A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI have been on and off with my partner for 8 years at first when we met I thought it was just a fling, he was in the country for 6 months, but we were in separable. I later found out before he left he was married with a daughter and had other affair with some others. We had such a connection, which was amazing, obviously i was too upset to keep it up and finished it when everything came to light. 3 years later I realised I was still in love with him. He hadn't stopped contacting me (no matter how much I moved and changed my numbers) I called him and told him I was still in love with him and that I was going to come there and travel and if he still wanted we could meet up. We met for old times sake and it was like we,d never been apart. He was still legally married and had a girlfriend which he finished with soon as we met. We have been inseparable for 3 years and love each other very much. My problem is I dont trust him and I need to because I am constantly accusing him of flirting and staring at other women. Now I have taken to doing it to feel more secure and now I even enjoying the thought of having an affair.Im upset he is still in the process of getting a divorce even tho we live together none of his family know who i am or want to know. According to him, his marriage is over, but according to his family I am still the person who wrecked his home. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Let me ask you this. How does flirting or even having an affair going to change what's going on with this relationship? Has he given you reason to believe he is having affairs on you? I would say to always be cautious when you're with someone who was married and having affairs with others, because you need to realize, at that time you were one of his affairs. What makes now different than then, and what makes your being with him different than when he was with his wife.
I won't say for sure if he is seeing others, I will say that if you feel deep down that something is not right, then chances are it's not. Other than that, if you don't believe he is seeing others, then you shouldn't judge him for his past, unless he gives you reason to do so. Personally, I'd walk with extreme caution, but people can change, and you don't want to short change yourself if he is one who has.
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