovers, her boyfriend caught her in a lie about hanging out with me. He doesnt know that we had hooked up or slept in the same bed, he just assumes that we are really close friends. Since then she says she doesnt want to lie to him any more or do anything that he wouldnt approve of.She obviously likes me and I like her back the same but this other guy is in the way. What should I do in this situation? Should I leave them alone? Continue flirting with her and pretending that hes not there? or should I just forget her all together and come back when they break up?
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flirt, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (11 November 2009):
 No problems. I also agree with the advice by xnickx, he's right about such girls.I hope things work out for you and I hope you find someone who deserves you.
A
male
reader, Tatumokeef +, writes (10 November 2009):
Tatumokeef is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks Lexi for the response. To answer your questions, she has been with him for about a year and a half. I myself, just ended a two and a half relationship and I'm thinking more and more that she was just a rebound. When reading your advice, it all made much clearer sense and I began to see the truth behind her. I thought the same about "she would possibly aslo cheat on you with someone else if you were her boyfriend."
You gave me very good advice and I will talk to her about how i feel. Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (9 November 2009):
This is a tough one. I know you like her but have you ever stopped to think that if she can cheat on her boyfriend with you she would possibly aslo cheat on you with someone else if you were her boyfriend.
That aside, how long have they been together? How close are they? It's really hard to say what her motivation for doing what she did was. To be honest with you...I think she's made her mind up to stay with him. She's said to you that if he wasn't around she'd date you. If she was so into you she would date you whether he was there or not...she would leave him trust me. She also told you that she doesn't want to lie to him which tells me she's thought about things and she wants to stay with him.
She could like you because you are new and exciting but she has something with her boyfriend that she can never have with you...history. She knows him well, she's comfortable with him and it's hard to up and leave all that at the first sign of attraction to someone else.
If you continue flirting with her I can bet that she will continue flirting with you. But this way you risk getting really hurt.
You probably like her a lot and at this point you might think there's no one else you'd be interested in. The worst thing you can do is wait on someone who might never be with you. You're young and I'm sure you're a great guy so don't waste your time on a girl who is with someone else and who cheated on her boyfriend.
As hard as it may be I would be honest with her and tell her that you can be her friend but nothing more while she is with someone else (if you can do that of course). Don't flirt, hook up with her or do anything like that while she's with him...it only sends her the message that she can have you when she wants you, don't let her use you like that, you're worth much more than that. Put your foot down and be firm about it...if she wants you she should leave him and not just come to you when she feels like it. You deserve someone who will be with you a 100%
Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (9 November 2009):
 being 2 years younger than you, take my advice however you will, but im going to tell you ive had a lot of experience with girls that do that.
Take somethings into consideration. She cheated on this guy. What makes you think she won't cheat on you?
the last girl i dated, we would kiss and tell each other how much we wanted to be together while she had a boyfriend. We ended up getting together, only days later for her to tell me that she doesnt want a boyfriend. Only days later to have another boyfriend.
IF you decide to go for her, you either better be bigger than the guy or you better have one heck of an excuse if he catches her in a lie worse than you two being friends.
I'd keep relatively unattached. Let her come to you. Let her know you are interested but only reciprocate what she does.
In my experience, girls like this are trouble, only crave experience, and will lie to get whatever they want. As i dont know your exact situation, i can only tell you what i know. Good luck.
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