A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I started suspecting my wife was sending naughty messages to one of the truck drivers that delivers to her work. I asked her about it and she said it was just a friend and they talk about their day and nothing more then that. We were going through a really tough time in our marriage so it was tough to trust what she was saying so I looked into ways to find out what really was being texted. I did actually find out how to view her deleted messages and found the most troubling, sickening, dirty messages Id ever seen from my wife to this other man. When I confronted her about it she was completed stunned that I found them and had the deer in the head lights look. She basically told me that she was sorry Id seen them but nothing was going on and it was just goofing around to pass the day. She said they didnt mean anything and there was never any intention on doing anything. Now Im abput 99% sure that she didnt physically do anything with this man but emotionally I feel that she meant a lot of the things she was sending. She says that she didnt. 3 months later things are actually better with our marriag yet I still have major problems dealing with those messages. Any advise on how to deal with this, am I right in feeling that those messages really did mean something or should I take her word and move on?
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female
reader, patient66  +, writes (8 April 2010):
You will always be wondering if it went further. You will not forget ever. The question is can you forgive and move on because it will eat away at you until yo have has enough. If you can trust she wont do it again then go for it. But also that she lied about it and was so surprised you caught her... she knew it was wrong because she wouldnt have went to such heights to erase the texts.Thee always a chance she cheated, Can you live with that?
You need to fogive her and move on or if you cant you need to move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Of course they meant something, you know that, she knows that, so why must you interrogate her until she confesses? By doing so, you are likely to further isolate her from you emotionally and physically.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): All I wanted her to do is admit that the messages were more then just goofing around. Its not possible that they didnt have deeper meaning for her considering what we were going through. On the surface I am trying to be a better husband but emotionally I still havent fully recovered from it. The fact that she still denies any meaning behind the messages makes me wonder if something more went on or if she really wanted more to go on. I could move on much easier knowing the truth and that is when I can fully put this behind me. Worse case senerio she tells me they did get together and had sex...then I can leave knowing the truth. If she tells me that she really enjoyed the messages on a sexual level then at least I know she didnt physically cheat on me and I can move on trying to be a better husband. But knowing that those messages had meaning and her telling me they didnt is driving me crazy!
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (29 March 2010):
Listen. Man up about this, and see it this way. Assuming she hasn't done anything physical with this guy, you can turn this situation around and use it to strengthen your marriage.
Your wife is obviously missing something from your marriage. If she wasn't, she wouldn't feel the need to make this terrible mistake.
Maybe she doesn't feel like a sexual woman any more? Is she lacking a deeper emotional and physical connection with you? Sounds like it. Maybe she wants more excitement? Maybe she wants to be surprised, to be spoken dirty to, to be fucked on the table and told she is a dirty whore? Maybe she wants to feel desired, instead of just being your wife?
Assuming the rest of your marriage is OK, I am sure that she would rather prefer that YOU were the guy fucking her and making her feel like the woman she once was.
So what can you do? It's been three months, do everything you can to put the content of those messages behind you. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself, what are you not providing for your wife. You can be everything she wants you to be.
Put what has happened behind you, and remember what it was like when you first started fucking her. Be spontaneous with her. Excite her, do something new, and the next time you're fucking her, do something different and show her you want to fuck her brains out too. Once you've done this, you'll find you will be connected with her on a deeper level, then find out what she wants sexually from you.
You can be everything she needs, you just need to take control of this situation and use it to your advantage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): She has shown that she has put it behind her but wont admit that the messages really di have meaning. I cant understand why she can say that those messages meant nothing and they were just goofing around...for 2 major reasons, first of all we were not doing well has a married couple and she did say at one point that she liked the attention she got from him, and second shes never talked like this or acted like this before...completly out of character for her! I just seriously feel like she is still hiding something about what really was going on, and because of my feelings Im constantly spying on her phone and emails trying to find proof!
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A
female
reader, scrambled brain +, writes (29 March 2010):
OMG. Read some of my posts and you will find this is exactly what happened to me.
My husband also told me it was just a game but some of the texts I saw were emotionally loving and that hurt more than the sexy ones.
It has been nearly 2 years since the first discovery then he still continued and I found some again that he forgot to delete.
Like you, our own lovelife shot through the roof cos I realised what I might have lost but I am in hell trying to cope with the betrayal.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (29 March 2010):
Only you know her, truth has been tested over this and answers may not meet with your satisfaction. You must establish what happened to make her do this/ Can we resolve it or is to late? That has to be a reason, even if she had sex with him does it matter, what matters is the two of you and establishing whether or not she has put these things behind her.
If not then someone will declare interest and the same thing will occur?
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