A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im a 17 year old girl in college. When i usto go to school iv'e had a few guys/friends who were attracted to me come up to me and touch my bottom and private areas. I HATE IT! it really offends me. This has happend to some of my friends aswell but when it happens to them they do nothing or they give me the look to say stop worring your making a big deal. and this one guy asked me if i lost my V in front of people. i felt quite offended and embarrised. How would you feel if someone touched you? i really can't stand it. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 It's definitely inappropriate and unacceptable for guys to treat you this way (or for girls to treat guys this way). I know it is hard to have presence of mind in the very moment it's happening, so try to prepare yourself beforehand when you're going into a situation where it has happened before.
Try coming up with a quick line that you can blurt out as soon as you're touched inappropriately. It can be as simple as "Please don't do that" or as aggressive as "Don't touch me!"--whatever seems to be appropriate to getting the message heard. Try even practicing your quick line beforehand (alone in the bathroom or with a sympathetic friend, or your mom or brother or someone) so you can spit it out automatically, no matter how flustered you feel.
As in so many situations, it DOES NOT MATTER if your friends think it's nothing to worry about, no big deal, etc. It is YOUR body and YOUR life and it is your privilege--and your responsibility--to look out for yourself.
It is wrong to let other people's morals and beliefs dictate what you allow in your life. I believe it is treating yourself badly to allow others to treat you badly. It's hard, especially at your age, to stand out from the crowd and say, "I won't accept this," but that is the sign of a strong person. In a few years, people will learn to respect you for it. As they grow more mature, others are likely to follow suit.
As for the guy who asked you about your sex life in front of other people, that is another one of those situations that makes you lose your presence of mind at the moment. You feel flustered and maybe your mind goes blank. That's another situation where it helps to have a line ready. One good response to an inappropriate question is, "Why would you ask me that?" It's neutral (doesn't give an answer one way or another) and buys you time to think of how to really deal with the situation.
The fact that you asked this question is a good step in the right direction: insisting that you and your body be treated with the decency and respect that you deserve. You go, girl!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): It's a typical part of being your age and attractive.
That same stuff happened to me at your age a bunch of times, and I was a guy getting grabbed by girls.
But you don't need to sit there and take it. If it is a friend doing it once or twice just tell him to stop it. If it's not someone you know very well then don't hesitate to yell at him or slap him for it. (And if you don't know him at all and you're alone at night, just run!)
...............................
|
