A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Wow, it's weird to call him my ex. We were together 4.5 years ( just after I turned 18) and I loved him so much. I still do. We broke up in march. 2 days after I found him in bed with someone else. " we were only kissing, no sex..." does not matter. It's cheating all the same. We finally moved out and away from eachother July 1. I found out from a mutual friend that he's been dating already. And he kept it from me. To tell a secret, we were still sleeping with eachother until then ( July). He had started this thing with the new girl and had not told me. I feel used for sex. Even before this he hurt me before and it wasnt til now i realiZed how worthless i have been to him for so long. I told him to never contact me e again. The problem is I can't stop obsessing. Between fantasies of getting back together, punching him in the mouth, and telling the other girl the truth just for justice, I can't operate. I am starting to loose intrest in going back to school, I'm akward in social settings, and it doesn't help that my close friend couldn't sit thru my first breakup with me. Because for the first time I'm not the stable one. Jeez. I'm so lonely and bitter, I can't snap out of it. All advise online says don't rebound, don't look for love it will find you, take time for yourself, etc. I'm more alone than ever and feel doomed. And I can't get the ( formally) love of my life out of my head. I have the common sense, I really do. My heart just won't follow.
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female
reader, Angelripper  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 First off, this guy is definitely not worth your time. The fact that he was cheating on you, and then was trying to minimize the damage done by saying they were only cheating (which, even if they were only kissing doesn't change the fact that he was being unfaithful) is just ridiculous. Good on you for ditching his sorry butt!It definitely doesn't help that you guys were still sleeping with each other after the fact though. This only perpetuates the pain and the confusion of breaking up with someone you've been with for such a long time. It's better to just completely cut the ties you have with each other once you guys have broken up. Additionally, it doesn't help the image of worthlessness that he may or may not have of you, because personally, if I was cheating on my boyfriend, he had caught me in bed with someone else, but was still willing to sleep with me afterwards, well, quite frankly, I wouldn't hold much respect for him.But, what's done is done! Besides, I don't know why you would want to be with a jerk like that anyway. Chances are he was still sleeping with you while he was starting to see that other girl, which just shows how morally inclined he is (sarcasm).Dyeruz has got it right. You just have to keep your mind focused on other things, and keep yourself busy. This is the time to pursue things that have always interested you and invest your time in them. You should definitely keep to school! This is a great place to meet new people and make new friends, and who knows? Maybe even find another guy once you're ready, one who will treat you respectfully and be truthful to you. I think the only reason you shouldn't continue with your education at the moment is if your emotional troubles are really affecting your grades -- but you shouldn't let them! Keep your head up and be strong!!-The Resident Metalhead
A
male
reader, dyeruz  +, writes (26 July 2010):
You need to focus on yourself and your own life. Why would you want someone who is blatantly using you, lying to you? Your self esteem is very low and until you come to terms with rebuilding that esteem and surrounding yourself with activities..or should I say school! that take your mind off this jerk then you'll never move on. Get your head in the books, get a degree and a good job and most likely during that time you will have met a number of guys who will treat you with the respect you are due. Don't waste your time on this loser he's not worth it, it will be hard but you cant change the fact that he's a jerk and will use you even if you get back together with him, you can only change yourself. Good luck to you!
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