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writes: This is really complicated. There is a teacher at my school a teacher I really get on with, thing is I don't see him as a teacher I see him as a man or 'work colleague'. I am 15 but I am what they say an, 'old head on young shoulders' and I only really find men attractive. I have had crushes on men I know before but this is so much different. I noticed him when I was 12. He was 'mean cruel and a perve' everyone said - you know he was strict and unfair. And I hated him so I avoided him. Eventually hatred became obsession and the more I obsessed the more I thought about him and soon I formed a crush on him. I figured he was misunderstood, you see nobody likes him, but he has never actually done anything to me and I have never actually seen him do anything as horrible as the rumours suggest. I moved into his group in september last year, he was really chuffed, he blushes when I asked and after this he really liked me. I fancied him so I couldn't really talk to him much because I would start to flush and my heart would beat so hard it was hard to find the right words to say. A friend of mine decided to say the following to him as a joke, "You know ****?" He says, "yes, she's a lovely girl in my group, very good at IT only thing is she neglects me!" Then My friend says, "Ha ha she fancies you!" and he replies, "Yeah right." I was quite curious as to why he thought I 'neglected' him seeing as we weren't close and he is just a teacher. Well after that I started going after school to see him every Monday and Wednesday. I would finish my work and then spend about 45 mins just listening to him, and talking. I live for those periods. He is always nice to me, I catch him looking at me sometimes and he always looks away when I catch him, he checks me out sometimes not so I can see but when he thinks I am not looking. He thinks all the boys fancy me he flirts with me, he is always adjusting his tie and fiddling when I am with him and it seems that I always make him happy. He says my name alot when he talks to me, and he teases me mercilessly. He is always warm and kind and he treats me differently to anyone else. And he confides in me. We have become recently, very friendly but I am not sure whether he wants more than just friendship. He likes younger women, and I know he is turned on by the idea but I know that doesn't necessarily mean he likes me that way. I have been told that talking to me is like talking to someone who is 22 or over and that I look 18. I know he likes me as a friend but I am not sure if it is more than that. I think he might just find me attractive and well is just a flirt I don't know. I am wondering whether I should tell him. There have been so many times I have come close to just kissing him I mean a kiss says it all doesn't it? Should I or shouldn't I? Help me! Also because I spend so much time with him and know him so well I think I may have fallen in love with him!! So getting over it isn't an option!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2006): Darling, you should take Bev Conolly's advice. Also getting involved with an older man who is in a different stage in life does have its problems. Your question didn’t state anything about his age, so I can’t make any assumptions.
Honestly, if the man was actually hitting on you, I’d recommend you run! Like Bev Conolly said, no ethical man would ever date a minor: firstly, it’s going against the regulations, and thus, make him a foolish pedophile for ruining his entire career for a few moments of fun. Try to view this situation from his perspective, and you might have a better understanding.
I suggest you to not hint at your affections or anything of that sort until you are legal and graduated from high school. If you do, I’m sure you’d make him embarrassed as he is still your mentor, and he’d feel awkward in conversations with you.
So please, again, don’t try anything until you’ve graduated and are legal. I suggest you to enjoy your infatuation, and maybe after all this, he’ll date you. I am about two years older than you, and all I can say the person I am right now is entirely dissimilar from my fifteen year old self. You are still young, and I’m sure with in three years, your views of society and maturity with dramatically change. If you can keep your infatuation to last that long, then congratulations, go ahead and pursue him (though not before thinking about the consequences!)
Also, don't worry too much about it; my issues are rather analogous to yours. Take a look: ( http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-teacher-is-not-legal-but-i-am.html ) - the title is apparently off
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I’d say this is a school girl crush, because love takes time and building trust through history together. Normally, when in love, the person isn't on an emotional high. For example, they aren't entwined in the blissful feelings of excitement, mervousness, and so forth. I could rant on about what love is … so to simplify it all: Would you die for him? Or take a bullet for him? Or when in mortal danger think about him first yourself? Or stay with him when he is utterly dirt poor (and your family/friends can’t help you financially)? Or stay with him when he is no longer physically attractive? Or stay with him when he completely changes -externally and internally? Look carefully and deeply within yourself, if you say yes to any of these, then… it *might* be love.
In addition, check out this post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-need-to-knowwhat-is-love.html
I'm asking you all this, because sometimes, when we're very smitten with somebody, we are inclined to amplify the itty bitty details and gestures to no ends. Just a few words of caution. ^^
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (4 June 2006):
 Bad Idea Alert!
Please don't. You describe yourself as having a "old head", but has that old head ever considered the cost to this guy's entire career if you - a minor - were to make a sexual move and he responds?
Ye gods. You'd be in the tabloids nationwide! And this man, who you say you've fallen for, wouldn't be able to get a teaching job in any country in the world. His career would be in tatters, he could end up in prison, and would, at the very least, be listed for all time as a sex criminal. Nice way to say "I love you"...
Enjoy your crush. Enjoy the attention. But if you're as smart as you want to think you are, you'll be smart enough to see that NO ETHICAL ADULT would become involved with a minor, particularly in a teacher-student relationship. If you try to seduce him, you may well succeed. Then he'll have committed a criminal act, an ethically-dispicable one.
I was where you are, exactly, at age 15. Fell for an older teacher, even had sex with him, but I cringe now when I think about that with a lifetime's experience behind me. A man who'd throw away his career for a few thrilling moments with you is a paedophile, nothing less.
Recognise this for what it is. An extremely typical schoolgirl crush. We've all had them. Ask any group of adult women who had a mad crush on a high school teacher and you'll see a forest of hands fly towards the ceiling. There's nothing wrong with feeling what you feel.
Acting on it is another matter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2006): Ok so he is your schoolteacher and you are 15, and you think he likes you?!get real this is like one of those stupid tv showswhere in the end you find out he really doesn't like you
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female
reader, matron +, writes (3 June 2006):
 Hi, dont go there, he's probably blushing because he's embarrassed, you are making it so obvious that you fancy him and he's finding it difficult to deal with, he's a professional in a job of trust, if he's got any sense he'll talk to the head about your behaviour and get you moved out of his group, he cant afford to jeopodise his career and if you are the adult you think you are you wont allow it to go that far. He's flattered, and you have a crush,see it for what it is and get over it, a lot of people could get hurt and embarrassed if you carry on with your schoolgirl flirting.In a few years when you've grown up you too will be embarrassed by your vivid imagination and behaviour. Come back to the real world and enjoy your childhood x
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