A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've know a girl for about 6 months. For most of that time she's been going out with someone else. Just before she and him got together I was trying to get up the courage to ask her out (generally speaking, I'm not very shy socially but when it comes to girls I'm very timid). They're still together and I don't know if I should tell her I'm crazy about her. If her boyfriend was a good guy I'd really be trying to move on but he's not (pretty much everyone I know thinks that too) and I just can't get over the fact that she could do so much better (even if it's not me) and she doesn't seem to know it.Some of my friends think I should just tell her but I don't want to make things uncomfortable and/or lose probably the best female friend I've ever had (I don't know if she feels the same way). Also, as much as I dislike her boyfriend I don't feel that it would be the morally right thing to do (I certainly wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot).Should I just wait and hope they split up or tell her now? As much as I try I can't stop thinking about it.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Your crush is an adult and will make her own decisions. She has decided to stay with this guy and there is really nothing (legal) you can do about it.
She very clearly does not see things the way you do about her current relationship. Furthermore, do you want to rescue someone who is damaged, only to discover years later that you can't repair her damage?
You should ask yourself this question: What is a relationship like with someone who has emotional baggage? Is it the fairytale I think it will be?
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Well, you're not really a friend of hers. I don't say that out of disrespect but out of honesty. I don't think we can be "just" friends with people we're attracted to. There is always something more lurking in the background. We can be friendly toward them, but not friends.
In reality, she might have been a friend but now she's someone you're interested in. Be honest with her. Try to guide her in the right direction, if this guy is a jerk. Until she's finished and learned her lesson, she might not want to hear what you have to say.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): @eddie,
yeah, I accept that my views are probably jaded, but people I know that were initially skeptical about the whole situation agreed with me after talking to her a bit.
As for what he does, I don't want to be too specific (this is the internet after all) but generally speaking, I see her putting way more into the relationship than he gives back (phonecalls, dates, transport, presents, etc). I also get the impression that he intentionally tries to keep her self-esteem low. She just keeps on forgiving him again and again.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (14 June 2007):
You're putting yourself on a high pedestal. Is it possible your views are a little jaded since you like his woman? Also everyone you ask this question to, in your group, is going to take your side. That's because you're asking people you know to be safe. They're predetermined to take your side because they're your friends.
What makes him a jerk?
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