A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for about 9 months, and we have talked about marriage a lot. We got into an arguement the other day and i broke off our relationship. he's been calling constantly and he says he knows we can work through anything, that he loves me, and we're supposed to be together. he says he wont ever give up on us. I know i love him too, and are relationship is great for the most part. we share the same religious views, agree on children and how to raise them, and finances. We enjoy eachothers company, and love eachothers extended families. everything fits except for the argueing. I am more of a person that is collected and doesnt like contention. The guy im dating tends to get frustrated really easily and takes it out on me alot. He gets defensive and is sensitive when frustrated, and it really gets to me sometimes. Usually a fight will break out once a week because of his frustration, and my nontolerableness to his attitude.People tell me every marriage has arguements, although sometimes i feel like i cant deal with these mood swings of his. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Well, I don't like relationship "breaks" as a test to whether or not you should stay together based on how you "feel". First and foremost, love is not a feeling. What you say? Feelings are important, we are all after those warm feelings we get when we are with someone who loves us, but love is not a feeling. Love is a conscious decision, it is a commitment to the other person to be worthy of love, to BE a loving partner. If the two of you can't stay together and work through your issues together, then you lack love, you lack commitment. A break is not going to fix your problem here. Learning how to work together as a team, and learning how to love is what is going to work. You need to really know and understand eachother....but you may be finding out that you two are not at all compatible, it happens....but arguments are not always in indication that you are wrong for each other....it is what you do about it that matters. Running from the relationship will probably not improve things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for you reply. I greatly appreciate it. And thank you for those websites. they are definitely insightful. I do agree with you more about the immaturity about ending it over one disagreement, although here is some more info on my case. After every time he get frustrated i tell him it really effects me, and i cant take him constantly treating me rude because he cant get the toaster working (for example) so this last arguement, he brought up splitting, and i agreed. He quickly took it back, and i said no, i think it would be good to take a break for a bit. We have talked a lot the past couple days, although havent spent them together. I am not wanting him to beg for me back, i agree with you that type of motion would be very immature. i am doing it to see how i feel without him. To see if my love for him is strong enough to withhold any arguement. I recently told him that this break would help me appreciate him more. It like im in limbo right now. If i feel like i miss him and need him in my life this break will witness to me we can make it. If i am fine without him in this break, then i feel like i should let him go. But thanks again for the reply.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): From the sounds of it, you both aren't communicating well or fighting fair. It is a bit immature to end a relationship over and argument and make him beg you to take him back.....it doesn't sound to me like you are ready for marriage.
In every romantic relationship sooner of later there will be issues that come up and it is important how those issues are dealt with. And there will be arguments. What is important is how you fight and fight fairly.
Take a look at the 10 most common relationship myths....and see if you aren't guilty of beleiving some of those myths.
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/26
http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewarticle.asp?id=19846
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